If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up? (page 6)

Terry

If you feel that you had good close "friends" in the Org, how did it feel to give them up?

I feel like the first 30 years of my life I was writing my autobiography with my finger on water. There were a few ripples that landed on a distant shore followed by a gradual stillness borne of nothing and more nothing; not a trace.

It is as though I never existed because we embed our lives within the lives of others. The ordinary sharing of friends is a resonance and re-echoing of all we were...the laughter, tears, trials and travails of growing up and leaning on one another. But, with Jehovah's people and their "love" you waken from the dream of family and friends to discover the nightmare of despair. All for nought. Nobody and nothing.

I feel like the Jason Bourne character awakening with bullet wounds and no trace of who I was or how I got where I am--only the pain is real and the scars will always mutely testify I was somebody others wanted no part of.

If I could hate--I'd hate them for their lies. But, they aren't worth my hatred. I only feel pity now.

At the end of it all these few things remain: I was and I am the same person who held a crust of righteous bread in my hand now grown stale....a dim outline where God used to be like a chalkmark around a corpse....and the shadow of empty faces wearing masks somewhere out there where the jackels prey.....howling at the midnight sky.

darth frosty

I feel like the first 30 years of my life I was writing my autobiography with my finger on water. There were a few ripples that landed on a distant shore followed by a gradual stillness borne of nothing and more nothing; not a trace.

Damn Terry you're going deep and poetic in this thread!

AllTimeJeff

People are fragile, moldable, and easily influenced. Thats how I view it.

I guess I was never one to hold a lot of grudges against my fellow compatriots. How could I? I shot up the JW corporate ladder with a missle on my back. I didn't care for a while.

But I was also duped into believing that how I felt towards "spiritually weak" ones, disfellowshipped, etc, was proper. When you are trained to believe that your very thoughts are monitored by Jehovah, then you think in a way that isn't healthy.

I planned my escape for a while. One thing I considered was, how would I treat my friends? All of them. Would I leave with a scathing email? Letters mailed with all that I knew and learned?

I decided against intervening in their journey at all. Were it not for the odd circumstances that forced me to acknowledge I was in a cult, I can easily see where I might still be in. I can't lie. If I didn't see the weirdest of the weird, I would have continued to lie to myself, just like the cult trained me to do.

So how can I get mad at those who are continuously being trained to lie to themselves like me? I already knew the built in mechanisms that the GB teaches. They know they are f*cked in the head. Thats why they preach about apostasy so much. I heard about apostates all my life as a JW, and the first apostate I ever met was me!

In the end, I chose not to hold my shunning against anyone. Were I to try and insert myself in a life I was no longer welcome in, I would be tiring out myself and them. I would be taking responsibility for their diseased thinking. I could only fix me.

I miss my friends and I love them. That is why I let them go. I forgive them. My life goes on.

Podobear

It was all a dream.. a one sided elusion. Being told constantly how happy I was, when I was not. I was told I would be snuffed out like a candle if I left... and I was.

True love knows no boundaries.. eh?

I have found that perfect love throws fear outside. I fear them no longer.. but somehow feel strangely attached by the Universe.. like a son burying his head in the bosom of his Father.

Peace at last.

Podo

diamondiiz

"If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org. how did/does it feel to just give them up?"

True friends stick together even if they have different views. Loosing friends and family who choose to take the word of strangers rather than believe the ones they knew for years isn't loosing much. I had a so called best friend but really it was just an illusion of a friend, it was sad to hear he chose the stranger thus I told him he was never a true friend and I never looked back.

boyzone

Beautiful words Terry. Sums up how I feel too.

Sometimes I think I pine for my former friends. I miss them, the cameraderie, being part of their lives, having shared goals and beliefs etc. But in reality they weren't my friends, and I wasn't theirs. If I'm honest with myself, if it was one of them that'd left, I would have treated them in the same conditional manner they've treated me, because thats how we're all taught to behave.

So I can't blame them even though its easy to allow myself to feel the hurt they cause. But now I am free, I can pity them.

Crisis of Conscience

AllTimeJeff - But I was also duped into believing that how I felt towards "spiritually weak" ones, disfellowshipped, etc, was proper. When you are trained to believe that your very thoughts are monitored by Jehovah, then you think in a way that isn't healthy.

Exactly how I feel now that I know the real truth. So much that, despite having to do it in hiding for the time being, I have reached out to former friends that were disfelowshipped. I no longer believe that every person in this position wants to be wicked. It is just not up to man to judge, and then force their opinion or judgement of that person upon me.

It is indeed unhealthy to judge others upon what someone in a position of authority says or tells you about them.

Thanks for the comments and mamalove for resurrecting the thread!

CoC

JimmyPage

The White Stripes said it best:

In some respects
I suspect you've got a respectable side
When pushed and pulled and pressured
You seldom run and hide
But it's for someone elses benefit
Not for what you wanna do
Until I realize that you've realized
I'm gonna say these words to you

You don't know what love is
You do as you're told
Just as a child at ten might act
But you're far too old
You're not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don't know what love is...
You just do as you're told

I can see your man
Cant help but win
Any problems that may arise
But in his mind there can be no sin
If you never criticize
You just keep on repeating
All those empty "I love you's"
Until you say you deserve better
I'm gonna lay right into you

You don't know what love is
You just do as you're told
Just as a child of ten might act
But you're far too old
Your not hopeless or helpless
And I hate to sound cold
But you don't know what love is
No you don't know what love is
No you don't know what love is

You just do as you're told
You do as you're told
Yeah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xsF9fHdAfo

molly1

like so many of you i lost beautiful friendships. i am a very loving open person who gives my heart and soul to my friends. i had many close relationships in the jw's. i knew in leaving that i would be branded an apostate and loose my dear friends but i had to be true to myself. when i left the elders who delt with me were viscious when they seen i was not coming back. I remember saying to one elder who i got the phone call from "how do you expect me to attend meetings and go out in the service if i don't believe it any more" he said you knew what you were doing when you got baptized and i replied yes with the knowledge i had at the time i thought i was doing the right thing but new information has come to light and i cannot support some thing i no longer believe in. to me it was like finding out santa claus isn't real how do you go back and believe. it was very painful to loose my friends it takes courage to walk away knowing the cost. those left behind would like to think that you were just stumbled. how shallow to think you would give up your convictions because some one offended you.....i guess its easier for them to believe this. i harbour no hard feelings with the flock but i hate the governing body and the cruelty with which it rules. i was lucky in that i am a very out going person and have made wonderful friends and lead a full and happy life. i still think fondly of my jw friends and feel pity for them trapped in a mind set that is destructive to them and waiting for promises that will never happen.

VampireDCLXV

The short answer is: by and large, they were never true friends to begin with. If a "friendship" entirely depends on a continuing loyalty to an organization, it's a fraud. My mom keeps telling me that people in my old congo miss me but I don't really miss them. I'm trying to make a circle of real friends on the outside now.

Family, on the other hand...

V665

If you felt/feel that you had/have good, close "friends" in the org, how did/does it feel to just give them up?

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