Broken Heart...

by brotherdan 121 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  ziddina

  I like YKnot's idea...
• 

  tec

  I'm so sorry, Dan. Please keep hope that her decision might be rash and completely based on emotion. But you need to maintain your patience and calm and love - for her, for your children, for your faith.

  I like Y-knot's response except for this part : "I will try to be a JW".

  I understand why its in there, to completely reassure your wife and take her off the defensive, but I think that's what you HAVE been trying to do, or at least allow her to think that you have been trying to do. The lying doesn't sit right with me, even though I understand the reasons behind it... and Yknot has more experience in this than I do, and more importantly, only you know what you are able or unable to do. Just, whatever you do, Dan, do it out of love - for love covers over a multitude of sins.

  Ask your wife for help, even if it is just for her understanding and patience while you pray and study and search your way to God and His Son.

  Draw strength from Christ, Dan. You WILL get through this.

  Tammy
• 

  jamiebowers

  BrotherDan, I too am sorry to hear of your wife's decision. I was df'd for circumstances surounding my divorce frm a dangerously abusive jw husband, so I know a little bit about abuse and divorce. Your wife is trying to bully you back into the cult with her "need" to separate. She would rather you go along to get along just to satisfy her without ever thinking of your feelings, needs or wants. If a marriage is based on blind loyalty to the Watchtower, it was doomed from the start.

  SD-7 and I were just talking about this today. Even with cult mind control in the way, you would think that a spouse's opinion would count at least enough to investigate the other's concerns. Instead of looking into the matter, her conclusion is to separate. Look, I'm not telling you that this won't be painful, but I think you should let her go. If she feels so strongly about it, she can leave your family home, and the two of you can split the time with the kids. I wouldn't beg her to stay or back down. Just because she doesn't treat you with compassion, respect and trust doesn't mean you should treat yourself the same way.
• 

  out4good3

  With respect, I don't know if I do.

  As much in love as he is, I'm not sure if he should cave to the point where he implies to her that the whole mess his fault. It takes two to tango. She is just as much as fault for being so rigid in her thinking that the WT way is the only way. She says it herself that she saw this coming. Looking for common ground in a marriage goes both ways, and not just acquiescing to the JW way when they make demands under the threat of taking their ball and going home.

  I agree that he should profess her love for her, the kids and of his desire to keep the family together, but not tot he point where he's emasculated himself to such a degree that it will be doubly impossible for him to take a stand opposite to hers on anything in the marriage again.
• 

  zoiks

  BrotherDan,

  I'm sorry for what you're going through. I like what Yknot suggested. Appeal to your marriage, your relationship, your family staying together. Show her that you're the same man she married. Help her to remember why she loves you.

  I broke my wife's heart when I confessed my feelings about the WT to her. I thought that I would lose her. But time does some amazing things, and strong relationships can win this fight.

  I wish I had more and better words. Hang in there, bro.
• 

  yknot

  The 'I will try to be a JW' is a carrot..... she is indoctrinated to chase the carrot, a JW husband equates better status in the congregation. Of course 'try' doens't imply automatic success.

  Studying our history can serve to make a person a 'stronger' JW or release them from the myth of appointment.

  Obviously the latter is more common and the reason why they put forth the DVD this year.....hoping it would make the believing JWs feel steadfast in their discernment of JW History.... of course it was whitewashed heavily and the potential for stumbling is now greater when someone actually reads through our history because then they discern just how much spin is dealt by the WTS on a regular basis.
• 

  Ding

  BD,

  Have you replied to your wife's latest message? If not, do you plan to?

  It sounds like what she hates most is debating with you and having to defend what she believes. I wonder if she'd be agreeable to a truce for a trial period where you agree not to argue about the WT or doctrine to see how that works. 1 Peter 3:1 indicates that spouses can sometimes be won over without words. At some point the read-the-Bible-together without arguing approach might be possible.
• 

  3Mozzies

  I've been following your story brodan and most times I just can't read the whole thread because it hurts so much.

  Why? Because my best friend is going through the same crap and it makes me so angry. My friend's wife has threatened him with divorce over these very same issues that you're going through. What has help her is that she has seen me and others that have left and explain how this cult is just that, it is NOT Gods Organisation etc... she needed to see others (friends of hers) that have seen the light and that has helped her slowly wake up.

  Otherwise, you just look like an apostate to her, single brodan against 7million 'happy' loyal followers of Jehovah, you wont win easily by yourself.

  YKnot's idea (post 8657) is a great one I would go with that and play this slow and cool.

  This F*****G CULT has a lot to answer for!!!

  3Mozzies (I really am very sad over your situation)
• 

  sooner7nc

  (((((((((((brotherdan)))))))))))) Please know that my heartfelt thoughts and wishes are for your family's peace.
• 

  Snoozy

  I can't believe she actually said she would be wasting her life with you if you quit being a JW.. This doesn't sound like a faithful JW that is looking forward to the "New system". She should be willing to sacrifice her small time before armageddon to try and get you back to the religion..

  She is lacking faith!

  Secondly someone said to clean out the checking accounts..I wouldn't do that if you love your children. She will probably have custoday or at least partial custody if you leave and she will still need to feed them!
  Holding money from an ex wife really hurts the children.

  I stated with my JW hubby and often wonder how my life would have been if we had divorced earlier..as it was I stayed with him because I loved him (and secretly hoped he would become inactive again) but I am telling you it wasn't easy..they can be very cruel sometimes for someone that professes to be in such a loving religion.

  I am sorry you are going through this but if you were a JW at one time you went along with it..you can't blame her for not seeing the real "truth" anymore than you used to .

  I hope it all works out for the best for all concerned..

  Would she go for counseling?

  Snoozy