Broken Heart...

by brotherdan 121 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Ding

  When I mentioned taking control of the checking accounts, I wasn't suggesting hiding the money or starving her or the kids!

  All I meant was to protect yourself financially so she doesn't clean YOU out.

  I think this thread has suggested the entire spectrum of possible options, everything from "call her bluff and play the headship card" to "go back to the KH and say whatever you have to in order to keep the family together."

  Obviously, you are the one who has to decide what your priorities are in this and how your wife is likely to react to the various possible approaches.
• 

  truthseekeriam

  Awww man!! I'm so sorry brother Dan.

  I agree with the ones who have said to give it some time. It's a shock to her right now, but when she sees your still that great man she loves and married she'll be back.

  You both have your lovely children to think about. I think once she stops thinking about how you not being a JW will effect her..she'll wake up to how it will effect her and the children to not have a husband and father around :(

  I wish you well.
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  notverylikely

  Dan, this totally suck brother. I heard almost the exact same words. Why didn't you call me?
• 

  ziddina

  Something Snoozy said, stimulated this thought...

  Is there any way you can use that scripture that states, "If a [Christian] wife or husband have an unbelieving mate, let him/her remain with them as long as they are willing, for wife, how do you know that you will not save [eventually convert...] your husband? Or husband, how do you know that you will notsave your wife? But the children shall be 'sanctified' by the believing wife/husband..."

  REALLY rough approximation of that scripture... I'm no bible scholar...

  Now, I know that the nasty term "apostate", might render the CORRECT meaning of that scripture invalid, at least according to the Watchtower Society... However, you, Brother Dan, are merely going through a period of severe doubt that is 'testing' your faith, wink, wink...

  Man, I know how hard it is to pretend... I was NEVER good at playing "spy"...

  However, I would most definitely wish that talent upon you, dear Brother Dan!!!

  (By the way, my real brother is also named Dan - whenever I hear that song, "Danny Boy", I think about him - and I haven't seen him for years and years... The Watchtower Society gradually drove wedges between us... I did try to warn him, not only about the Watchtower Society, but also about the poisonous behaviors of our parents... He didn't listen... Poor kid...)

  I do hope you have far more success in your situation. I've sent you another PM...

  Zid
• 

  CuriousButterfly

  BD,

  As with everyone here on the board I am SO sorry you are going through this crap. What is frustrating is a religion is seperating you and your family at the moment. Let's hope she settles down and takes off the rose colored glasses to see you are STILL "brother dan", the one whom she fell in love with minus the WTS. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
• 

  OUTLAW

  WBT$ marriage Advise..

  For JW`s married to Unbelievers..

  

  ............................. ...OUTLAW
• 

  elderelite

  Dan, do not make this an issue where you tell her she cant go to the hall or take your kids!!!!!!!!!! the elders will use that to justify her leaving and seperating from you!!!!!! ks book says "absolute endangerment of spirituality".. DONT MAKE IT AN ISSUE!!!!!!! let her go. let the kids go. Its not that big a deal. Hell, Dan, think about it man. You sat there YOUR WHOLE LIFE. I know as well as anyone the difficulties. Few of us just jump up and walk out never to return. Be paitient. Make sure this is strengh on your part, strenght of character. not weakness because you cant take hearing a few nonsensical lies... your strength may eventually give her confidence in you. Please please please be smart about this. You are re doing the same stupid experiment that some on this board have already done and proven is a failure. Talk to folks like mad sweeny or clyde and see what works. please dan, be smart. dont live with regret for the rest of your life because you were impatiant

  and just a last personal thought... it may not be wise to post her emails. Aside from any legal implications that were to arise if it was found out, its a bit of an invasion of the maritial vows. She thinks that she is emailing her husband her inner most thoughts, even if those are spoken out of pain. give her the courtesy of privacy. If you need to share, perhaps you could paraphrase or quote limited parts that are relevant... just my .02

  all the best to you
• 

  ziddina

  good points, ElderLite...
• 

  garyneal

  BrotherDan,

  I am so sorry to hear about this. I will ask our prayer group to add your name to the list so that we can pray for you and your family.

  Lot's of advice here but only you know your wife and what she is looking for. Perhaps talk to her about her feelings may help but she is probably viewing you as the enemy right now. I must admit, I've never been in a situation like yours as my wife and I married with me being the 'unbeliever' of the marraige. However, when I think about what this cult does to families, I cannot help but to think about the scripture that says that in the last days people will have 'no natural affection.' Choosing a religion over your spouse or family members certainly falls in the category of no natural affection to me.

  When my wife expressed unhappiness in our marriage over our religious differences I would agree that I do not like our religious differences either. Sometimes I bring up the scripture about staying with an unbeliever except that I say that I apply that scriptural advice to me and that I must stay with the unbeliever. Yeah it is offensive but they do it to us so touche. Most of the time, however, I just point out that we both love the Lord but see worshipping Him differently and say that as much as I would love to be with a woman who is the kind of Christian I dreamed of (and got married at a church to boot) I accept my lot in life because I chose my path.

  That may not work with your wife because she chose to marry a witness and did not expect him to 'apostasize.' I know these situations must be rough for both parties. So tough, especially if she is not taking the teachings of the Bible concerning divorce seriously. Perhaps you can use the famous mantra my wife loves to use on me. FAITH WITHOUT WORKS IS DEAD. By not following Bible counsel on matters of marriage, she is not exercising faith. (So Watchtower-esque)
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  Scully

  Isn't it amazing how two people of different religious backgrounds can get married, love and respect each other, and respect each others' religious differences? And raise children who understand both religious backgrounds?

  Nobody is saying that it's easy to do. But lots of people do it, and lots of couples succeed at it. Marriage isn't supposed to be a cakewalk under the best of times, but LOVE and MUTUAL RESPECT are the best predictors of success. What does that tell you about your wife's love and respect for you, as a person, if her knee-jerk reaction is what you've described?

  The only reason JWs are unsuccessful at inter-faith marriage is because their Governing Body requires JWs to create as much conflict as possible. There can be no compromise with Watchtower-ism. My way or the highway. It's totally opposite to the days when one partner joined the JWs and the other one was opposed, and persecuted the poor helpless JW. Now, it's the JWs doing the oppressing, making demands, offering no concessions, terrorizing the other spouse with threats of separation, divorce, child custody battles, alienation of affection on the part of the JW spouse and their children, etc. with the complete backing of the WTS and its legal henchmen.

  If you are not planning to interfere with her practice of Watchtower-ism, she has no scriptural grounds to divorce you. If she divorces you anyway, she will not be Free to Remarry™. She won't even be free to date other JW males. She won't be allowed any unchaperoned male companionship. Can she picture a life like that??