What is it with all the men waking up but the wives stay in? Why is it the opposite for me?

by Cadellin 80 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Franklin Massey

  Good observations Blondie. One thing you said though stood out to me...

  But if a man is a jw and has progressed to the position of MS or elder, certainly that shows he doesn't just have a passive approach to his religion as some sociological studies say men in general have.

  A lot of this "progress" isn't religiously based, it's organizationally based. JW males are constantly being told to reach out for greater service. There is a ladder to be climbed and every congregation is structured around constant recruitment and promotion. If a male is able but doesn't reach out, he gets the guilt trip. A male could easily be so busy with responsibilities in the congregation that he has very little time to ever question his beliefs. Think of the terms "company man" and "worker bee." That's what a lot of our brothers are.
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  Mickey mouse

  A lot of this "progress" isn't religiously based, it's organizationally based. JW males are constantly being told to reach out for greater service. There is a ladder to be climbed and every congregation is structured around constant recruitment and promotion. If a male is able but doesn't reach out, he gets the guilt trip. A male could easily be so busy with responsibilities in the congregation that he has very little time to ever question his beliefs. Think of the terms "company man" and "worker bee." That's what a lot of our brothers are.

  Describes my dad down to a T.
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  Lozhasleft

  My ex was very ambitious in the org BUT he didnt have a real love of 'truth' or of Jehovah ....at least I doubted it very much. He was always picking fault with everything and everyone and I think he would have been very happy to leave if I'd said the word....me, on the other hand, I was convinced it was the 'truth' and kept ignoring the things that troubled me and stayed submissive to the elders and the GB .... once we divorced he was out of there like a flash.... I woke up later when I had to face the cruel injustices that followed...I had no choice but to face the facts really...I think God had a hand in getting me out and even in bringing me to this site....

  *Waves at the atheists and runs for cover*

  Loz x
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  WontLeave

  Women are always more susceptible to cults, as emotional control tends to work more and they are less likely to question. A male mind is more analytical and he's more likely to wonder by what authority is some other dude ordering him around. Of course, women aren't allowed any level of authority in the congregation, so they'll never be privy to the inner workings, except from a disgruntled (or blabbermouth) husband. Knowledge and curiosity are the enemies of cult mind control, whereas emotional blackmail is the bread and butter. It's my experience, the JW women might know JW doctrine inside and out, but have absolutely no idea how to present or defend it scripturally, always having to resort to shoving a WT article at any question. Men have prepared talks and are expected to be the spiritual providers for their families and congregations. Men also have more of a tendency to want to know the whys of a doctrine.

  All this being said, people are individuals and your mileage may vary.
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  no more kool aid

  I don't know, with us it was me (the girl) that said "Ah, not going to do this anymore". My husband says it never occurred to him that we could just quit! Then when I was helping our friends out, I appealed to the female. The hand that rocks the cradle..... NMKA
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  Giordano

  Up to the 1980's way more women tended to be at home when JW'S came calling then men. Home had 2.5 children who needed their momma's attention. JW's came to them, visited them in their home's and gave them a bit of the old love bomb. So they would predominantly be the ones that were introduced to the cult. The husbands might go along or at the least sign off on the religion as women's work. The mothers usually had the most influence with their young children and the father's less so. So before you know it the hooks went in......deep. That generation of children would in turn marry witnesses' and the next generation and the next would as well. Eventually the blood line and commitment weakens since it was only about how you were raised. Since the commitment was not voluntary push back starts up as it does in most dominant type religions.

  Because the WTBTS is male dominated the males, as others have commented on, are more often exposed to how the sausage is really made, so to speak, and it's often not a pretty sight. The connective tissue is thin to start with and breaks down frequently. Throw in a lack of education and often menial jobs plus a huge time sacrifice and the total involvement needed if one wants to climb the ladder and you have what is happening to many on this site......... the breakdown of a belief system that can't measure up.

  Women are also fighting back more and more because many want an education and want to date to be sure of a potential mate. Why does it seem that there is less coming from the women may simply be because they are still the primary care givers and a healthy proportion don't work outside of the family. They are also spared the sausage making since they can't have positions in the congregation. If they are comfortable in that situation then they are not going to be greatly troubled by doubts until an event triggers it. With more education and working jobs away from home many more sisters ARE experiencing doubts and asking questions.

  But this is a tough system to buck. By way of example:

  In my small city we have a military school. The top people live on campus and there are name signs near the front door that say General and Mrs. Robert Brown. Colonel and Mrs. Vincent Cob and so on. And so it is with JW's.

  Without it's women the JW's would fold. By not respecting their women they are half as effective as they could be.
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  Lunatic Faith

  I was raised in a strongly patriarchal household, so even though I always thought I had a mind of my own I never once considered I had any choice as to faith. There was only one path!

  Then I got married to a man who had a more 50-50 approach to life. He listened to me and valued my opinions and didn't shoot me down whenever I expressed an unpopular opinion. His validation and reinforcement gave me the permission to start thinking for myself. It reminds me of something I read in my psych book recently:

  "When we feel prized as worthwhile human beings, just for being ourselves, with no conditions or strings attached, we are likely to move toward our ideal selves. Few of us receive this validation from our parents, but we can move toward our ideal selves if we receive affirmation and support from a close partner."

  Maybe the first step toward freedom for any of us is permission to think freely.
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  mindmelda

  I quit going to meetings first, my husband persevered a bit longer, but unenthusiastically. He's more a creature of habit and liked some of his friends there, worked with them.

  I had friends too, but I got to where I couldn't go to a meeting without squirming every time a teaching I knew was DEAD WRONG was uttered from the platform. I'd sit through the whole meeting correcting it in my head.

  Very tiresome. I just couldn't do it anymore.
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  cyberjesus

  that tells you who are more inclined to fantasy, superstition and illusory beliefs
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  OnTheWayOut

  I don't know if more men are waking up than women. Maybe.
  I know in my own case that doctrine was important. As an active elder, I had to deal with the doctrine and promoting it from the platform on a regular basis. It had to be something I believed in to promote it. That didn't stay that way with "generation" and some other stuff.

  My wife is a social JW. She really only knows that WTS teaches "the truth" and she is sure they have the basics right: God's name, no Trinity, we are living in the end, etc. She loves the "friends." She has no interest in proving the doctrine to herself. She goes in the recruiting work to hang out with the "friends."

  If I stayed active, the 2008 flip from "wicked generation" to "anointed generation" would have caused me to leave. Even if that didn't do it, the "overlapping generation" would have been waaaaaaay over the top. My wife couldn't care less what it means. Otherwise, she is an intelligent person.