I don't know why we are assuming that more men wake up than women. Perhaps many women don't need the reinforcment of apostate boards such as these. I find it difficult to believe that women don't "get it", but the men come to their senses. Frankly, most men I know just aren't that smart. Particularly JW men.
What is it with all the men waking up but the wives stay in? Why is it the opposite for me?
by Cadellin 80 Replies latest jw experiences
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Crisis of Conscience
I can agree with many, MANY of the comments here. And it bothers me that my wife just can't be logical about somethings despite the fact that at times she does present a balanced view that I can't argue with at times.
But it's quite often that men think and women feel. Rising up in the JW ranks allowed me to see many things women, and including non-appointed men, wouldn't see. These things just didn't add up in my thoughts. I explain that to my wife and she "feels" Jehovah will take care of it. When? Frustrating to say the least.
Emotion many times overrides logic and that could be why it seems that a woman does not wake up. But I have realized one thing. My wife DOES listen and even thinks about what I have said. She brings up things that I have mentioned and admits that she agrees with some of them and is bothered by things she has observed herself now.
There is always hope. Never underestimate.
CoC
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TD
I'm one of the many male spouses of an active JW and this is just my observation. Men and women seem to get different things out of the JW faith.
For example, it appeals to my wife because of her strong sense of family.
When it did appeal to me, it's appeal lay in what seemed like rational answers to life, the universe and everything. --And it's a whole lot easer to become disillusioned with that.
In other words, the reward that my wife got (And still gets) from the JW faith is much more real, than what I got. I got disillusioned in my late teens. The JW faith did not provide rational answers. She's still going strong more than four decades later. The JW faith does reward her sense of family.
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inbetween
Since I`ve been married I learned a lot about how woman function, and I´m still learning and it amazes me often.
Trying to help my wife to wake up is like a rollercoaster, and somehow I can grasp a bit why. Challenging your lifelong hold belief system was even for me as a man quite tough on the emotional level, and still is to some extent.
However, often after some discussions, where I try to help open her eyes, and even if she disagrees on the spot, later on she admits, thinking about it and its bugging her, that the org says this or does that.
and sometimes she even surprises me with "independant" thoughts, that even I did not think about. I commend her for that, and we openly discuss doctrine and other things.
However, I totally agree with the observation, that as an elder it seperates you from the flock and to some extend isolates you. I have no close friends in our hall (I know too much about people there and hate the knowledge), my friends are from other halls.
For my wife, she is a bit more connected, however, as she is my best friend, and I am hers, also this is not the real problem.
I think, for most situations like that, patience and love are the keys on the long run...
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3Mozzies
I know 5 couples that have all woken up from the WT$ and the 5 men woke up first, their wives followed later.
From what I have observed with them, the women were emotionally attached to the religion (being it: friends/life style/paradise hope...etc), making it hard for some to leave.
3Mozzies
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dozy
Have to agree with the posters. For me it was being an elder that really made me see the completely unscriptural & unchristian way that the Org was run in meetings with the CO , petty elder politics , dubious decisions etc. In one of my earliest elders meetings it was like a kindergarten - one elder walked out in a huff. It was a real eye opener. Yet the next meeting all was sweetness & light in the KH , so nobody would have been the wiser. I think if I had never been appointed I wouldn't have seen "behind the curtain" and would probably be still in.
What keeps most JWs going is the social / family network. For a woman to break out of this & be potentially shunned by her mother & father / siblings or even children is always going to be extremely difficult whereas for a guy , it can be dooable , if they have enough guts and through work mates etc enough of an alternative social support network.
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teel
One more thing to consider is the sampling: isn't it simply that there are more men on the site than women?
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nugget
It is difficult to provide a full explanation. For my husband it was doing research for the memorial talk that started the ball rolling. Add to that JCs with people having doubts and power politics by other elders. He realised that the holy spirit had less to do with the organisation than he had always believed. Once that was recognised it was easy to find the errors in doctrine, the issues with history the dreadful truth behind the blood issue.
When he told me it was initially a shock I didn't want to believe it was true and didn't want to discuss it. At about that time I was doing reading about the Mormon church and was able to see the corruption in that organisation my husband then said how do you know your organisation is any better? That statement worried me a great deal. I read Steve Hassans book and Crisis of conscience and it was pretty much job done. I had also seen the lack of love and lying by the body of elders in our congregation and I thought "Oh my God they can't believe it either they are in it for the power." I loathe lying and as far as I was concerned if God hates lying as Proverbs states how could he support an organisation that lies at the level this one does.
I can understand why men are more likely to wake first as their exposure to the nuts and bolts of the organisation means that they have greater opportunities to find out things that are kept hidden from the rank and file. Cult programming goes very deep and it takes stubborness and determination to break free. It is also hard to give up friends and family and resist the peer pressure within the congregation to conform. I thank god for my stubborn genes.
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FlyingHighNow
I'm a wife who left. He divorced me. I put up no contest. He wasn't as happy as he thought he would be. He never remarried. He hardly ever goes to the hall. He was a born in. I was not. He will probably always convince himself he believes. His actions betray a deep down doubt though. We had both been inactive for years before our divorce.
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FlyingHighNow
I hated what the JW's did to my marriage, my children and my physical and mental health. I went inactive due to the stress and at one point nearly lost my life due to illness I am sure was helped along by the unhealthy lifestyle. Yes, this cult damn near killed me: literally. It destroyed my family in many ways.