What is it with all the men waking up but the wives stay in? Why is it the opposite for me?

by Cadellin 80 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Crisis of Conscience

  I admit to being one of the persons that spoke about feeling and thinking. But I didn't throw the blame on women completely.
  I've based my comments on MY experience and the females that I have been around. And I don't say that men aren't emotional because then how would I explain my situation.
  Logically, I should've left already. But emotionally I fight with the "feeling" of 'what if' at times.
  In my opinion, logic doesn't necessarily involve caring. Emotion does. And in my case I've seen more of that caring, sometimes expressed in the form of worrying, more by women. But not ALL being women. Men too, we can be big emotional babies.
  So at this time, I offer an apology if I've offended, and also kindly ask all to remove the knot from their skid-stained panties. Thank you.

  CoC
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  Curtains

  my perception is that more men are staying in nowadays and more men are getting baptized. Today JW women have more and more access to education and jobs and are finding they have huge resources - they can feel and think - commonsensical stereotyping from the past and the present no longer holds true.

  cadellin, I don't think your perception re this board is inaccurate though. It may be that when women leave a higher proportion choose other networking sites or divide their time more evenly between here and there.

  edit: another point that could skewer the figures is that there are more married men in the congregation than single but more single women than single men.
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  FlyingHighNow

  Feeling verses thinking. When I was a baby, too small to stand, I remember being at church in the nursery. The only word I understood was my name: Heather. I can tell you what babies think, since they haven't got words to think with yet. They feel their thoughts. They feel loved. They feel important. They feel awe. They observe the sheer size and color of and newness of everything, without ever thinking a word. They don't think, "Oh, the nursery worker is coming to get me for the children's church service." But they know it, without words.

  My point, feeling on its own is a kind of thinking process.
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  The Finger

  The sisters I know. One. She has a good education and is a smart woman with a good job. She stays as she agrees with most of the basics and she has friends and she can keep a relative low profile in the congregation as a sister.

  Two. She was raised in the truth and has an Elder husband strong minded woman but loves the worldwide brotherhood and will put up a fair argument for the "Truth" again not too much is demanded of her in the congregation.

  Three. She is a very smart woman had a good job and born in. Elder father. Only a basic knowledge of the "truth" but has alot of friends.

  I could go on with a few more. In my view sisters get on more socially and little is demanded of them from the organization. However I think the reason people leave is it has to touch them personally. If it doesn't, male or female they will stay.
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  jgnat

  Hi, I'm a never-JW married to a Witness. So I don't fit your observation. But then again, I never joined. Instead I fell in love with a lapsed Witness and before we married he had re-joined the religion. So I can't say I didn't know what I was getting in to. I have a few board friends, not Witnesses, but their husbands are. In both cases, their husbands returned to their childhood religion AFTER a few years of marriage...much to the woman's outrage. I know my husband stays in because it gives him something he needs (status, routine, goals).

  I'd suggest your strategy will depend on what your husband is getting out of his involvement. I know my husband gets lots of "sympathy points" having an "unbeliever" at home. There are also plenty of single sisters waiting in the wings in case we fail. (Part of the social dynamics of an organization with a "surplus" of women)

  Also food for thought, here's an observation from a study by Zimbardo in his book,The Time Paradox. This is the demographic for the typical believer in an afterlife, which he calls "Transcendental-Future Time Perspective": "The typical Transcendental is an older Protestant woman of Hispanic or African-American origin who believes in salvation, attends religous services, and performs religious rituals at home. She seldom watches R-rated movies; she believes in future rewards; she has great empathy for the feelings of others; and she is happier than are people with lower scores." Keep in mind this is a characterization built on many, many survey responses. Do you know someone like her?
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  meangirl

  I agree Finger it has to touch them personally. It is not a matter of being male or female.
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  garyneal

  marked
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  alias

  Maybe I've just not paid attention to the wives on board here who have husbands who stay JW.

  raises hand
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  Justitia Themis

  I've based my comments on MY experience and the females that I have been around

  Then you should preface your generalization with that acknowledgement and say that you are not commenting on women in general, but only those you know.

  I suspect that most of the men on this board are blue collar. It is highly unlikely that the women in their social circles are professionals, and there is a big difference in how professional women and non-professional women respond to circumstances...just as there is a big difference between how professional men and non-professional men respond, act, think, and speak. I suspect the generalizations about women on this DB are more a product of the women these men know, than women in general.

  I want to give just one example. My daughter and I had dinner last night; she's 30. She was talking about a "funny" incident that occured at work that day. She was in a high level meeting that was "phones off" serious. (Yes...corporate America has phone-on and phone-off meetings) Her boss (a Persian gentleman) comes in, squats down next to the woman next to her (high level Russian) and asks her a question, to which she replies, "I don't know; ask my daughter, she knows that stuff." He asks a complex accounting/facilities/production/Oracle question that my daughter answers, but she was suspicious. After the meeting concludes, she seeks out her boss and asks, "What did I just do?" He snickers, "You just OK'd a million dollar launch in Germany." She laughs at him and says, "No I didn't. YOU just OK'd it. I can prove I was in a meeting, and BTW, you figured incorrectly...it's a 3 million dollar launch!"

  The point being...most of you guys don't hang with women like that, and it clouds your conclusions about how women think, feel, react, and process information.

  Additionally, as a male in the congregation, you are constantly told you are superior, which provides men with a sense of confidence. Conversely, women are told they can't function without a male, which leaves them constantly doubting themselves. Therefore, they SHOULD take longer and require more evidence before deciding to leave. It is actually quite rational and logical that a person in such a situation WOULD take longer and/or choose not to leave.

  Also, if a man walks away and his wife doesn't, and it leads to divorce, he can still usually afford to eat! JW women are uneducated and if they do work, it is rarely in a job that could support them, so there is a financial consideration if they leave and their husband divorces them. If they have kids, they are looking at living at or below poverty.

  So I posit a contrary conclusion: JW women taking longer to leave, or choosing not to leave, is often times a LOGICAL and RATIONAL and REASONABLE response to the situation in which they find themselves.
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  Justitia Themis

  BTW, for those born-in, this social conditioning of women starts at infancy.

  You certainly will not see THIS type of little girl at the KH!

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rbMHLDY1pA&feature=youtube_gdata_player