If you don't want to be DF'd, you must lie to them or refuse to meet with them.
the elders want to meet with me tomorrow
by wannabefree 146 Replies latest members private
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wannabefree
It's not a JC, but it isn't as if they have tried to be encouraging to me in the past year-and-half + that it was obvious that things changed with me.
How is, "can you meet with Brother So-and-so and myself tomorrow at such and such a time?", encouraging? Shepherding visits are supposed to be encouraging, this isn't a shepherding visit.
Do they have anything on me?
I haven't been turning in field service reports for a few months now, I had casual conversations with these elders individually this past summer, I have been missing most of the meetings while the rest of my family goes.
If I refuse to meet, I think we all know what assumptions they will make about that, if they question my wife and kids they will know that I no longer view the JW's as God's Organization. They've already been playing spiritual head to my wife and kids because of my failure.
Sure, they can say they want to help me, and maybe in their mind they do, but we all know that my thoughts don't matter, the Organization isn't going to change for me, they want to know if I am on board with the faithful slave or not. They have already asked me that specific question, my response was "boy, thats a loaded question", the elder agreed and we moved on from the subject.
I guess it is time for a change. I don't think my wife and kids are going to appreciate it.
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Pams girl
Totally agree with Hortensia 100%. YOU are in control,but by going, you simply give your power to them. Be polite, but dont go.
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cedars
How is, "can you meet with Brother So-and-so and myself tomorrow at such and such a time?", encouraging? Shepherding visits are supposed to be encouraging, this isn't a shepherding visit.
Do they have anything on me?
So they didn't say anything at all about the purpose of the visit? IS it a visit, or do YOU need to meet them somewhere, like at the hall?
This is sounding weird. I'm surprised, given the fact that you haven't been to meetings for so long, that they aren't being more transparent as to why they want to meet with you. Didn't you ask why when they mentioned it?
Cedars
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wannabefree
IS it a visit, or do YOU need to meet them somewhere, like at the hall?
They want me to meet with them at the hall.
I'm surprised, given the fact that you haven't been to meetings for so long, that they aren't being more transparent as to why they want to meet with you.
My demeanor changed drastically Winter 2010, obvious to many but subject was avoided, I still attended meetings regularly, but all of a sudden I was not commenting at meetings, rarely participating in the ministry, turned in reports to keep the elders happy. I stopped turning in service reports this summer and missed most meetings.
Didn't you ask why when they mentioned it?
A voice mail was left on my phone.
I suppose I am making too much of it.
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cedars
I don't like it - smells fishy. A shepherding visit would normally be at your home. Asking you to meet with them at the hall has all the makings of a JC, or at least some kind of investigation that could lead to a JC.
Scrap my earlier advice. Make up an excuse and tell them you can't make it.
Cedars
[edit note: wouldn't it be awful if you accidentally spilled coffee on your answering machine before you could pick up the message?]
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00DAD
wannabefree: If they question my wife and kids they will know that I no longer view the JW's as God's Organization.
Now that I have a better idea of why the elders ostensibly want to meeting with you I would affirm that you should just politely refuse. If you think they are or are likely to talk to your wife and kids to "get something" on you, you could do a pre-emptive maneuver and remind the elders of the Headship Arrangement and that you do NOT want them talking to your wife or kids without you being present. Here I would STRONGLY urge you to be insistent. Let them know you are serious about this.
Then you might need to do some damage control with the wife and kids to make sure they don't give you up. The problem is that they have all been indoctrinated to believe that "telling the elders" is showing loyalty to Jehovah. Sadly, anyone that's still a True Believer will almost always choose the organization over any family member, even dear old dad.
I haven't talked to my 20 year old son in over 2 years. Don't make the same mistakes I did! Don't do it.
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00DAD
Well if it's just a voicemail I would encourage you to not respond in any way. (They can't be sure you even got the message.)
But don't ignore it. It's still a good idea to talk to the wife and kiddies as I suggested above and do some pre-emptive strategizing. A lot depends on your wife and kids, where they're at with their beliefs about the organization and your personal relationship with them. Without knowing your personal situation of course I'm only guessing, but it's unlikely you're all on the same page with things. That's just usually the way it is with families in this messed up religion.
Be careful, very careful. This can be very confusing for your family.
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wannabefree
Good advice. It's a complicated situation to be sure.
I will ignore it, just like I ignored the last couple of text messages asking for my "time".
I haven't talked to my 20 son in over 2 years. Don't make the same mistakes I did! Don't do it.
That is heartbreaking. That is what I have been trying to avoid. I guess depending on the tenacity of the elders and the Org for resolution, it may be inevitable.
