Nice guys left in the cold (page 2)

Elsewhere

Lilacs, if you don't know then I'm not telling you. (I've always wanted to say that to a woman!)

Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><

What I wouldn't give to find a nice guy, someone who would treat me like a princess, and be there for me 24/7 without any pretense. Someone who wouldn't judge me or want to change me...once upon a dream, I thought that guy existed, right there before me, but then I realized that I was in a fantasy land...Or maybe I'm stereotyping one horrible experience that consumed my life for over a year. This guy had it all, he was my prince charming, but he was also extremely good looking. What made him even more appealing, is that he didn't even know how hot he was. But in the end he turned out to be a frog.

So my nice guy turned into a jerk.

That's always my luck with men.

SixofNine

Gee David, that was a really asshole way to treat Lilacs!

just tryin' to help ya out bud

butalbee

Elsewhere--Most of the serious relationships I've had with men, started out on a "we're just friends" terms. The more you get to really know a person, the closer you can be to that person.

Skeptic

Elsewhere, I think you are over generalizing, but there is some truth to what you say: the jerks get the chicks.

This is largely because "bad boys" are exciting...they live on the edge, they party hard, they do some crime, life with them is exciting...until the reality sets in that the bad boy is a jerk and treats his woman like dirt, that worrying about bills being paid and the police calling eventually are no fun. I base this observation on comments from relatives who date jerks.

Nice guys are responsible enough not to live on the edge, so they appear to be vanilla by comparison. But there is another side: a lot of nice guys are clueless about when a woman is interested in them. Myself included. Yes, I consider myself to be a nice guy, though my ex-wife may be of another opinion.

As one comedian said, "Ladies, guys DO NOT get the hint!" It is true. I rarely clue in when a woman is interested in me. I prefer she beat me over the head with "I want you, you idiot!"

I suspect a lady is interested, but then I am too shy to find out if she is. I usually find out too late, when it is too late to ask her out, or after I have broken her heart.

So guys, just ask the lady out. The worst she will say is no.

I had little to no clue that Windrider was interested in me....until I finally got the guts to ask her for a relationship. I am so glad I did! And we chuckle about it because she put out the vibes long before I asked her. I just didn't clue in.

Based on the few times I have found a lady to be interested in me, here are some indicators given to me in my life from married and unmarried women that they were interested in me.

She says, "I wish we were married to eachother." (I clued in on that one!)

Your wife tells you that a woman wants to bed you. If your wife is not jealous, then this is a VERY strong indicator that the lady really wants to bed you! (I clued in, but was not quite sure.)

She goes to your wife's place of work and tells her that she does NOT want to bed you, but knows that everyone thinks she does just because she kept playing with your knee and making suggestive comments for a couple of hours. (I clued in, but was not sure because this is normal behavior where I was raised.)

She asks for your phone number. (I did not clue in.)

She asks to correspond with you. (I did not clue in.)

Relatives/friends tease you about not clueing in when a lady was obviously interested in you.

She loves standing next to you, and both of you talk for two hours and it seems like two minutes. (Yep, I clued in.)

She refuses to teach you Portuguese, except for the phrases, "You are my friend." and "I love you.", but refuses to explain why. (Clued in.)

She is completely heartbroken when you let her know that you will not have sex with anyone except with your wife. (Clued in/did not clue in)

She looks at you and touches you in "that way". (Did clue in)

She sends you really strange apologies, for no apparent reason. (Did not clue in/clued in)

You meet her at the library, and in the first conversation she has with you, in the first five minutes she lets you know that she has kids but no custody, lives alone, and has no boyfriend...and the conversation started around how to send an email. Yeah, I clued in!!

OK, so now you all know I am clueless about women. A weak argument in my defense is that in my hometown, men and women were often very affectionate, and friends would often kiss eachother. Also, due to my childhood, I have an unusually good rappore with women, and so the indicators that would tell a guy that "she is interested", are often just normal conversation with me. Many guys have asked me how come I can talk so easily with women. (The secret is: treat them like people.)

I feel safe in telling you all that I am good at conversing with women, and lousy at picking them up because now I have snagged WindRider! So I no longer have to worry about the dating scene.

Richard

bitter mango

i've only dated two assholes ... and as soon as it started they were dropped.

BUT i've noticed that my sister, and all my girl buddies not only always end up with jerks, but STAY WITH THEM. *shrug* don't ask me. honestly, i think too many women are weak. they want love, no matter what kind of love it is. they'll stick with a guy that treats them like dirt as long as they feel wanted in some way. pretty lame if you ask me, i'd rather be very very alone!

p.s. a few of my guy pals have complete bitches for girlfriends, but they say the sex is good so they stick around. who knows .

you're happy cause you smile but how much can you fake...

Elsewhere

SixOfNine: Thanks bud!
Lilacs: So babe, wanna go out some time?

As one comedian said, "Ladies, guys DO NOT get the hint!"

LOL! Yes that is true! Me - not a clue. [hand over head]

LADIES: Please, just tell us what's on your mind. That will greatly simplify so much.

So guys, just ask the lady out. The worst she will say is no

Very true - something I had to learn the hard way. The worst they can do is say no... well not exactly, they could also burst out laughing at you. (Yes, that did happened to me - Bitch!)

Believe in yourself, not mythology.
<x ><

gilwarrior

Women wine, bitch and complain about where all the nice guys are. Well, nice guys are all around you, but you don't really want a nice guy. Oh sure women say that want a nice guy, but in the end if they have to choose the nice guy and the bad boy, they will always take the bad boy.

Why don't women just have the guts to admit that they want a bad boy! Personally I am sick of women saying that they want a nice guy.

The next time that that a woman is interested in me, I am going to treat her like crap, just to see how she reacts. I am not sure if it will work, through. She will probably see right through me.

Oh, well

"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

mommy

Gil,
I always have been attracted to bad boys I have met good guys too, you guys are just plain boring! Actually the guys some would call bad boys were just more spontaneous than other men, this is where the thrill is. The fun part is taking off the leather and seeing what a sweetie they really are. As far as jerks, well that is another thing altogether. You can be a bad boy and still treat your woman with respect and compassion. Jerks are guys who are so preoccupied with themselves they don't care who they hurt in the long run.

Hungry,
I loved your post!

Sweet Mango
I agree that girls aren't the only ones who stay in an empty relationship. I know plenty of guys who have treadmarks on their back, yet keep going back for more.

Elswhere,
I agree with Six, haha Do something they would never expect and you may just rile them a bit. I don't know if I would personally start sucking on a finger, but I have never been in that situation If you are so laid back and mellow there is no challenge or interest on their part. I say be more spontaneous, tell her what you want, even if you think she will slap you for your forwardness. Once you get bruised up a bit, you will find a place that is right for you to approach woman. Remember nobody likes a doormat, and a friend is someone you would never consider sleeping with, thus a relationship is out. Good luck!
wendy

When I leave, you will know I have been here

gilwarrior

Oh man, I have to continue with this thread. Women, get it through your heads: MOST OF YOU DON'T WANT A NICE GUY! Most women will find a nice guy to be bland and boring. I, sadly, bought this crap that woman wanted a nice guy and I have been a nice guy most of my life. It has gotten me NOWHERE! I don't see attractive, smart, intelligent women dating nice guys. They are dating the guys who are adventurous, daring, and unpredictable. Sadly, most women are willing to put up with a jerk!

Well, I have decided that that is what I am going to be. I'm not going to be nice and sweet anymore! Fuck that! If I go to a bar and a woman asks me to buy her a drink, I'll tell her to go buy her own damn drink.

I will dress better, get in shape, and have more confidence. And, I am not going to nice! That does not mean that will necessarily treat woman horribly, but I will be assirtive and say what is on my mind.

Whew! Writing that sure made me feel better.

If I offended anyone here...too bad!

"I have so much love to give, but no one to give it to."

William H. Macy - "Magnolia"

Nice guys left in the cold

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