Can you be in Love with two persons? My Dilemma... (page 6)

Intel

Good for you Philadelphia Ponos. I'm glad that you feel that way. More power to you. Feeling better now? Good. Me too.

PS: I don't give rats ass about what you think. I used the porn example because YOU HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT this topic. I was NOT condemning you because of porn itself! Understand?....you could still have come here and say that I'm a lousy father (and I might be a lousy father) and still give some advice, some constructive ideas - EVEN if you don't agree with me as a person or my proceedings in Life - I didn't say that I'm a saint and I don't pretend to be one - I had to do that way too long in the Borg. BUT, instead you choose to come here and show up as a pretentious thread shitter that, I REPEAT: HAS NO SAYING ABOUT THE MATTER BECAUSE - YOU KNOW? - LET ME SAY IT SLOWLY, for your better understanding: N-O L-I-F-E E-X-P-E-R-I-E-N-C-E.

still thinking

Intel...I think it is possible to Love two people for different reasons...but to find 'your soul mate'? no, I think two at one time is not likely.

I am a bit off the idea of the older man younger woman thing...but that is based on my own experience. My ex husband was 21 years older than me. I think it became an issue near the end of our marriage. But I don't know if that is entirely the issue because I really think I made the wrong decision marrying him in the first place. Regardless of his age. So who knows. If I really loved him, ,maybe it wouldn't ever have mattered.

Going back to a marriage partner for the childrens sake may seem commendable because it would appear to give the children stability. But I don't think this is always the case. If a marriage is over, it is over. Children don't benefit from living around that sort of relationship.

My current partner and I are very loving towards one another. My children see this. I think this has to have a good effect on them. They can see what a relationship should be like. They can see that you should be happy together. Hopefully they will want that in their relationships as they grow older and won't just settle for safe or duty.

As long as you keep regular contact with your child and they have two loving parents who do not critisize each other in front of the child. And as long as the child is still your first priority they will not suffer.

But back to you, I think you need space to clear your head. Time to follow your heart and find out what you want.

elderelite

Lol phil pulls his head out of the dirt again for a drive by snipping.... And countdown to temper tantrum and "im never comming back" rant by phil...

10-9-8-.....

Mr. Falcon

Hey! you all can attack each other, but you leave the hard-working ladies of the adult industry out of this!

so sayeth Falcon.

3rdgen

Intel, Please reread your answer to my question: How does she act when she doesn't get her own way? This manipulative behavior on her part speaks volumes. Willful people tend to seek partners they know will give in to preserve the peace. This selfish personality trait has nothing to do with religion. Even if she leaves the Borg for good, you will still be living a life walking on eggshells. Is THAT what you want 10, 20, years from now?

It is good to be a peacemaker up to a point, but NOT at the expence of loosing yourself. You must learn to respect yourself more. Therapy might be money well spent. To be part of a successful relationship you must be whole within yourself. You must be able to bring something to the "table". Your hopes, dreams, interests, should never have to be tossed simply to satisfy your partner.

I hope you carefully consider these things. I was married 30 years to someone sefish. I have been married 12 years to someone who is not. Freedom to be your self is priceless.

Intel

3rdgen: I am grateful for your help. I am not here to get some kind of confirmation for my current situation, or to "calm my conscience", I am here to learn from real people and real situations. I have relinquished "from me" for so long that I didn't even consider what you are saying. Yes, it is a point that will weight heavily on a relationship.

Right now I am just lost and confused and hurt, because of the turmoil of emotions that is going on in my inner self. My girlfriend said that she has the impression that the Watchtower cripples people and their will to the point that (at least born ins) are 40 in age, but have personalities of teenagers. We have to start dealing with stuff, that for others is granted and part of basic human development. I never thought that the influence of this cult would catch up with me, even more after leaving.

Today I have brought her to the airport. It was a "undetermined" good bye...she cried her eyes out and I spent the maior part of the afternoon doing the same. I now feel hurt, have fear of the future and drained....so weak. I'm sorry for bothering you with - what seems like my "teenage love story". She does feel like my soulmate, as the mayor part of our relationship was based on talking, talking, talking,...it wasn't something that started as sexual attraction, to the contrary of what some think, the age difference is not always about "OMG, she's young = smoking hot" - it brings challenges with it! But it is her person, her inner self, to have the feeling for the first time in years that I could talk and be understood, to the point where we sometimes where thinking the same stuff and started talking at the same time. My brother in law is still a witness and wanted to meet her a couple of weeks ago (as the rest of the family was probably curious / worried about "the slut" that I was dating, because you know? Not-Witness equals automatically slut).

He still believes in the witnessisms, but admitted that we are very similar in our personalities and that she is more mature than I am. Anyway, that is - for now - "water under the bridge"...normally I should have had love sickness at my teens, but here I am now, with 40 crying for - what I think - is the Love of my Life.

I thank everyone for being with me at this "dark hour" - hey, as I've said: I don't expect you to come here and applaud me or something. You can have a different opinion and I will still appreciate to hear it, I don't have the "trademark" on wisdom, but at least try to tell me why you think that way or how to do things in a better way - not like that Jerk that arrived here pissing all over this thread.

I might need some kind of therapy...

It is very, very difficult to expose myself and write this stuff up. I am even more doing this, because it helps and because of the wonderful people in this community. I wish you all the very Best for your Lifes and don't wish anyone to be in this situation as it is very hurtful - no doubt even for my ex and my child.

Intel

Oh a couple of thoughts, that didn't fit in the previous post.

still thinking: I wasn't looking to start dating. It just happened. We started talking, a very profound conversation that was relaxed, non-flirtatious and continued with emails (at the time I had to travel back to my country). So for the first months, we would only write to each other - we wrote over 300 lengthy emails, sharing things, talking about things that I never told ANYBODY, she did the same. The physical aspect wasn't there, yet. So, at the Beginning we wouldn't think a lot about the age thing. It was only after we started seeing each other, actively dating that I noticed the many stigmas that exist - her father and other think: "Old dude, wants 'hot young ass' " - as "someone" here said. Others looked at her and the first reaction is: "Young lady looking for some suggar daddy". It isn't easy - eventhough most European countries are "open minded", but still...If it werent for her maturity, I don't think this would work out, I am just "too old" to jump around like a 18 year old or something. But then, she finds people in her age range (20's) silly and not "deep" enough.

Mr. Falcon: We will leave the ladies alone (I was actually pissed off because of the manner, not because of the pr0n)

mrsjones5

Don't let PeePee get to you. He's talking out of his ass as usual.

Band on the Run

Philly,

I find the age difference not wise or mature. She is old enough to be his daughter, not a partner. In the 1950s, old men/much younger women were common compared to today. You may not believe me but life will change your attitude. I used to be judgmental. All answers resided with me. If the entire world listened to me, we would have paradise. My mom was an idiot. As the years passed, I transgressed many times. Sometimes I simply could not believe it. My attitude towards my mom changed as I made mistakes in my life. Now I see her as very wise.

Personally, I find this situation suspect. Why would the gf stick around if she had any self-esteem? B/c she is so much younger. Intel only gave us the highlights from his viewpoint. Only God or the universe knows the truth. It is his life. I don't agree with the morality and Queen for a Day choice between two adult women. It is not my life, however. Compassion and politeness never hurts. You could have made your points and retain their integrity without being so condemnatory and superior. Again, I agree the child is perhaps the main concern. Since I don't know the details, I expect Intel is gentleman enough not to write a 50 page essay, stripping himself of privacy, and posting it. There are so many possibilities.

There were so many slogans I viewed as hokey trash in my youth. Time changed my perspective. NEVER SAY NEVER. Life happens. There but for the grace of God stand you in perhaps a worse dilemma.

Intel

mrsjones5: I didn't knew him. First encounter for me, ...I only went back to read some of his postings, before I answered to this gentleman. I wanted to know his story, before answering, NOT to attack him on a personal level, but to see what kind of life experience, JW-experience he has or if he was sick or something. Well, what should I say. I will focus on the constructive, good comments that friends gave me through this thread.

Can you be in Love with two persons? My Dilemma...

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