In love with a JW...

by CuriousUK 156 Replies latest social relationships

• 

  CuriousUK

  In so many ways, the beliefs of JW are not so far removed from the Church of England. But where they differ, they really differ!!!

  I should also clarify that I am not currently dating this guy. We were together for three weeks, two years ago, before KH intervened and stopped him seeing or contacting me. In the last six months he has started texting me and even made plans to come and see me where I now live in London, which I thought was strange at the time as it would be very much breaking the rules for him. I took this as a sign that he was moving away from being JW, as surely even texting me is breaking the rules?

  At the time when we were together, I knew he was someone special, not even considering his religion. I think he is confused and would love to ultimately get him away from JW, but I know as he has grown up this way, it would be hugely hard for him... And then there is the danger he would go back again
• 

  james_woods

  You may be right - maybe he is confused, and would like to get away from them somewhere in his mind...but,

  Look at it this way, CuriousUK - would you still be holding a flame for him if he was married and refused to leave his wife?

  Well, he really is married to the JWs - and trust us: getting free from that is just like going through a divorce. Sometimes a relatively easy divorce, sometimes the ugliest divorce you can imagine - but STILL, a divorce.
• 

  CuriousUK

  That's a very interesting angle james_woods - thank you for that viewpoint.... never thought of it like that before

  This is so helpful to me! Thank you everyone again
• 

  nugget

  I'm from the uk and can confirm that jws are similar the world over. Shunning of members who leave of their own accord or are df'd is alive and well and common practice. Our hall had a talk in which someone dating outside the organisation was told this was disloyal to god and if this person did not change their ways then they should be marked as a bad association. Any brother who marries outside the faith would not be approved for any advancement within the congregation leading to resentment within the family.

  You are being realistic be aware that the cult conditioning is deep and profound and can lead to guilt for many years. Unless someone breaks free totally there is always a risk they will be drawn back. If someone is df'd but still believes then again they may find themselves seeking reinstatement later even after many years. Witnesses are troubled souls and they cannot be your soulmate all the time they abdicate so much of themselves to an organisation.
• 

  james_woods

  Again, hate to present the dark side of all this (as everyone else is too), CuriousUK.

  But we really hate to see you fall into a horrible trap.
• 

  moshe

  And how many JWs who quit going to the KH and marry a non-JW spouse, suddenly get all fired up about going back to the KH meetings when their first child is born? They can't wait to start dragging that toddler out in the door to door preaching work. With a JW, youi have to be very sure they have really quit their religion and haven't just stopped practicing it in order to deceive someone into marrying them.
• 

  just Ron

  DO not go into the study with an open mind! You will be converted then when you find new facts or the light changes. You can never leave and If you do leave and have children he will do every thing to make them part of the group and to never have any thing to do with you. Coming from some one finally getting his family out after several years of suffering. You are only setting your self up for greef.

  Ron
• 

  Magwitch

  When a man wants to marry you, it should be because he likes you, loves you and is in love with you. He wants you as you are! A real man will not ask you to change

  • your relilgion
  • your political affiliation
  • your friends
  • your weight
  • your hair

  ...and the list goes on and on. Do not settle for someone who wants you only if you change for him! You are worth more than that.
• 

  CuriousUK

  I'm running out of messages that I am allowed to post as a new user, but everything everyone is saying makes a lot of sense, and it is good to get confirmation about what I was feeling.

  I do love my JW man, and I think the way forward is to ask him if he will consider looking at it from my view point. What Magwitch says above is so true - and that applies for anyone, notwithstanding their religion. I would never dream of telling him to leave JW outright, but if I can sow the seed to get him to take the blinkers off at least, for his own benefit, to start asking questions of his beliefs, then it is the least I can do about someone I deeply care about
• 

  tornapart

  Curious.. I think it is a very good idea to get him to read Crisis of Conscience. I've been a JW from birth and am now in my 50's. It had an incredible and lasting effect on me. If he reads it I am fairly sure it will affect him. If he is unwilling to at least read it then maybe he is not worth it. If he does it could make all the difference.