Setback (page 2)

EdenOne

The return to the cult is like going back to a drug. - Morpheus

^^This!

My feelings exactly. Feels like I'm watching a loved one relapsing into alchool abuse, and I'm powerless to do anything.

Eden

OneEyedJoe

the look in her eyes when she looks at me as if I was the very impersonation of evil.

I know that one. And I'm still an active JW that's just missing meetings here and there. It really hurts to see someone that you love, and that you know loves you (on some level at least) look at you that way. I'm really sorry man. I can't imagine the difficulty of getting her out only to see her sucked back in. That's terrible.

If you're not going for a divorce, just remember there's a chance that she'll find her way out again. It's happened before so you know that there's something that can break her free. You'll get another opportunity, and then you can encourage her and help her to do the real work to come to the conclusion that it's a harmful cult.

In the mean time, have you talked to her about how she's treating you? It may be (probably is) unconscious and you might be able to make her realize, at the very least, that it's going to hurt your marriage. I know it's easy for me to just be angry without saying anything, but I recently called my wife on her silent treatment for every missed meeting and the last one I missed she seemed a little less cold towards me than usual. Not leaps and bounds, but it's something. Maybe you can at least get to the point where you have a reasonably happy marriage without the psychological torture.

Also, talking to her about the stuff that injures you might make her see that the cult is causing her to treat the person she loves the most so poorly. That's not the effect of being closer to god.

You're not alone in this by a long shot, and there are so many who've been able to find their way to a much better, healthier, happier situation from where you are now. Maybe your wife won't make it out, maybe your marriage won't last, but you will find your way out if you keep going. Even in the worst case scenario, you'll find yourself in a much better place in the not-too-distant future.

_Morpheus

You are powerless. I m not trying to depress you but its truth. You can only show someone the path. You cannot make them walk it. Accepting what is and your limitations in forcing her to see or do things as you do is critical to happines. You will only lead yourself and her to misery trying to make her see things as you do. Present the truth, keep your view on it but respect her ultimate right to choose.

Louise

Hey Eden - I'm truly sorry to hear that and I cannot imagine what you are going through, but WingCommander is right - suicide is not the way to go - remember our dear friend Oompa!!

What can I suggest? Perhaps the best thing is not to talk about the organisation at all. Don't bring it up, if it comes up, don't be bitter about it. Just try do little things with your wife again, buy flower, cook a meal, rub her feet - small things that will remind her how much you love her and how much she loves you.

EdenOne

I'm by no means giving consideration to a divorce, because I do love her and I know she loves me back. But I told her in no uncertain terms, that I won't tolerate any intromission from the congregation elders in my life or in our child's life, or in our household again; and if she ever becomes ( as it happened before ) a source of information to the elders regarding what I do or say, then to me it will be an act of betrayal that I won't be able to forgive and our marriage will be over. This was made crystal clear to her. I went through a lot of hurdles to not be disfellowshipped so I could remain in touch with family and friends and it was traumatic to me. She said it won't happen again, but given what the cult mentallity does to people, I'm not so sure I can trust her.

Eden

_Morpheus

You cant. My wife made the same promise and has broken it.

blondie

It will die off eventually. The "love" never lasts. She will be expected to buck and be happy.

Does she have any non-jw friends or do you. Maybe they can reach out and show that it is not jws that show "love."

LisaRose

This is very sad. Try not to take it personally, it's just shows the power of cult mind control. She obviously knows on some level you are right, but that is being overridden by fear: Fear of dying at Armageddon, fear of the elders, fear of loss of relationships. If I were you I would back away from trying to convince her of anything, it obviously will just makes her more determined.

Try just letting her be for now, but be very loving. She had her own issues with the religion before, perhaps if you back off her more natural personality will come back.

ToesUp

I agree with Blondie. It will die off eventually. We continued to associate with the JW's, giving them chance after chance. Different congregations, etc. The lack of love eventually shines through. The JW's will only go so far to help you. If you ask for physical help (anything where they may have to get off their a**) or hit them up for a couple of bucks, they will head for the hills. The only thing they will do is the JW head nod (act like they are listening and care) and tell you to trust/wait on Jehovah.

It may take some time but they WILL eventually let her down again. They just can't help themselves.

If you love her be kind and give it some time. In time...maybe she will see that you truly love her...unconditionally.

We are all here for you EdenOne.

Tazemanian-devil

Edenone,

I'm new to the board, but I have been a lurker. I created an account to say that you should fight for her.

I would recommend love bombing her yourself, so to speak. Be the social outlet she's looking for. Take her dancing. Establish a weekly date night. Be extremely awesome, and prove to her that you (and she by extension) can be a non-jw and still be a great person.

Find meetup groups and take her to do things with other normal people, that prove other people are normal and kind.

If you tell her you love her 10 times a day, double it. Leave her love notes. Turn off the tv and play cards, play a board game. Act like you're wooing her all over again.

Prove her wrong about you a thousand times over.

Setback

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