It has nothing to do with headship or cuckolding. Simply, she, like most sincere Witnesses, allows her indoctrination to dictate her priorities in life. It's a sad fact, but I don't need to read more into it than what it really is.
Eden
Setback
by EdenOne 91 Replies latest jw experiences
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out4good4
As was pointed out, some people just prefer the Watchtower religion and don't care if they are being manipulated and lied to, any more than black people as a group don't care that Obama has lied to them about his muslim, marxist and gay proclivities.
Oh jeez..........
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JimmyPage
You've admitted that you can't imagine doing more to be a better husband and yet she still takes you for granted. Which is why I gave the advice I did. The definition of insanity is to do the same things over and expect a different result. The time to love bomb her is when she does non-JW activities with you. Just prior to meeting time call her and tell her you're at her favorite restaurant and you have a romantic evening planned. Let her see that she has a choice between sitting like a bump on a log for two hours listening to tired nonsense or the time of her life with her husband. -
William Penwell
You know when your marriage breaks down because of the borgs interference, in the eyes of the dubs it will be all your fault. -
Alive!
Simply, she, like most sincere Witnesses, allows her indoctrination to dictate her priorities in life. It's a sad fact, but I don't need to read more into it than what it really is.
Eden
You know, when I was completely indoctrinated and marching to the tune, that is exactly how I would have lead my life. Gulp.
You and your wife obviously have love born out of twenty five years of life with each other - right now the more healthy and loving dynamics of your marriage are being contorted by the cult. Hold steady friend. May love have the last word (((( hugs))) -
dozy
A very sad yet interesting thread and best wishes to Eden.
I don't have much to add other than to say that we have all seen this before when someone "takes an interest in the truth" or returns in similar circumstances to your wife.
At the moment , she will be flavour of the month. A honeymoon period. Lots of kind words from the sisters at the KH - she will be welcomed with hugs , pats on the backs. Sympathetic words. There will be coffee visits during the week and social invitations. But this kind of love bombing doesn't last. It never does.
At the moment life in the "truth" seems palatable. Ministry will be a gentle afternoon going around a sister's route calls or maybe joining in on a bible study. She probably won't even be expected to say a word. But soon she'll be expected to go out on first call. Crappy , hostile and apathetic householders and lots of not homes on a cold , wet or hot day. Turning up at a meeting for field service and finding nobody that she wants to work with. Going to the KH on a nice Sunday morning on a summers day when you have offered to take her away for the day or for the weekend. Or being really tired one evening and having to go to the KH while you chill out with a beer & nibbles with the family in front of the TV watching a movie or show that she likes. As social clubs go , life as a JW isn't particularly fun. The sheer drudgery , boredom , constant repetition and demands to do more & more for the Org and sheer pointlessness of the routine gets to all of us eventually.
I haven't read your full story but my circumstances sound broadly similar. We were JWs since birth - married 20 years - pioneered together etc etc and I was an elder. I came out after much research discovering it was essentially just a cult / business masquerading as a religion. My wife left because of a lack of love in the congregation. We had a brilliant marriage but It does put it under tremendous pressure because the main thing you have in common is the shared routine , many years of history, an element of status and position in the congregation and shared friends & family - in an instant that all blows up and you are left alone , wondering where to go. My wife described it like all of her friends & family had suddenly been wiped out in a plane crash.
She had the same approaches from well meaning sisters that your wife had and at one point she might have gone back. She went to a few meetings and a district convention , but the fundamental toxicity and issues remained and she eventually realised that she would be "like a dog going back to the vomit". One meeting after a particularly obnoxious local needs item and an interchange with a rather rude elder she came home and said she wouldn't be going back again. She texted the sister who was nuturing her and cancelled her recovery study. Other than an occasional funeral she has never been back to the KH again.
There will come a point , perhaps in a few months , when things will not be so rosy for her in the congregation. All I can add is you have our best wishes and wish you all the best.
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ToesUp
dozy...your post is exactly/dead on correct. Great post. -
quest81
Two things hurt the most: the look in her eyes when she looks at me as if I was the very impersonation of evil. Also, the fact that she chooses as friends the very same people that ignore me because I'm inactive. That tells me a lot where our marriage is on her list of priorities.
I know exactly what you mean, I have seen that look. I also feel the same way about how our marriage got relegated and 'theocratic & spiritual' things took precedence. I know how hard it is to express the kind of pain that this brings to those who see the flaw and live in it. All I can say is I know how you feel because I have lived through it too.
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ABibleStudent
Hi EdenOne, i'm sorry that your wife has returned to the WTBTS's "vomit" (Proverbs 26:11).
What hobbies/interests does your wife's authentic persona love to do that is time-consuming and will help her meet more non-JWs. Unless you help her to enjoy life and learn to overcome thought-stopping platitudes, she may prefer not to critically think for herself just like Cypher did in the Matrix. Has your wife watched the Matrix?
Peace be with you and everyone, who you love,
Robert
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EdenOne
dozy, great post, thank you! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote there.
Eden