Should I just DA or get DFD? (page 3)

DesirousOfChange

Designer Stubble: The DFing or DAing issue is about playing by their rules.

Honesty: Don't play their DA game either.

sspo: Why don't you just walk away and not DA or DF

Do you see a pattern here? You don't want to be involved with JWs anymore, then just quit. ONLY JWs say you have to DA or be DFd. Why conform to their rules any longer?

They say you have to go in FService. You quit.

They say you have to go to meetings. You quit.

They say you have to DA or face a JC. Why would you do what they tell you to do?

Doc

BluesBrother

Since you know Hamlet;

"To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? "

Yes, should we suffer the slings and arrows of criticism, or beat them to the punch and d/a ourselves??? That is the question.

In practice , you are the only one who can answer that. As others have said, it makes no difference to our reputation , the cong. will not

know whether you did one thing or the other, the announcement is the same.

I am "inactive" too. If they come gunning for me I am resolved to waste as much of their time as I possibly can at J C meetings and appeals .

 I see no advantage in lying down and giving them an easy ride...and like you, I hope that family would see how unjust it all is. If I give up then I

would be the one that has walked away. But it is up to you. Whatever you do , it will be better when it is over.

Phizzy

Dear Julia, your decision on how to handle leaving the JW/WT cult must be based on how you want your life to turn out.

Because I have many family members in, I did not want to be DF'd or DA'd. So, as DOC says above, I simply quit.

In the early days I got the odd knock on the door to "encourage" me, and I eventually got the two Elder visit, which I handled with advice from JWN.

All approaches to me since I have simply fended off one way or the other, eventually I told them I do not want to be called on or contacted by anyone, if they felt it was vital to do so, to do so in writing.

I have heard nothing since.

I like being simply an "Inactive Non-attender" in their view. I can talk to my relatives or any JW's I meet if I wish, and the Elders etc leave me alone.

The choice is threefold, not twofold, get DF'd or DA'd, (=play by their rules and flatter their opinion of themselves), or play by your rules and end up free, yet without a derogatory label.

Good Luck !

finally awake

I had been inactive in field service for several years, but regularly attended meetings. In my own mind, I was a true believer with performance issues. From the outside I probably looked like a fader though. After that last disasterous "shepherding call", I never set foot in a kingdom hall again and I stopped answering the phone if anyone from the hall called. Just Ron engaged the local elders in a few conversations, and I kind of think that played into the "mentally diseased apostate" label. For myself, I'd rather just walk away and refuse to engage. It seems to me that I'm going to get trashed no matter what I do, and it seems to bother them more being unable to pin me down and make me answer questions.

Auntfancy

Why play their game? Live your life and enjoy your new found freedom! I struggled with DA myself too but in the end I would be playing their sick game. I personally made the decision to not answer the door or phone and am on my way to building new friends. I decided that if they called me for a meeting I would not attend and at that point I would write a DA letter because it is going to be on my terms not theirs. I deleted all JW's from my FB except two and one I may do very soon. The other one is an emotional wreck and I am only leaving her because I may be able to help her out other wise I would delete her too. There are very few ex-JW's that can hold on to former "friends" in the hall.

Julia, I had terrible health problems and some of them still exist but I realized that a lot of it was caused by the cult and I made the deicsion that my health was far more important than hanging on to people that were toxic for the most part. Yes I miss a few of them but it gets less and less as time goes on. Take care of your mental health because it can cause your physical health to suffer greatly. They are not worth it!

We have been out for almost a year and when we started this journey both of made the decision to not rush into anything. Because we did this we have not regreted anything so far. I think you will find the same thing if you sleep on it and don't make any rash decisions. They may leave you alone and you can go on your merry way.

I also like Punks advice, live your life as if they didn't exist and that is what I am trying to do. We get some knocks on the door but we look out and if it is a JW we don't even answer. I have had one call from an elder around the memorial and I ignored the phone. I am only doing what they have done to us and it is on my terms not theirs!

At first I worried about what everyone would think but now I could care less. I think you will get to the same point real soon. You will want them out of your life because you have very little in common with them now. I don't want to listen to the recap of meetings and conventions because that is all a lot of them talk about. I am not going to let anyone try to make me feel guilty which is one of their tatics.

You are like me and have no family in, so for me that has been wonderful. My relationship has improved now that I am away from it and that is one thing I have worked on since leaving. I lost a lot of time with my family because of the cults stupid control.

Hang in there and it will get so much better.

Glander

Would you rather be fired like a bad employee or quit and walk out with your head held high?

Quendi

It seems to me, Julia, that you have already decided to leave this cult. So why should it matter to you how you are perceived by its members? Leave on your own terms and live your life to the full. As George Eliot wrote: “It is never too late to be what you might have been.”

Quendi

Gojira_101

No matter if you are DF, write a DA or just fade, it will be the same reaction by the JW's. They will deliberately cross to the other side of the street to avoid you. They will turn their head and look the other way as if you aren't even there when you meet in the food market.

If there is a chance to help your husband to see how they treat their own members...let them DF you. You have already said your husband was shocked by how they treated you at this recent visit, so if you end up being DF'd this will show him how heartless and cruel they really are. He might be able to see their true colors.

I'm here for ya sis :)

Gojira

wizzstick

As a new poster I don't feel I can add much to what others have said.

But on balance, I would stop all meetings and ministry stuff. If they call just say sorry, I'm still very depressed from my last visit. Say goodbye and hang up.

If they visit same thing. Close the door.

Keep doing that every time they call.

Quite quickly they'll stop as they will consider it a waste of time. But time is your friend. People will forget. People will move on. Those real friends will make contact and say sorry. If that happens talk to them on the proviso of not taking about religion. Say the same to your husbands family. Firmly. But if they then bring up religion ask them to leave.

It will make you feel strong, it will make them know where you stand. But also they won't be able to say you have talked negatively about the Truth.

Win, win.

Sapphy

Hi Julia, do what makes you feel better.

If you want to DA, do it. Just be aware that the announcement for DAing and DFing is the same, so no-one will know of your stand but the elders. If it's important to you to leave the door open for friends who might want to talk to you in time to come, then just walk away.

You don't have to make their admin easy for them.

I do hope you find peace of mind whatever you decide to do.

Should I just DA or get DFD?

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