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Should I just DA or get DFD?
by Julia Orwell 62 Replies latest jw friends
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Coffee House Girl
I am going to weigh in with my personal experience too, just avoid and ignore (shun) them. I know it seems that they are at your heels right now and you want to be left alone, but if you take the initiative to shun them and do not answer the phone or the door when elders call, trust me...they will eventually quit- some other "problem" in the congregation will come up that needs "judicial action", the elders will have someone else to bother. Plus I think the elder body as a whole has a form of ADD, another "shiny" object comes along to distract them and they forget all about you.
For the first year I was out, I got the most pressure from friends and elders when it was time for the CO visit...that is when the CO would go through the files and find out who is inactive and put a bug in the elder's bonnet to "encourage" me...but shortly after the time of the CO visit the elders would go back to dealing with the host of other problem children in the congregation and forget all about me again. Now I moved to another territory and all my "friends" in the hall have long forgotten about me...they moved on to other "shiny" objects and made new "friends", they dont call me and I dont initiate contact with them.
I know you have friends that you have known your whole life and you feel an obligation to them...but sometimes you just have to let them go. You can still love them and wish the best for them (wish that they would get out of the cult too), but they have to make their own life decisions....if it stresses you out too much to keep in contact with a "conditional friendship" that just let it go.
I'm sorry you are going through this, I remember how stressed out I would get too (I also bit my fingernails)...but trust me it will pass in time.
CHG
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earthfire
Let them do what they need to do. Their opinions of you are not based on reality because extreme JW's truly live in an alternate reality. That's why they cannot be logically reasoned with. Critical thinking has been taken from them, even from our friends and loved ones. It's hard, it's sad and out of all the difficulties in my lifetime, dealing with the fact that I have loved ones in the religion is the most difficult. Hands down. But you have to protect yourself. You are still traumatized and being in close proximity to the JW's is going to trigger your mind and body. What I'd suggest is that when they ask for you to come to a judicial committee, don't do it. Just refuse. Awesome story that my sister did last year; so the elders wanted her to come in and she ignored them. Then they actually went to her work (which was an hour away) and they handed her papers demanding that she come to the KH to see them on the next Sunday. Sunday morning the phone starts ringin at 9am and keeps ringing every 5 minutes. So my sister is totally stressed and she talks to her cop friend. He reads the paperwork that the elders had given her and is shocked because it's basically a summons and looks legal. It of course is not, we have to remind ourselves of that. Anyway, the cop friend says that he can make them stop if she wants him to, she does. So he goes to the KH and meets with the elders and tells them that the congregation will be slapped with a restraining order if they don't leave my sister alone! What I would have given to have seen the looks on their faces! LOL So, now when a particular elders wife sees my sister she busts out crying. Last time we saw her she's blaming my sister, "this is all your fault!"
They have no power over us unless we give it to them. It's up to us, and that is what drives them crazy. Lots of love to you Julia, it'll get better.
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Julia Orwell
Oh wow, Earthfire! That's an amazing story. My brother is a cop- I never thought of talking to him about all this! Good to know.
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mind blown
I wish I could turn back the clock.......I would have DA instead of being inactive only later to be DF'd.
DA.....at least you'll go out on your terms not theirs
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Julia Orwell
It's so confusing. They'll probably get me in the end unless I move, which I plan to do next year if we can afford it.
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jgnat
I've got a wicked sense of humor and it does me good to see elders running around trying to tie off loose ends, throwing their authority around, when they have nothing. Nothing to offer. All they are trying to do is finish some paperwork and get the CO and zealous relatives off their backs. Let them stew. Let them run. Get on with your life.
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darth frosty
NIETHER!!!
I started to tell you this before they came in your 1st post but I was trying to be nice. No time for niceties so I tell you what I tell EVERYONE to say when they are faced with this situation...Tell em to Kiss yo black ass!!!
Four words nice and to the point. Anything else you are playing into their hands and justifying their AUTHORITY over you. Take control of your life be the guiding force in your life and if they try to subject you to their bullshit trumped up rules you tell-em to KISS YO BLACK ASS!
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darth frosty
And just in case it hasn't been pointed out THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN DA OR DF'd?!? The punishment and repercussions for both is the exact same thing!
Stop giving these assholes authority over you playing by their F'd up rules.
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Julia Orwell
My ass is lily white!