No one would be able to convince you that he did not exist after that.
This ABSOLUTE conviction in something that admittidly went on in your head and your feelings is a little scary.
The whole JW situation came from those ***holes in Brooklyn taking advantage of peoples 'faith' or 'hope' to believe in certain things. Perhaps deluded themselves, but regardless, the Brooklyn boys encouraged this 'blind faith' - resulting in JW's that regardless of the evidence, regardless of anything they may see or hear about Watchtower's lies, regardless of their own doubts they WILL GO DOWN WITH THE SHIP. They will weather any storm and eventually die thinking that armageddon is just around the corner etc etc.
I think most ex-JW's would know at least one JW like this - the Watchtower doctrine is so much a part of their brain that the Watchtower society could completely self destruct and these diehards will ignore it completely and stick with what they are totally convinced is true.
The point of mentioning that is - you say that this time you've cracked it! This time you are REALLY convinced. This time you KNOW. Nothing could possibly convince you otherwise. No room for doubt.
Do you see what I'm getting at here? You can replace the JW experience with a Muslims experience, with a Budhists experience, with any number of persons experience that do not even have anything to do with a particular religion.
It's easy to say, "well they were just deluded, they are just misled - they are listening to Jesus but not KNOWING Jesus."
You are claiming faith. ABSOLUTE conviction. Unshakable. Anything me or others have to say could not possibly shake your faith. Any evidence could not possibly shake your faith about Jesus.
Can you see the similarities in this conviction with convictions such as the JW's or lets say that woman in the US who drowned her children in the bathtub because 'Jesus told her to'. You've attempted to explain the distinction, but could you have another attempt at how you see the distinction there?
Hope I'm not coming across as aggressive - I'm asking these things to challenge my own beliefs also, not just to try and prove a point.
On a side note:
You are willing and fairly good at explaining your reasoning (though I don't agree with it) - I wonder if you would mind giving me some feedback in the near future on a project/article I'm working on regarding trying to teach people critical thinking ability? I'd appreciate a firm believers feedback, suggestions on it - and you seem very articulate, engaging and definately a firm believer.