For the past few months to a year I have been following the advice I got from some of the fine individuals here on how to begin my fade and exit from the WT, hopefully with my family in tow. I am a MS as many of you may know and I have been trying to devise plans on how to step down without arousing unwanted attention from anyone. I began a planned incompetence. I have been missing more meetings, nothing dramatic, but more and more over time. Also I have cut appearing for the FS group to around 1-2 times a month on average. I miss the meetings when I have a talk on the service meeting for two reasons. Number 1, I wanted to appear unreliable, and number 2, I couldnt stomach giving some of them. I have not been fulfulling my assignment as literatrash servant well, and they took me off of that and put me on sound and stage, but I come 5 minutes late alost every meeting I go too and other people have had to fill in.
When I was questioned about this by the COBE a couple months ago I just tell them how it is such a struggle in this system just to make it to the KH, raise a family, and balance everything. I also threw in how sometimes my mental and emotional balance is unsteady. He said he could tell much of the time he sees me it seems like the day was a huge struggle for me and I look overwhelmed. In reality the look I have and negative body language is due to my being miserable coming to the KH knowing TTATT. Either way it had the desired effect.
This is the week of the CO visit and we had the Tuesday night School and Service Mtg, followed by the C.O. puke worthy talk "Aquiring an obedient heart; Is it possible?". During the Meeting the COBE came to me and asked if I had a couple of minutes after the meeting to meet with him and one other elder. During the meeting in the back room, the COBE said they were checking to see my progress and how I was feeling. I said how life is a struggle etc trying to balance everything, finances, family, new baby on the way and cong responsibilities. Then he asked how I thought I was doing with my responsibilities. I responded "Fair. Could be better, could be worse" They nodded. Then came the shoe dropping. He said that the elder body feels it might be best for me and my family if I "take a break" from being a MS to focus on my family. I just nodded and listened, trying not to look to obviously pleased. They said it would be better for me if I stepped aside, than if they were forced to "suggest my deletion". I said that I would "have no objection to that" they said how they feel they feel this would "take a weight off of my shoulders". They said how much they still appreciate me and my family and how "they dont think any less of me, they actually think more of me because I had a "humble" attitude".
I feel the most important step of my fade has been accomplished. My min worry in the car ride home was how I would tell my wife. I know very often JW women live their JW lives vicariously through their husbands, so I was sesitive to how she would feel. I just told her what happened, but she did not agree with what the elders said as she feels that I do well enough and disagrees that I should step down. She told me how she feels like if I am not a MS, she will just "be another body" sitting there with nothing to do and no spiritual goals. I then told her how I wanted to focus on her and our children, and how I feel overwhelmed by all I have to juggle and how I feel a great weight has been lifted off of me. After I said this she relented and told me how she still loves and supports me and told me that she is happy if I feel more relieved. Overall she took it well I think.
The elders told me that they would tell the CO that I was stepping aside at the elders meeting on Friday, and not be suprised if he wants to talk to me to "see how I am doing" and that it will probably be announced next week.
I am so happy this has happened and I do feel such a relief sitting here as I type this. I feel that now I will be able to focus more so on waking my wife up without having trying to get out of serving being on my mind.
The SAGA of my exit continues.......................