Elders' Gems of Wisdom (page 2)

LDH

OZZIE,

I just about choked on my strawberry when I read your post. Good one.

Lisa

LDH

OZZIE,

I just about choked on my strawberry when I read your post. Good one.

Lisa

PS, moxy that was hysterical! When we were studying the family life book YEARS ago, there was a MS who was in his late 60s and obviously uncomfortable with reading the chapter on "sexual reproduction."

I don't think he said one word right. 'Vulva' was 'Volvo', 'Penis' was 'Pee-nicks' and so on. of course, we were in conniption fits.

stephenw20

A few months back when my wife was getting NERVOUS of me reading the bible and laughing(with liberation) as I did each night.......she had to call "the brothers"

she told them I had questions....of which by that time, ihad none they could answer. Specifically I was asking about the bodys which came out of the graves when Jesus died....they looked real hard and came up with the centurion guard as those who the ones coming out of the grave and going into the city...ok what ever....... they never even mentioned the word RESURRECTED which is written there, it says the bodys rose when he was ressurected.......

but they thanked me said it was a good question....oh yippee

but this was the best part........one elder said ..ya know the society is not going to just go way out on a limb with its teachings......he said "if they told me to get up on my roof at 2AM , I would have to say thats enough"(he is the PO).... guess the molestation thing is not enough........guess the free literature isnt enough....guess the parking at district asemblies isnt enough...

so be on the look out for the command for the roof so I can let him know.......

S

ICHING

.

BadAssociate

RizzyBaby

ok i'm sidetracking here - not sure if this is even amusing:

me and this young bro - jamie - (guy who i also lived with - were in
our early twenties single) are at the meeting

it's closing prayer time

the bro gets called to the platform to give the closing prayer - brother ray - hearing who was asked to give prayer - a distinct disgruntled murmer goes through the audience -

bro ray is old - blind in one eye and can't see out the other - he lived near me and jamie - sometimes bro ray gave jamie and i lifts to the meetings because we didnt have a car - this was always a real freak out - we only ever got a lift to the meeting with bro ray as a last resort -

(we were living in the country and it was a long way to the hall)

- as he had the rather disconcerting habit of driving down the wrong side of the road into the headlights of oncoming semi trailers at night - only to swerve and miss them at the last moment - due to his radar vision -

so bro ray gets called to the platform - the crowd murmurs - they know they're in for the long haul

bro ray was one of those bro's - his prayer - let me put it this way - anyone who had heard bro ray give closing prayer two times or more - could give bro ray's prayer for him - because once you'd heard it a couple of times - you understood his structure - which was kind of symphonic - (think wagner) - in four movements

the first movement

bro ray would thank jehovah for each individual item within the universe - the formula for this went like:

thank you jehovah for ...........(insert individual item within universe)

because ................(insert how individual item is an expression of gods love in 1000 words or more)

then he'd move onto the next chosen individual item within the universe he wished to thank jehovah for and repeat until he had thanked jehovah for each individual item within the universe

the second movement

bro ray would repeat the entire two hour meeting you just sat through word for word - to thank jehovah for the wonderful truths we'd just learnt - including what was said not only in the main hall but also what was said in the second and third schools - requoting every scripture quoted and unquoted - not forgetting to include the comments from the audience - including those of the audience in both the second and third schools -

the third movement

bro ray would go through the entire hierachy of the watchtower organisation - starting from bro hinchle(? cant remember - WT president anyway) right down to the pups of the dog that belongs to the sister in the wheelchair that could never get to the meeting
thanking jehovah for blessing us with them - whilst at the same time giving us the 25 volume condensed version of that individuals biography

then there would be a slight reprise of movement one with a couple of extra galaxies thrown in - just in case there was something bro ray had forgotten to thank jehovah for

so bro ray steps up to the mike - the audience bows it's collective heads and checks it's collective wristwatches

a hush falls over the hall

just about to shut eyes

bro ray begins to speak - " thank you jehovah for " -

then jamie looks at me and says:

"i hope you brought your sleeping bag with you"

did we burst out laughing

BADASSOCIATE

riz

badass,

I assure you, that was more than amusing. I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard. I could picture the rides to meeting with bro. ray. LOL. White knuckled adventures, indeed. I hope the spiritual food that you and Jamie received at the meetings those nights was worth the years those rides took off of your lifespans. And I remember those prayers at meetings too. Those certain elders who had to mention and give thanks for even the fleas on their dogs, because jehovah created the fleas too, so they must be fulfilling a purpose. Oh, that post took me back. Thank you for once again making me laugh my arse off.

rolled up my sleeping bag long ago,
riz

BadAssociate

rizzo -

BAD ASSOCIATE

Simon

Hey BadAssosciate... I remember prayers like that when everyone ended up leaning on the chair in front of them...

nicolaou

Bad Ass'
I wept, I truly, truly wept!

Ok this isn't in the same league but it is also a true story.

About a year ago we had a visiting speaker. Early thirties, I'd guess 3rd maybe even 4th generation society clone.
He was giving the talk 'Science or the Bible - Which can you Trust?'

He was one of those wide-eyed, 'isn't it wonderful how we are so blessed with understanding' type of brothers.

So he reaches the thorny issue of the dinosaurs. Gives the usual lines of reasoning, totally ignoring anything that would contradict his outline.
But then, for one brief shining moment, there was a glimmer of a free, independant thought surfacing from the depths of his finely tuned society mind. You have to pity the fellow, you see he was SO sincere. He SO wanted you to believe.

He looked up from his notes and this is more or less word for word what he said;

"You know, most scientists say that the dinosaurs died out millions of years ago but as Christians we look to the Bible for a reliable account of what really happened. It is obvious. The dinosaurs all perished in the flood of Noah's day of course!"

And then he moved on with barely a flicker of a response from the audience. I couldn't believe it!
I have actually given several public talks, including that one, and I know for a fact that even the Society would never put such a claim into print.

I approached the brother after the meeting, told him how much I enjoyed his talk [shame on me], and asked him where he got his references for the extinction of the dinosaurs by the flood?
All he could say was that he remembered reading it in one of the magazines - yeah right!

I couldn't get this out of my head. A couple of weeks later I was having a couple of pints at my local with my brother in law who is one of those rare breeds of elder - a decent man who manages to think for himself.

I brought up this Public Talk and the comments that the speaker had made.
This was my brother in law's straight response;

"But the dinosaurs DID die out in the flood!"

I give up.
Nic'

. http://communities.msn.co.uk/altJehovahsWitnesses

Englishman

"But the dinosaurs DID die out in the flood!"

Nicolaou,

Yes, that`s correct, that statement is standard JW issue.

Englishman.

Elders' Gems of Wisdom

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