by stephenw20 104 Replies latest jw friends
I was at a D.C. one summer when "Bros Ray"
was giving the prayer before lunch break.
After 15 minutes my 4 year old looked up at
me and said "boy i bet they have a lot of
cold food at their house". 20 years ago and
I still chuckle.
cheers and keep the humor flowing
Parque Diem? Shouldn't that be "butter the day" not "seize the butter?"
Thanks riz for the post: I needed those laughs.
I'd like to add a story my dad and others in the cong. remember from when they used to have a 10 minute intermission after the public talk on Sundays.
The brother dismissed the congregation by saying "And we'll return for the Watchtower study after a brief 10 minute intercourse". He left the platform not realizing what he said. You can be sure he was told about it though.
Had Enough
yes xan.....carpe being the seize bit and diem being the day bit...but somehow it just comes out funnier the other way
Eyes
Had Enough,
There's a new idea to keep meeting attendance up. Breaks for intercourse. LOL. Hey, you have to have something to look forward to on meeting days.
riz
A mistake I made reading the Revelation Book for the bookstudy (I was 14):
"And then will come the great breasts of Babylon ..." *beasts*
Mistakes my future father in law made as an elder:
"Jesus died an ignoramus's death ..." *ignominious*
"And then we will see the great thongs of Jehovah's congregation ..." *throngs*
Dedalus
Ohh man those were great. I’m sure we could all go on all day with JW stories. One of my personal Fav’s was a service story actually!
There were five of us sisters in a car group, my mother, aunt, friend, fellow pioneer, and myself. The pioneer sister, had a sister in another hall that had asked us to stop by this funeral home to visit the relatives of an older sister who had just died. This older sister had just moved to the area, and the family was from out of town, and she thought it would be nice for us to visit. Well, we were of course overjoyed for a break in the service monotony!
We go to the funeral parlor, with only the name of the deceased. We told the girl why we were there, well she was a bit dingy and takes us into this room. We walk in expecting to see a waiting room, with the family. Well it was the room with the dead sister. Had only ever seen one dead body, and was not prepared that day for seeing another one. The deceased sister was a 96 year old black woman in a beautiful suit. I was freaked out to say the least. My mom was looking at her and said, “she looks really good for being 96’, to which I responded, “she looks pretty good for BEING DEAD!”.
Well there we are in the room, the other sister signs the guest book, but we don’t know what to do. Do we stay do we leave, was the girl getting the family, what to do. Well we are your typical bunch of sisters, when we’re in an awkward situation what do we do, We get the giggles, really bad. We started laughing so bad because it was such an odd situation. Well at this point the girl comes back in and is rather distraught (we’re biting our lips to keep our composure). She said, “UM are you, I mean um, only fa..are you family, because only families supposed to be here?” Well let me tell you that was truly on of the greatest acts of self control I have ever exhibited. I was crying at this point trying to keep the laughing under wraps, so of course we looked like a very grieving group. We all just filed out, got in the car, and then we lost it, we laughed hysterically for 10 min at least, we were all crying. I mean it was bad enough then she asks the five of us (all white) if we’re family. Ohhh, we laughed about that for weeks.
Then a few months later, we’re having a meeting part, that’s supposed to be a family, well they didn’t have any kids, so they adopted my friends boyfriend for the part. The couple was black, her boyfriend white. Anyway part way through she turns to me and says it reminds her of the funeral home. I lost it, in the back row of the hall. Mom wants to know what was so funny, but every time I start to tell her I lose it, I’m shaking so bad at this point. Finally I manage to write it on my KM for mom. Well then she loses it too. Pretty soon the 3 of us are in hysterics and shaking the entire row, Dad’s just looking at us and rolling his eyes. Well you know what happens when you try to hold in hysterical laughter for to long, yep your right I started snorting, and you can’t stop it, so finally we all three had to get up and go to the bathroom for the remainder of the meeting! By the time we left the entire back section of the hall was cracking up and of course my friend on the stage was wondering what he’d done or what was so funny.
Ohh, I cannot count the times I had to leave because I was laughing to hard, we laughed every meeting. There were about 5-10 of us at the hall that would look around and catch each others eyes whenever anything funny was said. We did have some great meetings.
Ok here's a few more, I told you I could go on all day!
I remember a funny story about my grandpa, he was a hoot. There are a ton of stories about him (like the time he accidentally burnt the KH down)
Well, gramps was the School Overseer at the time, and it was Written Review night. For some reason though they had not received the answer sheet. So Grandpa grabbed this other Elder (one of those who thinks he knows everything types) and they go in the back room, and decide they’ll just make up their own, and go with that. They had trouble with a few but decided on an answer for it. Well right before gramps goes up on the stage, a brother from another hall drives over and gives him a real answer sheet. Well, Gramps refrains from telling the other brother this. So he goes up and starts doing the answers, he comes across one they had wrong, so who do you think he calls on. OHH ya, the brother who had helped him. Well after a few times of getting them the wrong the brother is very upset and flustered and said, “Ray we agreed on this.” At which point gramps holds up the sheet and says, “I’ve got the answer sheet”. Well as you can imagine they whole cong. just lost it.
My Grama was even worse though, she was going to give a talk one night and somehow hadn’t managed to get a householder, so she did both parts hahahhahahahahaah!!! Yes it’s true, she tries to deny it now a days but there were too many witnesses.
I guess there’s no hope for me!
Venice
I remember a few. One brother giving the prayer asked Jehovah to forgive us our "falling shorts". Obviously meant our "shortcomings" or "where we fall short" and somehow combined the two ideas.
Another elderly brother, when I was about 14, was giving a talk on immorality, and got very descriptive about fornication, calling it "that very thing" over and over. At one point, he said, "all you could see was butts and elbows as they did that very thing." From that day on, every time he used that expression, "that very thing", which he used for all sorts of things, all any of my friends and I could think of, was the butts and elbows story. We were breaking up the back row, let me tell you.
My husband was the stage overseer at Circuit assemblies, and I had the #3 talk on it this one time, so we were back stage waiting to go on. One of the older elders (about 70 and just a hard nosed man, but sweet) from our KH had the instruction talk on Babylon the Great. He was making a comparison of the way we remember things by what they are known for. So, he says "Babe Ruth is known for hitting home runs, Paris is known for the Leaning Tower of Eiffel". In the back, we were laughing so hard (about six of us) that someone had to come quiet us. One brother actually was on the floor holding his stomach, and laughing convulsively almost.
Another time, the same Leaning Tower of Eiffel brother, giving a talk at the KH, talking about the Alpha and the Omega, said "the Alpha and the Amigo." Also mundane was "mondoon". He was priceless.
Once as he was teaching a young fellow how to drive, this same elder ran over a cat and killed it. The boy says, "Ray you just ran over the neighbor's cat." His response "plenty more where that came from."
There are probably more. Stay tuned.
My husband remembered a few too.
While my husband was the school overseer, one elder was giving a talk on properly prounouncing words. He said, instead of pro-nun-ciation, he said pro-noun-ciation. That was hard for him to listen to, as he knew he had to counsel him on it, as during the talk he pronounced the key word in the talk no less than 50 times. Remember the subject of the talk was correct pronunciation.
My husband's father, who was known for brutalizing the English language in pronunciation, gave a talk on the 4 Greek words for Love. That was really funny.........I still remember how he said those words.
Later, another brother was the School Overseer, and gave a talk on using the Kingdom Hall library, and pronounced it over and over and over as LI-BERRY. My husband still cringes when he thinks of that talk. It was really uncomfortable.
Of course we all remember the words in the WT study, HYPERBOLE, pronounced HYPER-BOLE, instead of HI-PER-BO-LEE. It seems like there are more of those, buy I can't remember more. Maybe others will.
