Elders' Gems of Wisdom (page 6)

happytobefree

Farkel,

All I can say about your story is, "Oh Shit, that is funny as hell.

Happy to be Free (Me)

Prisca

My neighbours are wondering why I'm laughing so hard... Thanks for the laughs, everyone!

LDH

Our old CO who, during the first meeting of his visit, always took a harsh attitude whilst the cong. waited with baited breath to hear his words of 'wisdom.'

"The elders are having a tremendous amount of SEX...er, success....with the ...er..." I don't remember the rest of the comment cuz I was in the back laughing.

A group of us young pioneers were out in the country when some announced they had to use the bathroom. Well since we were near the one young brother's home, we just went there. They only had one bathroom so all the sisters ran inside to go (I didn't have to). The young brothers say, "Let's go look at the mule." and I decide looking at a mule is better than waiting in the car. So I follow them over to the corral and lean over it with them. They start yelling and screaming "Get out of here! OMIGAWD". Unbeknownst to me, "looking at the mule" was code for 'let's go piss by the corral.'

Winter field service in NY is very hard on your boots. One young brother had on the only boots he could really afford, cowboy boots that were beat to hell. Well after mushing through the snow, we got back on the semi-clean sidewalk and he 'STOMPS' his feet to knock the snow off. One of his heels came right off and he was walking on three protruding nails. We about peed ourselves.

digderidoo

Here's a couple-

One elder giving a public talk was getting excited about Moses and the Israelites being pursued by Pharoah and the Eygyptians...going into every intricate detail of the chase, his voice started to raise, he went on '...and Moses parted the Red Sea...they ran through....Pharoah gave chase...When the Egyptians were in the middle...The sea colapsed and killed the whole bloody lot of them!'...the cong were in hysterics!

Another one...

I was doing mikes during a watchtower service, my younger brother decided to give an answer ... so, i took the mike over to him, held the mike in front of him and when he started to speak i began to twist the end of the mike with my one hand... one way then the other...the end of the mike was moving up and down in front of his face!...he began to laugh and struggled to give his answer...

Amazing

We had two Sisters with the same last name of Payne. They often sat together since they were also related. One Sunday, one Sister Payne sat upfront, and the other sat in the back. Our Watchtower Conductor, Leo, was a stickler for no-nonsense. He did not like humor at the meetings, because he felt that it was degrading to the seriousness of the spiritual ocassion. During the Watchtower Study, both Sisters Payne raised their hands. He was trying to differentiate between them, and decided to call on Sister Payne, in the rear. Needless to say, the whole congregation broke out in hysterics because of the tension he created. He finally blushed, and laughed. - Amazing

outnfree

Not an "elder gem", but funny nonetheless:

You know how the WTS tells parents to teach their children the correct anatomical names for ALL body parts? This advice is often in articles about "Protecting Your Children" so that if there is ever "improper touching", there will be no doubt as to what happened. (Training for those lascivious judicial committee meetings for loose conduct when the tykes grow up?) So naturally, I did as advised with my young ones.

Well, I'm at a convention with my children and go to the restroom to change my son's dirty diaper. Next to me are a couple of very young sisters, doing the same with their infants. My oldest says, very loudly, "Mom, that's xxx's PENIS, right?" The young sisters' mouths drop wide open, and I am trying very hard not to burst out laughing at their obvious shock. Which my daughter notices. As I quickly finish up, and move to get in line to the stalls, I overhear the one sister say to the other in a very shocked tone, "Did you HEAR what that little girl SAID?"
I was too hysterical to remind the sister (perhaps new in the truth?) that I was just following the Society's directions...

unanswered

i was gone this weekend, and i had the pleasure of comung back to all the hilarious stories on this thread. i thought i'd add a couple more even though they aren't about elders because these stories about kids reminded me of them. when i was a kid they used to let really young kids run the microphones at our hall, i had this "priviledge" even though i was only about 8 years old, and so did most of my buddies. it happened to be my first talk on the main stage and my family was feeling quite proud-i was about to ruin that. my buddy was taking the mic back to the rear of the hall, walking past me-i don't know what possessed me, but i was sitting at the end of the isle and i put my foot down on the mic. cord that was dragging behind my friend. so there my friend is, in the back of the hall, yanking on the cord, and there i am holding my foot on it, and we are having a tug o' war match in the middle of the meeting. finally, my father realizes what's going on and gives me a look that has the threat of death. after the meeting there was a good number of people that my dad took me to, to apologize, and, needless to say, we didn't celebrate my first talk in the front that night.

a few weeks later i was hanging on the contribution box in the back and accidentally ripped it right out of the drywall. i guess i knew it was b.s. at an early age:) the k.h. and i have never really gotten along that well:)-nate

VeniceIT

OHHH the mics. My uncle was on the worst, but the other brother were bad too. They would pull on the cord while you were commenting to make you lose your thought. Happend to me a lot so I'd just grab the cord with my other hand. Once time you could hear my voice stringing as I was pulling with all my might! Then sometimes they'd hand mom hte mic in front and then walk around and take it from the back, so yes the cord was around my neck. We used to really goof off during the meetings. I used to put my foot on the cord if they'd ben messing with me and the mic that night. Or they loved to pull the cord up as your waling to the bathroom, so you have try to step over it real quick, no one else in the hall of course has a clue what your doing and or why your glaring at the poor mic handler and hopping. OHHH well I guess there were a few good memories.

I remember one elder was giving a talk and the podeium fell and he yelled out, "Polterguist". We about died!!!

Venice

riz

venice,

rotflmao. he shouted 'poltergiest.' oh god that is classic. how come i never saw anyone fall?

feeling cheated,
riz

tergiversator

I remember once, when I was little, there was a Watchtower study about the importance of brothers who take the lead among us, or somesuch. Anyhow, the illustration they used was about how much easier it was for geese to fly in formation than alone.

When the question was asked, the sixtyish pioneer sister who rented a room from my mom said that this was because the geese had "a head honker to break the wind for them."

The watchtower study conductor went beet red, and it was several minutes before the congregation recovered from laughing enough to continue the study.

Elders' Gems of Wisdom

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