Elders' Gems of Wisdom

by stephenw20 104 Replies latest jw friends

  • mindfield
    mindfield

    Back in the time when I was a publisher (say, about 2-3 years ago), everyone was wondering why, exactly, I was taking so long to get baptized. On the one hand, I made some "excellent" number 2 talks, and on the other hand, at home... I... sinned, alone in my room. Whatever. Anyways, there was this brother who would always nag me about my baptism after my talks, even when we would just meet at the Hall. The idiot (ex-elder) always asked me something like, "So, with that talk of yours, and with all the knowledge (hahahaha) that you have, surely you want to get baptized?" And on it went, for months at a time. That brother was finally one of the reasons I stopped being a publisher. I was tired of him and a couple others nagging me all the time to raise the bar from "publisher" to "baptized publisher". No coercion, my @$$.

    Of course, I wasn't the kind of guy to fool around with. Especially not by one particular elder, with which I had a couple arguments (nothing too serious, one was about a brother at an Assembly who had said something to the effect that the Simpsons was a wordly influence). Since I was only a "publisher", I didn't see the harm in arguing with him. Anyways, to get right to the point... after a "service meeting", we met at the entrance of the KH, where he asked me, "So, did you have any good visits lately?" To which I replied, nonchalantly, "No." And to which he said, "Well, I've had two very (accent on the very) good visits lately. One was with a nice lady, which is..." His monologue was cut off by some other brother who was asking him to come along. Now, I knew perfectly well what his intentions were... to encourage me, and all. However, the way he said it didn't come out that way. He sounded like if he was laughing at me or something. After all the things he'd done to piss me off, this was the last straw. For my next number two talk, for which he was the "counselor", I made a talk tailor-made and adjusted just for Him, and HIM only. My introduction was essentially what he had said to me... I applied the verses and discussed about how one feeling superior over another and saying things like the above could ruin a constructive encouragement and degenerate into arrogance. Ha. Of course, it was arrogant of me to do something like that, but hey. He was the only one who could realize I was talking about him. He excused himself after the meeting. And you'd better believe I've never felt so good in a long, long while.

  • likeabird
    likeabird

    bttt

  • Apognophos
    Apognophos

    Thanks for bumping, great stuff here.

  • cobaltcupcake
    cobaltcupcake

    Wow, thanks for resurrecting this thread! Great stuff!

    This has probably happened at a number of halls, but one Sunday a particularly rambunctious toddler was being hauled out to the library for a spanking and he yelled out, "Jehovah, help me!"

    The accounts servant was seated behind a family with 3 little kids. Mom was holding the infant and apparently squeezed him too hard because the kid upchucked into the accounts servant's book bag which held his ledgers (this was before personal computers). Poor guy nearly freaked out.

    Ever been to a meeting where the sound guy played the wrong musical track and everyone tried to make the lyrics work?

    In rural Maine back in the 70s our very tiny congregation had a tiny kingdom hall. The bathrooms were located right at the back of the very small auditorium and the flushing sound would sometimes drown out the speaker. My father one time had an attack of explosive diarrhea during the meeting, the sound of which reverberated throughout the auditorium. It was hard to keep a straight face. Poor dad!

  • tornapart
    tornapart

    Thanks for bumping! Some hilarious posts!

  • notjustyet
    notjustyet

    Elder said

    " Man is so smart now that he can send a spaceship from the earth to the moon and never hit a star"

    NJY

  • finally awake
    finally awake

    one time a fight broke out between two animals in the crawlspace under the kingdom hall. the growling and yowling and thumping and banging was quite funny during the meeting

  • Sammy Jenkis
    Sammy Jenkis

    Here's my list of poorly worded scriptures: 1. Proverbs 4:18, "But the path of the righteous ones is like the bright light that is getting lighter and lighter until the day is firmly established." There should have been a nice asterisk placed on this one explaining that this would be used as an excuse by WT for being wrong.

  • Indian Larry
    Indian Larry

    One time one of the elders was sitting in his chair with his one leg crossed over the other. The toe of his right foot was in the space between the back and seat of the (empty) chair in front of him. Along came a VERY large sister (at least 400lb) and flopped down in the chair trapping his foot. We were laughing so hard the whole row shook.

  • laverite
    laverite

    Love the one notjustyet shared -- about not hitting any stars on the way to moon. I'm trying not to laugh too hard as I am bleaching my teeth right now. So flipping funny!

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