They certainly became very smug when I lost my footing and started to desperately cry, @ShirleyW. The gleam in their eyes was what disturbed me the most as they cut me off and rebuked me for daring to question their hypocrisy. I felt like a little child cowering in a corner from a drunken, rage-filled stepfather. Terrifying.
I'm New
by Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho 209 Replies latest members meetups
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OnTheWayOut
Elders only have power over members that is given by those members. While you have a different situation with friends and family, you are easily recognizing that you gave the elders too much power and are removing that same power. Great job there.
I wish you well. We are here for you.
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Ding
Remember how the Pharisees were always testing Jesus and trying to trap him into saying something they could use against him?
Legalistic groups act this way, and you're just been hit with it full force.
The sad thing is that the people that do this believe that the Watchtower religion is genuine Christianity.
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Giordano
Color me pissed! I can't believe this shit!
Very sorry that these jokers decided to use a spy someone you helped financially. Someone you thought was also questioning. That was as low as it gets. After being informed by your 'friend' why in the hell didn't the Elder approach you and try to help you get back to the 'truth'?
It turns out that a fellow "awake" Witness friend was being used as a nark for the elders for the last several months. She'd been feeding them any incriminating information I'd stated to her. The whole time, this "sister" had been bleeding me dry financially because she "needed assistance" with material things.
You would have thought she'd do the proper thing...take you aside and tell you that she still believed and preferred not to talk about spiritual things. But instead, either because she could milk you for money and preen before an Elder or two, you were attacked set upon by a pack of wolves.
I don't think any of us were surprised, but like you........ we didn't see the duplicitous nature of a 'long term' investigation. That seems totally improper.
Right now you need to heal up and get some distance however by the very nature of how these Elder's handled this I wonder if there are any legal options?
First off this 'friend' used you intentionally and extracted money from you during a long period of time. By asking you for money while she was a spy there may be a way for legal action.
I told them that just because they were going through my private text messages didn't make it any less grave than if they were rifling through my mail box and opening up physical pieces of mail.
Next they were using your private texts.
Finally they verbally abused you which is actually a serious issue:
In order to have a successful claim for intentional infliction of emotional distress, a person must prove three elements:
1.Extreme or Outrageous Conduct: Again, this is behavior that is more than merely malicious, harmful, or offensive — the conduct must exceed all possible bounds of decency;
2.The Conduct Was Intentional or Reckless: Careless or negligence behavior won’t suffice — the actor must intend to cause emotional distress or know that emotional distress is likely to occur;
3. The Conduct Caused Severe Emotional Distress: This can be the hardest to prove, but severe and lasting emotional effects like persistent anxiety and paranoia, or possible bodily harm like ulcers or headaches could show a person suffered extreme emotional distress as a result of the conduct -See more at: http://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2015/08/emotional-abuse-laws-when-to-seek-legal-help.html#sthash.Ive1X8mJ.dpuf
With an Attorneys help you may have enough for a law suit or threat of one.......... and the Attorney could write to the Society's Legal Department asking for a cease and desist which might motivate them to warn off those Elders about taking any further action against you.
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flipper
Hey Wake Me Up - Nice to have you here on the board ! I'm so very sorry to hear that you've been verbally and mentally assaulted and abused by these jack asses who call themselves " elders " . It's psychological abuse and mind control that these twisted men have been indoctrinated by WT leaders to use on rank & file JW's to cause them to break down and do " obeisance " to them. It's disgusting and a crime against humanity. Please know that we are here as a support to you and me and my wife offer our friendship as well personally to you.
I was born into the Witnesses and got out back in 2003 at age 44 under similar circumstances that you were being assaulted with by unloving elders who thought they were " legends in their own minds " . The elders in my congregation back then were claiming that because I took a female worker of mine to a public Starbucks while working that it was considered " a date " as some fellow JW ratted me out to the elders - and they hauled my ass into the back room. With no truth whatsoever to these allegations.
Also- my then estranged and separated non-JW wife who was a drug addict had told me to not have my teenage daughters visit at our house and told me I should visit my daughters at a park somewhere so she wouldn't be stressed out when they visited us. The main elder on the committee AGREED with her telling me " it's a good thing that your wife wants to get back together with you - you should go visit your daughters at the park- a neutral location and not visit them at your house. " I about fell out of my chair while wanting to strangle this elder ! I told him, " I'm NOT going to treat my daughters like strangers and meet them in a park , and not my home ! " Then one of the elders said, " Well, it makes us wonder how serious you took your marriage when you are out on a date with a female employee at a Starbuck's a couple months after your wife left ! " To this day- I don't know HOW I restrained myself from jumping across the table and strangling that elder for his rudeness .
But after that I exited the back room and picked my books up off my seat in the kingdom hall before the meeting- and walked out of the kingdom hall- never to return. Left cold turkey. The alarm bells and lights went off in my head and I've had freedom of mind since 2003. It's been the happiest time of my life !
In time you will feel less stress after you've researched the reasons these JW authority figures abuse their power. If you get a chance to read any of Steve Hassan's books on mind control tactics used by Jehovah's Witnesses and other cults like Scientology- his books were a huge help to me to see HOW and WHAT tactics the WT Society used to deceive my mind and emotions. After reading those books I had more of an understanding of the control and deception involved in manipulating us by WT leaders. And then I stopped blaming myself and stopped having feelings of worthlessness. It wasn't US that was screwed up- it's WT leaders. And that control and manipulation runs right down to the least insignificant elder and it bleeds into every JW male or " heads " of families that try to dominate their wives or children in an authoritative manner. Steve Hassan's website is : www.freedomofmind.com.
Hang in there kiddo. You will be fine in the end. It's tough at first , but the further you get away from the high control of the JW organization- you will gain more confidence in yourself and know and realize inner peace and happiness. It takes time- so be kind to yourself and be patient, don't berate yourself- it's not your fault - we were all lied to from a criminal organization bent on " using " people. I'll PM you my wife and my phone number if you ever want to talk, O.K. ? All of us here on the board are here for you my friend, take care, hang in there, Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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jp1692
Wake me up, I'm sorry you had to go through this but it was pretty predictable. You've learned a painful but valuable lesson: the elders are not your friends and this religion is a cult.
You were abused, your trust and boundaries violated. Your faith may be shattered, but you: you are unbroken.
It may not seem like it now but you can and will get better. It's a process, a long process, and often a painful one. In many ways it's like grieving a great loss. In fact, it is a great loss to find out that the religion you believed in is a fraud and to find out the people that you thought were your friends are really not and are more loyal to a cult-a concept-than they are to you.
It may not seem like it now, but in time you will get better, stronger-stronger than you can ever have imagined. What is most important now is that you begin thinking about the life ahead of you. Imagine what that can be like and then start moving towards that.
Paulo Freire said, "We make the road by walking." Start walking. You are not alone.
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ShirleyW
Wake - you used the word that best describes them (well, there are several more words to describe them) that former JWs use - SMUG, just one of the words that describes them perfectly !!
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Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
@Giordano, the elders told me I am "barred" from speaking to that sister who they used to extract information from me about my thoughts. How convenient. I'm not allowed to call her on her BS when she said "she's being threatened by death for missing meetings" and "wants to know more about things because I'M WITH YOU!" I can't confront her with her lies or the fact that she would always hit me up for money and financial favors because she is being "protected" by the elders. How dare them. How dare her. I'm washing my hands clean of these cunning people. It's not the first time I've been "sold out" by sisters who've enlisted in my help in other areas over the years. But at the time I was counseled to see the "love" behind their actions and to "humble myself" enough to not hold a grudge against the nasty elders who dealt with me way back then. Disgusting behavior and we're just told to BE SILENT and "not cause divisions" by never mentioning these things again and accepting responsibility for the wrong they caused. I once heard a good quote years ago. It was something like "for badness and evil to keep happening, all that is required is for good men to do nothing." I'm done doing nothing.
@Ding "Pharisees" is EXACTLY what the elders are. Just like the Pharisees bound the ancient Jews by their religious mandates and laws, so the elders bind Witnesses with their staunch, corrupt authority.
@Flipper, I am familiar with Steve Hassan! I have his book, Combating Cult Mind Control : ).
@jp1692 Are you a therapist? Your words are truly profound and really resonate with me. Thank you for being so wise and understanding - and above all - LOVING. What a terrible elder you would make.
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doofdaddy
Just had a skim through these posts and can only say good advice so far. You have great communication skills so will have little trouble widening your social circle once the shock of being dfshipped wears down a little.
I found the "elders" in general to be far from what that term means. Childish, arrogant, quick to make emotional decisions... Actually reminds me of Jehovah and his treatment of Job
Oh and yes I do live in the Southern Hemisphere to answer one of you early questions... -
Wake Me Up Before You Jo-Ho
@doofdaddy, Jehovah left a good example of how to treat people who make one misstep: Lot's wife. Never given a chance to repent. Never given a fair trial. Nothing. But then kings like Manasseh can saw prophets like Isiah in half with a sword but get given years later to say "I'm sorry" and be forgiven. I used to hear this joke about doctors, but for the sake of the circumstances, I'm going to change the word "doctor" with "elder".
Q: What's the difference between God and an elder?
A: God doesn't think he's an elder.
Are you in Australia, by any chance? : )