Repressed, Triggered and Recovered Memories (page 9)

Piph

Thanks for your experiences, everybody. I'm at work so I don't have enough time to read everything in depth, though I would like to. But I just wanted to mention my thanks.

waiting

Hey tex,

Page 2, 'bout half way down - this thread. kgfreeperson (I have the hardest time remember that poster's name) They posted above that too.........but the second one is what I've quoted.

Very fine example of how the average mind works with new information.

waiting

Big Tex

Thanks waiting. I just read it. Funny I didn't see it the first (or second time) around. I guess I repressed it.

It is a good example of how, I think, people process what victims say. I think there is a big level of denial, as well as outright refusal to believe. I also think fear plays a big part, most people are afraid of what they don't understand.

one_ugly_time

I guess I needed a good cry tonight.

(((Big Tex))) - My spine was shivering and my whole body went cold reading your story. I haven't the words to express the feelings of such cruel treatment toward a child by those who "love" him. I understand your avatar completely.

I have been in therapy for the past year and a half trying to understand why my entire being when numb, cold, confused, and disoriented in the midst of a conversation one with a friend one day. I am putting pieces together... and realized later that I had been working geneology, family interviews, and personal journaling for a couple years prior to that day. I had forgotten (or repressed) a lot. I have no ability to validate any of my suspicions, so I have been working the process of "reframing" my memories (or beliefs of such). I am still extremely socially scared to death and constantly get bombarded with flashback type feelings if the social atmosphere is unfamiliar or I don't have a trusting partner with me. Thanks for sharing your story. I believe mine pales in comparison, so when I see the ability to work through it and find strength from the "darkness" that you went through, I am encouraged to keep moving forward.

(((((( group hug )))))) for all the other posters that related and shared personal experiences.

ugly

Big Tex

one_ugly_time

It's okay. You're doing fine.

I understand your avatar completely

Thanks. Most people don't.

I have been in therapy for the past year and a half

I was in therapy for 6 1/2 years. You're ahead of me. After 18 months, I had just made a breakthrough into the concept of repressed memory. But listen, it does get better. Please understand that what you experienced when you were younger, was so frightening, so bizarre and so hideous that you did not have the capacity to process it. Realize the mind is constructed in such a way that it will do whatever it can to protect you. And if you undergo an experience that is beyond the mind's capacity to deal with, it will take that experience, along with all the surrounding emotions, box it up and put it on a shelf. And it will stay there until such time as you can deal with it. It may very well be that time is now.

Have you experienced sudden flashes of images that happen while you are at work, or driving or some other mundane task? Have you noticed an increase in nightmares? Or do you suddenly feel terrified for no reason?

But one thing that is very important in going through this experience. What is more important than sorting through the "data" of those blips and flashbacks, is dealing with the accompanying emotions. You know how you feel sad, or embarassed moreso than you used to? Or losing your temper easier or more often than you used to? These are the things you really need to confront. Oftentimes victims have a tremendous well of anger and sadness over what happened to them, and surrounding that is an immense amount of shame.

This is what therapy is useful for. Confront these emotions. They do not belong to you. They belong to the offender, to the person who hurt you so badly. Yes, the memory is helpful, even important, but remembering exactly who did what, to whom, where and why is not nearly as important as how you feel about the abuse. I made a mistake in focusing strictly on the data. I wanted to know who, what, where, why and how. I wasted many months on that. I should have looked instead on the tremednous sadness and anger I felt. I would eventually, but not until I caused myself unnecessary pain.

If I can do anything to help you, please PM me. I've been there, and I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it does get better. Healing does take place. The flashbacks do stop.

Be well,

Chris

Lady Lee

(((one_ugly_time))) after seeing you post in this thread your ID makes sense.

Therapy isn't a race. You have all the time you need to deal with it all. As BT stated it is essential to deal with the emotions and sometimes you can't get to the emotions unless you have the data. But most definitely having the tolls needed to deal with the emotions should be a first step so they don't overwhelm you as they will often try to do.

Just remember the child you were lived through the reality of whatever happened to you. It is very possible for the adult you to recover from remembering it all.

(((BT))) great that you are so there for others

Big Tex

((Lady Lee)))

I'd listen to Lee. She is one smart woman, who knows her stuff and is far more experienced in this area than I.

one_ugly_time

BigTex - Reading your story and feeling the pains associated with the unnameable, unknowable events had a more profound affect than any advice anyone could offer. In my subjective world, I have a hard time trusting anyone, especially "advice" or "guidance"... but I can relate to others stories and gain knowledge and insight into mine through this process.

Lady Lee - I want it to stop !!! I want this process to stop !!! I just don't know how ! I understand it isn't a race, in fact, I don't even believe that there is a finish line anymore. And at this point in life, I am not sure that I will ever have all the tools necessary. However, like a good craftsman, I am starting to throw away the outdated ones, rebuild with some modern ones, and leave a few speciality tools in the closet in case they are ever needed. I will get through this !!!

BigTex - I sent you a PM. I was way overloaded last night and needed to vent.

ugly

xenawarrior

And at this point in life, I am not sure that I will ever have all the tools necessary.

You do One !!

That is what is so great about having people around who you can get some of this stuff OUT with. They can be there for the ((((hugs))) you need to let you know that you've been heard and understood and... to remind you that YOU DO have the tools necessary. They are there- they may not be as accessible as they will be later on, For now you may be obtaining some new excavation tools you can use to unearth all the rest. Take your time and be gentle with yourself along the way. And keep looking for those such as Tex and Lee here who have been in that tunnel and are holding the lanterns for others now.

Lady Lee

I am sending this bttt because it was a great thread that was corrupted before the move to the new format. It is now available again and worth a read for those who need it

Repressed, Triggered and Recovered Memories

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