This is one of the best threads I've read in some time. I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the participants in this thread, and in keeping the discussion civil. Thank you especially, Nickey, for starting this thread.
I have been out of the Organization for over 23 years. During that time, I've had the opportunity to do a lot of healing and introspective self-exploration. I admit that there is a part of me that still hates the JWs for what they did to me, for stealing my formative years from me through false promises of Armageddon and immortality. What I have learned, though, is to channel that hate. I do not hate individual Jehovah's Witnesses. In fact, I care for them very much and wish nothing but the best intentions for them, and demonstrate this caring by being there to assist anyone who wishes to escape from behind the walls of the Watchtower. What I do hate, however, is the WTBTS itself, and the methods it uses, as a corporation, to herd the flock, misguiding them into believing things that shall never come to pass. I hate the power that they wield over the membership, threatening them with shunning and expulsion if anyone should fail to heed their slightest demand. I hate the way the Corporation tries to weasel its way out of responsibility for those who have died from refusing blood, and those who have been sexually mishandled by the pedophiles in their midst.
In the years since I was expelled, I have dealt with literally hundreds of exJWs (and some hundreds of still active JWs as well, but to a lesser degree). During that time, listening to them, reading their correspondence, and meeting many of them in person, I came to the realization that healing from our JW experience is a process, not an event.
When one decides to leave the JWs or is expelled, one needs to go through a period of grieving. It's like losing a loved one in divorce or death. For some, the grieving process takes longer than others. What I see here on this board are people in all stages of their grieving process interacting with one another. Some are still consumed with anger, even rage. Others are in denial about their feelings and trying to mask them by childishness, silliness, or prejudice (even bigotry) against others. Still others are in the acceptance phase of their healing process. Yes, there are even some here who, even thuogh they have recovered from their JW experience, stick around to help others, whether anyone has asked them to or not.
When you have such a potpourri of emotions, arguments are bound to occur. I do not think anyone should be invalidated for having emotions, or for reacting to a situation in a particular way. I do, however, believe that if a person is acting in an offensive manner, then the matter needs to be brought to their attention. Rather than condemning the individual, it should be pointed out to them that they are going through a phase of the grieving process, and should be offered assistance, not further shunning or condemnation.
I do not agree with all the posts made here. In one recent instance, I found a post of sufficient distastefulness that I had to mention my disgust to a moderator in private. Even in a public forum, I believe that there is a certain decorum that should be followed. Rather than continue to fuel a flame war, I state my position in private to someone with moderation abilities, and move on.
Personally, I do not believe that an interactive forum such as this is an appropriate starting place for those just leaving the Organization. The WTBTS teaches its followers that those who are "cast out into the darkness" are full of Satanic discord and misery. It would be easy for a JW viewing this board to mistake the healing process occurring here for what they percieve as a group of exJWs who have become self-fulfilling prophecies.
I've participated in some of the silly threads myself. In the case of the Christmas Tree thread, I percieved it as most people just thinking out loud, wishing they could do these things, but not actually ever carry it out. I have a friend who for years has been threatening to go to the Memorial at a Kingdom Hall with flashlights strapped around his waist, stand up in the middle of the Memorial, flip the switch, and proclaim that he is an angel sent to warn the congregation to leave the JWs. The idea is admittedly amusing, yet, he never actually does it. Why? Because he knows (as do I) that realistically, he would be looked upon as a persecutor or an agent of Satan, giving the JWs more fodder to believe that they are being persecuted because they are the "true religion". The last thing we actually need to do is strengthen any JW's resolve not to leave because of a prank or any means of persecution.
Peace.....JIM
