My dub mom wants to remarry (page 6)

willyloman

Blondie's posting of that old '77 WT answers this whole question. All she has to do is write a letter to the elders saying she has sufficient reason to believe the marriage is scripturally ended (she's met his girl friend, after all, and it appears to be common knowledge in the family that he's had several 'relationships'). The elders, believe me, will be all to happy to put this behind them.

Meanwhile, this thread vividly illustrates the tangled web that evolves when you wander into someone else's bedroom and start offering advice.

wednesday

Unbeliever,

i think your reply to your mom was great. I think other than maybe sendng her the info in Blondie's post, u are quite right to get out of it. Your dad sounds like he can handle himself. I would also make sure your dad knows what u have done and inform him of the rights he has not to admit anything. All she and her new bf will do is shun u and your brothres, it won't matter anyhow. I have a family member who went through this, and he CHOSE to stalk his x with his new GF and take pics of them. The elders were going to let him sign something but he CHOSE to do it the hard way, being so SPIRITUAL that he had to have absolute proof. So what i am saying is, the elders may be telling her "well u can sign this paper,but if you are wrong about the adultry, then u bare the consequences before jehovah" and she may be just throwing a fit and trying to HAVE IT ALL HER WAY.

I agree with all, let her stew in her pot. In the meantime, watch and learn.

FlyingHighNow

Here's a thought:

Your mother seems very close to this widower, right? Do you think she invites him over for dinner, etc. Could she be spending more than the allotted hours alone with him? Is she always chaperoned? Your father could maybe turn the tables on her and bust her and confront her with it. It matters not to the elders whether your mother was just having tea and crumpets and innocently playing footsies under the coffee table. All they care about is that she was alone with him for such and such a block of time.

I have been put through this same question barrage by my exhusband. What a bunch of weasels JWs can be when they want out of a marriage very badly. I don't have any sympathy for people who divorce for convenience sake and then whine to know if they are free so they can complete their evil plan which is to remarry the perfect JW mate and live happily ever after.

If widower is serious about marrying your ma, then let him go get some extra offices to clean or a second job and let them pay for a PI to get the goods on your dad. The way I see it is your mother has enough evidence. If I were her I'd just say to the brothers, look my ex has had several girlfriends. I am confident he has had sex with at least one of them. I'm getting married. Enough said. That's it. What is the worst that can happen to your mother? She gets dfd and then has to be reinstated? Does she not know her Jehovah is watching her and he knows she divorced your father for bogus reasons and will be held just as accountable for his adultery?

Weasels. Just a bunch of sleazy weasels.

Heather

Sassy

Technically if she doesn't have her freedom to date.. that elder by getting to the point they are as in spending time together.. talking marriage is out of line.. AS an ELDER and by Example he should not have even let it get this far until she is free officially to date.. if he was turned in, he could be in trouble for it..

detective

Wow! I can't even imagine actually revealing personal information to a group of strangers to "free" someone to remarry!

I can't agree with offering that information to anybody, let alone pandering to a destructive cult. Your father would be doing more harm than good by supporting the rules and regulations of a cult. Softening the blow of the reality cult members face is not the answer. If your mother is "forced" to live life alone it is because her group requires it of her. It is NOT because of the actions of your father. Allowing her to shift blame to your father only furthers your mother's denial about her cult involvement. They control every aspect of her life. Your father does not.

By not pandering to the cult lunacy, your father is actually doing her a favor. She may not realize it now, but perhaps she will eventually (perhaps not, who knows!) I would not pander to the weird whims of the scientologists to win a date with Tom Cruise, I would not bang a tambourine in a bathrobe to make a Hare Krishna feel better and I wouldn't sell my soul to help Prince become the future panda-petter he's aiming to be. Cults are destructive. I wouldn't suggest sugar-coating it.

I'd suggest your father simply refer your mother to god and let the big-guy-in-the-sky guide her. After all, this isn't about her relationship with a group of elders, is it? I thought this was about being on guy-in-sky's good side...

p.s. another question- will elder boyfriend wait around if she can't "get free"?

Stephanus

Can anyone else see a certain paradox here? Thanks to Blondie's digging up that old Tower article, unbeliever's mum will possibly be able to move on with the Tower's blessing. IOW, thanks to a bunch of apostates, fellowshipping via the evil internet, she gets her "meat in due season". Oh, the irony!

outnfree

Mulan is way nicer than me, too!

Your mother's difficulties DO stem from the religion, not from your father's refusal to "play ball", and should she and her elder truly love one another, and truly feel that she IS scripturally free to remarry, they should bite the bullet, get legally married, get DF'd or reproved and deal with those consequences. In another year or two, they'll be back in good standing. It may take two years anyway for her to wear your family down or for the PI to be hired and the 'dirt' to be dug up.

Plenty of other people divorce their mates unscripturally, marry a 'perfect' JW (oxymoron), and wait out the shunning, because they want the mate more than the respect. I think more than your mother losing status, she probably IS wrestling with the fact that she was never scripturally free to divorce your dad. You say she's honest? She's probably finally being honest with herself on that count. So now she needs your dad to be bad to feel free in the very deepest recesses of her ~~soul~~ psyche.

Bondage to the WT sucks, doesn't it?

outnfree