What "CAUSES" a molested child to hurt? (Warning: Possible Triggers) (page 3)

talesin

cg

yes, I skimmed the book, read the chapter quoted (whilst you were posting - amazing about communication, what?), also researched the author a bit ... that's why I said nothing in reply. Glad you kept on reading. It's so easy for these people to twist a meaning, isn't it?

I really feel that Gumby is wanting to understand. An honest inquiry, imho, else I would have steered well clear of this thread.

At an earlier time in my recovery, I would have been exactly where you are right now, flashing back to my feelings at the time of the abuse. Indeed, there are certain aspects of this issue which still have the power to upset me.

Remember, the best revenge is living well. Continue to heal. If your posts are any indication, you are a beautiful, warm spirit with a keen sense of humour and a natural zest for life.

talesin

bisous

I presumed that wasn't Gumby's intent, but I wanted him and others to know the impact of this thread (on one victim anyway).

And don't feel sorry for me, Talesin, I live a good life and believe I have stopped the cycle of abuse in my family with me. Doesn't remove the past and the pain however.

edited to add: But also, (((Talesin))) for the kind words of support and encouragement. I do appreciate them

Lady Lee

Even though some cultures accept it doesn't mean the body is ready for it.

Interestingly some cultures also accept genital mutilation as normal. There are a lot of people fighting to change that cultural norm.

When I was in school we had a woman in our class from a different culture who said they didn't have anything like incest in her culture. I thought that was hard to believe so I asked her again. She said no it didn't happen. Shaking my head I said "So you never have situations where a man touches the privates of a young girl?" She responded "Oh that? Yes that happens all the time but we never talk about it?" Seems they just don't have a word for it in their language. But the practice is considered so bad that they refuse to discuss it. And the girls certainly don't enjoy it. The practice is considered very shameful.

Just because some cultures do it openly or it is the normal doesn't necessarily make it OK with the children. Submission can be the norm (and where do we know that one from) but we don't have to like it

patio34

I have trouble thinking this is a bona fide question (the title). It would seem self-evident and not appropriate to go into here what physical and emotional trauma a child may suffer. It seems to me that the question trivializes others' suffering.

Pat

Simon

I can't figure out WHY the trauma is SO GREAT from a child who has been molested......compared to a kid who was involved in stealing. In both cases the act is taught as WRONG......yet the trauma from a child molested........is 20 times greater than the trauma from a kid who had been caught stealing. Why is there such a great difference?

Gumby. A statement like this really defies belief. I can't believe that you seriously think this! If you do, I think you need to do some research into things.

Lady Lee

I had a response and it disappeared

Many researchers have asked this question. And I think it is valid. Is our reaction to the event causing more of a trauma than the event itself?

I know that as a 9 year old I didn't need anyone's reaction to know I was scared and confused. And that was before he said one word to threaten me into silence. Just the experience alone made me feel dirty.

I was used and left. I had no choice. It didn't matter if I was sick or tired or asleep or just didn't want to. I had no choice.

What we call child sexual abuse is not an event that two people mutually decide upon. It is about one person meeting their needs at the expense of the other.

And along with many of the other things already mention (and probably other that haven't yet) go into creating the traumatic impact of the abuse

Simon

Isn't it simple?

Quote apart from the things themselves being totally incomparable, "being abused" is not something the child chose to do but stealing is.

Euphemism

Lee... I just wanted to say, thank you for giving an honest and brave answer to this question.

The fact is, this is an area that is often not understood in our society. Proof of that is that while the molestation of young girls by adult men is always understood as horrendous, the molestation of young boys by adult women is often trivialized. What that tells me is that people are actually understanding the sexual abuse of children through adult sexual mores.

The key fact is the same message that the feminist movement helped spread about rape: it's not about sex, it's about violence. It's about power, control, being used.

I do believe that the shame is exacerbated by societal norms. The worst norm of all, however, is that of secrecy. Abuse survivors grouw up with the sense that they are different from everyone else, that they have this dark, deep secret that they cannot talk about.

I can understand that even discussing this subject rationally would be painful for many survivors. I would be very careful of discussing this subject with Meia, for example, as much as I would like her input on it. But there are some survivors, such as Lee, who are obviously at a point in their healing where they are able to discuss such matters; and I think that it is important that they be allowed to do so, so that the rest of us can understand.

Lady Lee

OK put this another way about the stealing thing - what if the child is robbed? Why would sexual abuse be more traumatic than being robbed? In both cases the child is a victim. And many people who have been robbed say they feel violated.

I think some of the comments above address that issue.

This may seem obvious to many people but it isn't obvious enough that people don't make these TV shows and put the question out there.

I don't take any offence on Gumby on asking a question based on something he saw. Heck I would prefer the question be asked rather than people going away believing everything they see on TV.

Now Simon don't be going and locking this thread. I think it asks and answers a valuble question

Euphemism

What "CAUSES" a molested child to hurt? (Warning: Possible Triggers)

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