What "CAUSES" a molested child to hurt? (Warning: Possible Triggers)

by gumby 195 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  LyinEyes

  I totally understand Big Tex, how knowing some of the details of what happened with you, how you could not read the book.

  I admit I am pretty strong while reading most things , but that book , I had to put down and cry several times,,,,,,,take a break from it.

  Every time my youngest son came by me,,,,,,,he was a few years younger than he is now,,,,, I just grabbed him and held him,,,,,,,,as I wanted to do for the little boy David.

  Talespin,,,,,,,you made a great point.........regardless of the abuse......even abuse such as a father making his daughter feel uncomfortable , put in the position of the wife/mother is abuse, I was told. Any way that an adult treats a child in a manner that makes their skin crawl, is wrong. There are such varying degrees of sexual abuse, as well as different degrees of physical and emotional abuse.

  Bottom Line......... Abuse is abuse and it still hurts!!!!!!!! You can't discredit , as you said, your own pain, because you feel the abuse done to you wasnt as bad as someone's eles.......even if you feel that someone's eles was so bad,,,,,,,,you shouldnt feel as bad as you do. You have every right to allow yourself to address the pain.

  This has been a great thread.

  I did want to add something to it that I read today.........forgot the book name, I have so many dealing with these kinds of issues.

  Well remember my thread of dreams, I was having bad dreams for 2 days straight,,,,,,,,every dream was painful, I was crying.

  I twisted my ankle awhile back and it has been hurting me ESPECIALLY bad these last two days.

  What I read was that if you are suffereing from a different physical pain than you are used to ,,,,,,,say you have arthritis,but you are used to that, and you twist your ankle that is a new pain.

  In the book it said that if you are in pain,,,,,,,,a new pain, it can effect your subconsciou mind to past pain, memories of abuse, emotional pain etc.

  It is funny, because I read this ,,,,,,,, I told my husband that I thought I might be dreaming these dreams and crying because I am in physical pain, even as I sleep.

  Interesting huh?
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  xenawarrior

  ((((((((((Dede)))))))))))))

  I'm glad you have a place where you can work through some of this stuff and get it out !!
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  talesin

  You are one courageous woman {{{{dede}}}}, choosing to do the hard work of healing instead of just 'burying the pain' and living in denial as many do. Truly, the way to break the cycle of abuse. Just think of what a gift you are giving your children.
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  Lady Lee

  True Dede

  any pain including emotional pain can trigger the old memories or feelings.

  Dealing with them is really the only way to stop the cycle of abuse. And you just KNOW you don't want to pass this on to the next generation.

  Bravo to all of you who are facing your demons
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  Big Tex

  Lady Lee, thank you for being such a help on this topic. It is important to bring child abuse out of the shameful darkness of silence. Some people are so stuck in their own denial and agenda that they want to keep survivors from talking, as if it were something shameful. What they don't realize is how helpful it is for survivors of abuse to talk not only to each other, but to non-abused people as well. Some people want to keep the subject of child abuse quiet and hidden. That agenda is not only frighteningly stupid, but dangerous as well. Knowledge is power, and survivors have been kept powerless for too long. LL, you are a fantastic asset, not only to this board but to Lamb's Roar as well. You impact people in such positive and affirming ways, that maybe you don't realize how much good you do.

  I so appreciate Gumby's interest in this topic, as it allows him to understand the cycle of abuse. His questions remind me of my father-in-law, when I first stepped forward 17 years ago with my story. Bill grew up in a large family that had its problems, but incest, sexual abuse, physical abuse and rape were not among them. His first questions to me back then could have been taken the wrong way by some people, but I knew him well enough to know he was only ignorant, not cruel or predatory. I was able to educate him and he was then able to use my experience to help several other people. Just knowing that one sister was able to approach an elder and received loving concern, a shoulder to cry on (literally) and direction to see a psychologist, made some of those awkward questions worth while.

  And so I look at this thread. I am delighted that folks from non-abusive backgrounds have participated. This is how we can help them understand, and learn and then take that knowledge out so that maybe, just maybe, one day they will be in a position to say a helpful word to an abuse victim who is hanging on by their fingernails. Maybe that helpful word can save a life.

  I kept quiet about my abuse for 23 years. I won't do it again, and I will not allow others to bully survivors into silence either.

  Chris
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  gumby

  BigT.

  but I knew him well enough to know he was only ignorant, not cruel or predatory

  Boy is that me......an ignorant dumbass......but a nice guy!

  Don't worry...I know what you mean. People are ignorant of many things and this is one of them. Had I created this post all over again....I would have worded things different and used better analogies than I did such as the bicycle stealing comparison.( that was NOT a good illustration to use). I had no idea how sensitive this subject could become......but I knew it was questionable before I posted it. I have no regrets for creating this thread as I feel it has done mountains of good for victims and non- victims. Vivtims have expressed themselves and gotten some weight off of them, and non-victims have learned at least a little bit of the victims pain.

  Gumby