What "CAUSES" a molested child to hurt? (Warning: Possible Triggers)

by gumby 195 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse

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  gumby

  Well....I finally was feeling well enough to read the replies. I haven't had a good morning and I'm sorry for not responding to my own thread more.

  I owe an apology to talesin. I thought you were a guy because I'm to big of an airhead to notice the male/female sign. That's why I made the butt comment. I also don't know you as I do Ladylee and I didn't give the credit I should have to youmat the beginning of this thread. I had NO IDEA you know what you know and what you have been through. I appreciate all of your insight on this matter and want to thank you.

  Simon,

  Gumby. A statement like this really defies belief. I can't believe that you seriously think this! If you do, I think you need to do some research into things

  Why didn't you understand my intent like 95% of the others did? I CLEARLY stated the trauma over being molested was 20 times worse than a theif who was caught. My point was........what causes the shame? Inborn or learned? That was my point. I was trying to figure out if the guilt is worse because kids are taught that being a victim of sexual abuse is the worst thing that can happen to them.....and so their guilt is greater. I don't appreciate being made to feel like a damn pervert either Simon. You have known me about 2 and a half years here and have NEVER known me to be perverted. Thanks

  Gumby
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  bisous

  Sorry, Gumby, true I don't know you like others but
  

  I CLEARLY stated the trauma over being molested was 20 times worse than a theif who was caught.

  I missed the clarity of this intent as well as Simon. You only posted twice prior to apologizing, and I have reread both of them to detect this 20x worse point. Don't see it, can you point it out or clarify this for us?

  In any event, your (generalized) apology accepted. bisous
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  patio34

  Gumby, I just looked over the whole thread, and Simon's posts to you and didn't see anywhere where he alluded to you being a pervert. He was responding, as others have, to your:

  can't figure out WHY the trauma is SO GREAT from a child who has been molested......compared to a kid who was involved in stealing. In both cases the act is taught as WRONG......yet the trauma from a child molested........is 20 times greater than the trauma from a kid who had been caught stealing. Why is there such a great difference

  For one, you're comparing being molested (victimized) with stealing (perpetrator). They don't compare.

  Secondly, it's hard to believe the obtuseness level that would be required to not understand why the trauma would be 20 times greater. Again, it's that you said you can't understand it, NOT that you're a pervert. Please read the posts accurately.

  Pat
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  gumby

  Again, it's that you said you can't understand it, NOT that you're a pervert. Please read the posts accurately.

  Your correct pat. I overstated what was said.........and again.....I apologize.... to Simon this time. It's been a bad day for me, and I'm way too sensetive to be posting for now. Perhaps a nap is due.

  Thanks for showing my post to answer the question that was asked......you beat me to it.

  Gumby
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  Lady Lee

  As a person who has spoken on numerous occasions about the impact of abuse I have heard this question many times. Gumby isn't asking anything new., He saw a program and based on that it raised some questions.

  I suppose he could have taken what the show said at face value and accepted what it said as fact. Instead he came here to see what some of us thought or how the abuse may have impacted us.

  I remember when I first started talking about csa publicly. I would see people take this emotional step backwards. They did not want to be that close to me. It was hard to deal with. But once they started asking questions we both felt more comfortable. Information is power. As survivors we need a lot of information to overcome the damage caused.

  But society needs this information too. We need to help people understand why this is so traumatic. How else is the world going to change if we refuse to ask what seems to us to be obvious. It isn't obvious to people who have not been through it.

  Personally I wil always answer honest questions from those who want to understand
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  bisous

  Gumby:

  I had to read your 2nd post several times to get your drift. When 1st reading it, I didn't comprehend it as you stating you thought the impact was 20x greater, but that you were questioning why people thought the impact was 20x greater to what you felt would be relatively the same since both acts are taught as wrong.

  So my apologies for not getting it right ... after reading it yet again I see the proper reference. But I was so beflummoxed that anyone would even need to post a question regarding such a thing.

  AND, lastly, nobody (especially me) thinks you are a pervert. Maybe a misguided questioner when it comes to this topic. But a pervert? no.

  I must admit it would be nice to have at least one small acknowledgement of the posts I've made here on this thread. But perhaps since you don't 'know' me .....?

  Edited to respond further to Lady Lee's comments:

  I am not ashamed to discuss what happened to me. I think molestation should have a spotlight shined upon it to send the cockroaches scurrying. But some of the questions here appear to me to go beyond the pale of logic and common sense. Just my opinion.
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  Big Tex

  (((gumby))) (((group)))

  It is so easy in a thread like this to make a misstep. Feelings run deep, anger, shame, fear all come to life quickly over words that would otherwise be brushed off. We all have our own secret pain that is not always apparent to the world.

  I'm sorry that feelings were hurt in this thread, but sometimes that is difficult to avoid when talking about such a difficult subject. 15 years ago, I might have responded quite differently to gumby's question. But I'm at a point in my recovery that I've got some distance and that helps immensely.

  Let's all grab a beer, hug our Significant Other and call it all good.

  Chris
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  Valis

  I also wanted to add on the subject in general...In my case, and I'm sure in many other's cases too, there is a furtherance of pain which stems from the parents of a molested child. When they let other molested children into thier homes out of an act of kindness, only to have those children molest thier own kids. Then when it is all over and they are approached thier answer is...."Well we were trying to do the right thing"...and then they leave it at that... Thanks...needed to get that off my chest.

  Oh and Gumby is still a bastard...

  Sincerely,

  District Overbeer
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  bisous

  Group Hug:

  (((((Lady Lee, Talesin, Big Tex, Valis, Gumby, Bikerchic, lisabobeesa, countrygirl, czarofmischief, Simon, patio34, euphemism, cybersista, xenawarrior)))))

  It is a comfort to have a forum such as this.

  
  
  
  
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  bikerchic

  Gosh I don't know what the upset is all about............well actually I do. I come from a place of understanding in the molestation department because I too am a victim, however I also understood perfectly clear that Gumby was asking a question totally innocently and just wanted feedback from those who would know.

  Gumby has I rather imagined learned a lesson by those who have been so traumatized by abuse that years later in fact perhaps until their dying day won't ever completely get over it. The scars go deep, like I said it is soul murdering.

  This IMHO has been a good thread upsets and all. We've spoken our minds and been respectful of each others feelings. It's a touchy subject like touching someones eyeball........sometimes it's just too painful and can trigger feelings even in those of us who thought we've gotten over it. Suggestion, perhaps if you know threads like these could trigger emotions in you you aren't able to handle at the time don't read them. I by no means mean to sound preachy or *itchy, it's just a warning and a caution. You are the best judge of your emotional make up.

  As painful as it was to read or speak of it here I think it's very good to discuss these issues. I for one addressed issues of my own and know some things I should deal with after reading this.If you come away with the same feeling as I did, I hope you are able to address your issues as well. It is better to light a candle than stubble in the darkness.

  My sincere apologies if I misread anyones feelings here, I only wish the pain could go away for us all and wish you all true peace.

  ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((group hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

  Kate