Many people do not show affection- why is this?

gumby

We all know people who will not show affection to those they love or care deeply about. Ever wonder why?

Why cannot a father who loves his daughter deeply...........ever hug her and tell her how much he loves her?

Why cannot some spouses tell their mate they love them?

Why do not some mothers.....ever give their daughter or son any credit or commendation?

It obviously isn't difficult to say words, yet many cannot/will not/do not.

Does anyone know someone such as this? What is your opinion as to why they are this way?

Even when these ones are told......"you never say you love me" and they see the hurt they have caused.......they will not change. Why?

Gumby

Oh sorry...I dunno, I think a lot of it is your culture and how you were raised. I don't really come from a lovey dovey touchy feely family. Hugs in times of severe crisis only, and only then for 2.3 seconds. I know my parents have both said, neither of their famlies were like that either.

There are times in my life when I crave that human contact and to put it all on the line. But it is scary. I have far too many fears it will not be returned or that somehow you can do it wrong. So it's far better for the people I love to interpret for themselves that I love them, then for me to actually do it.

Do I have issues. Sure thing! I am working on it tho.

gumby

There are times in my life when I crave that human contact and to put it all on the line. But it is scary. I have far too many fears it will not be returned or that somehow you can do it wrong. So it's far better for the people I love to interpret for themselves that I love them, then for me to actually do it.

Mornin Joanna,

I think you answered the question. Fear.

Those who do not show affection are afraid to let their guard down ..........for various reasons. They distance themselves to the point they feel safe.

I don't agree with you though that it's BETTER for the ones you love to figure it out for themselves that you care for them. People WANT to be told........not just shown. As you say.....you realise it's a hangup your working on..........but at least your working on it.

Gumlover

Dan-O

You can always tell a Norwegian. You just can't make him listen.

Strawberryfieldsforever

Joanna,

I'm glad I'm not the only one who keeps up the guard. It's my protection, my safety line. But when I need someone's help or caring......I let my guard down and yes it's scary. If the response is not what you want, the guard goes back up and won't come down for a very long long time.

gumby

I would like to add that some refrain from showing affection ....only in public. That's another matter in itself. My point is pertaining to those who do not show affection period, either privately or in public.

Gumby

DanTheMan

I've never had a genuinely affectionate relationship with either of my parents. My mom always insists on hugging me when I see her, but it's not real affection, you know?

Two weeks ago, in a very spontaneous moment, my dad and me hugged for the first time in years. We've never had a good relationship, but I think we're finally reaching a level of understanding with each other, which is nice.

azaria

Cuz we're Norweigan! haha!

joannadandy: That just can't be! When I was younger one of best friends (Norwegian) was very affectionate. Some say that about Dutch people and I am here to say that it's not true. I do think that some nationalities seem more affectionate than others, that the more south you go, the more physically affectionate people are. (just maybe, because of the harsh winters people of the north were more isolated from each other, but then you would think that the oppositve would occur-to keep warm (just a silly theory)

I do think it could be fear of rejection, but some people just don't seem to be naturally touchy feely, and they seem okay with it. My fathers side was't but my mothers side is very affectionate. My brothers, my kids, friends are all very affectionate. Some people seem to have more of a need for physical contact than others. My father never showed any of us affection. He seemed very uncomfortable with it. I remember once absentmindedly putting my hand over his and he pulled away. I only remember one hug from him. He missed out on a lot. I absolutely love hugs and thankfully those around me do to.

gumby

My mom always insists on hugging me when I see her, but it's not real affection, you know?

Are you sure Dan? Maybe you refuse to accept her feelings as genuine because your afraid she'll let you down and you'll be hurt..........so you refuse to chance it. Is that possible? Maybe it's YOU .I'm not suggesting this is the case......but is it a possibility?

Gumby

Stefanie

My ex was like with the kids. When I would get angry at him, he would say it was because of the way he was bought up.

Many people do not show affection- why is this?

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