Many people do not show affection- why is this? (page 6)

gumby

Anybody ever heard of the book....."Men who love the Women they Hate"? ( or vise versa.....can't remember)

This was a book that discussed why people who love............can't seem to show it to those they love.

I think it's a similar problem that some men have with their families. These men, are nice as can be to others........yet be real bastards to their own. Their kids and spouse will say...."you don't know him, he's not that way when theres nobody around."

Why is it that the ones some should be the closets to.........act the most distant from?

I still feel it's a 'deep-seated fear'.........of whatever type that individual has.

Gumby

flower

Gumby, yea that sounds familiar. Me padre was of the that class. Total asshole at home but everyones favorite elder..approachable, not arrogant, non judgemental, yada yada yada. But I think with some people its not fear of anything except losing power. Power hungry control freaks are incapable of love..nothing matters but being the boss.

LittleToe

Ya needing a hug, Gumby?

LT, "tactile" class

gumby

But I think with some people its not fear of anything except losing power.

I suppose "some" are that way as you say flower. It's funny these types however aren't always controlling to others. The guy I had in mind was very passive and teachable. He didn't act power crazy at all. As soon as he walked in the front door of his own home......he bacame a different mean bastard.

Strange indeed! I wish I knew more of why people act as they do...it's always intrested me since I was a kid

Gumby

SixofNine

I've patted his head LT, you rub his belly.

Lady Lee

Title is the other way around

Men who hate women who love them - excellent book and matches my ex perfectly. It was a real shocker to see it all in print.

Everyone thought he was wonderful and would never believe how bad he could be at home. People used to tell me "When I get married I want a marriage just like yours" I would smile nicely but inside my stomach was turning over "And no one knows what goes on behind closed doors"

When we were splitting he bribed the girls to stay with him. That didn't last lone though. Within a few months they realized they had been conned by him yet again.

But there is a reason why 2 little girls ages 13 and 9 went to Legal Aid to get a lawyer so they could come live with me. He would abuse them emotionally and physically - even kicking them (which he admitted to the elders). Because it was never reported to the police and there were no lasting marks I could not file for the change but they sure did and everyone listened (well everyone except the JWS)

gumby

Ya needing a hug, Gumby?

LT,

This is all still part of "my plan". I figure if we can find out ahead of time who needs huggin.......we can hug away in Dallas!

Actually, I came from an affectionate family. My aunts and grandma, both parents, and all my sisters are huggers. It's hard to hear of ones never having been told they were loved before.

Gumby

LittleToe

Six:There are lines, and that's far, faaarrrrr over one!!!!
LOL

Gumby:See, if only you'd PM about "the plan", I'd assist, instead of blowing it wide open all the time.

LT, of the "gonna hug everyone in sight, at the Fest" class

reboot

Great question......I've thought about this alot......I had no physical affection from my mother or father..but had love from my mother in ways I understood were all she could manage....but although my sister dosnt show affection, my brother and I are very huggable people....perhaps some people switch off when lack of affection occurs...and some switch on....I need to have affection all the time and feel lost without it-my children and my friends are all very huggable and we're comfortable showing affection with eachother-as I am with my brother-we walk around holding hands and cuddle alot because we feel happy when we're close and we tell eachother 'I love you' all the time..he's my greatest admirer and I'm his......I love him so much......

I don't know how we became so lovable after having been shown no love, phsycially, perhaps we're reacting to the lack in a positive way.. my sister on the other hand has shut down when affection's concerned....two possible reactions to one common situation...

my parents had childhoods which wer'nt demonstrative at all and were abusive,,,

I love my brother, my man, my children...... so I show them constant, unwavering, total, affection...but I switched off when I was around my parents..I did'nt like to be close to them, phsycially..it made me feel strange, awkward. and uncomfortable.I could'nt even speak to then without looking down...

So, perhaps the affection issue is dependant on the personality of the person who experiences the lack of affection and that explains whythe cycle is'nt a constant ?

Valis

Gumboot

Many people do not show affection- why is this?

Share this