Many people do not show affection- why is this? (page 2)

gumby

Steph,

When I would get angry at him, he would say it was because of the way he was bought up.

There is much truth in his words. The funny part is.......even though they KNOW this upbringing is wrong and hurtful, they act as they were taught. Why? Why don't they do the opposite?

People can act differently than their parents in other areas of life when they choose to........but in THIS particular area.........many cannot seem to rise above it. I realise some overcome this trait...........but for many.......they can't pull it off even when they WANT to.

Gumby

Stefanie

Hey, my mom never told me that she loved me, and I had no father figure either. In fact I would call her by her first name instead of mom! I have soo much love for my own children that I tell them ever 5 minutes. Big hugs and kisses. My now hubby shows more affection to my exs children than my ex ever did.

How Fing messed up is that?

SixofNine

Oh sure, you give 'em one hug, and before you know it they'll be wanting a back rub, or even a kiss. It's a slippery slope Gumb-sissy, and a man walks a fine line between Home Depot and Bath and Body Works, a line that one little namby pampy "tender" hug can destroy. Norwegian men are of good stock, and they know this.

stillajwexelder

No question culture is a problem -- in the midle east and the French also will kiss each other on both cheeks -- but with strong Anglo-Saxon- Scandinavian influence we tend to be more reserved -- the English are particularly bad - stiff upper lip and all that Old Boy - Mid West USA not too bad at showing affection

gumby

Hey, my mom never told me that she loved me, and I had no father figure either

I don't think one person on this planet, can relate to, the feeling a person goes through, that this situation Stephanie has just explained causes in people. How sad to have never been told by a parent that they love you! I suppose there are those who KNOW ther parents love them, and these ones KNOW why and can accept this downfall they have. Even if a person is this strong however, there is something still missing. It's like a parent telling their child they bought them a gift for being good........but they can never have it or even see it.

Sixer,

Your as soft as they come........ya big wimpy Teddybear! I hear you start crying after only one beer.

Gumby

Kenneson

Isn't it possible to tell people you love them, but not show it (for example, a wife beater who keeps telling his wife he is sorry and loves her, but keeps on being abusive)? Also, isn't it possible to show people you love them, but not tell them? Or, are both equally necessary?

gumby

No question culture is a problem -- in the midle east and the French also will kiss each other on both cheeks -- but with strong Anglo-Saxon- Scandinavian influence we tend to be more reserved -- the English are particularly bad - stiff upper lip and all that Old Boy - Mid West USA not too bad at showing affection

'No way hosea'. Your missing it. Gumby

Lady Lee

People don't like to be vulnerable. Some people think that by talking about ot expressing their feelings they become vulnerable - scared that people might use those feelings to hurt them.

Some seem to believe that letting someone know they care is like giving them a loaded gun that will later be used on them.

Some people think that feelings are "weak" and people should be strong and unemotional.

I think in part is the person's history (how they were raised and whether they have been hurt by others in the past). But it also goes to their beliefs about the expression of emotions.

Certainly all the "encouragement" as a JW to be "loving each other" is an illusion. JWs are programmed to perform. Truly loving each other and being caring and supportive are not really encouraged. It gets lip-service only.

Nosferatu

I can't stand affection from my parents. Affection from them has been used as a guilt trip, or used in a manipulative, controlling way. Also, I couldn't stand being touched by my mother, probably because touch was often used to inflict pain.

Rather than not enjoying touch, I looked for it from people who were no threat to me. Let's face it, who wants affection from someone who's threatening to them?

Corvin

Cuz we're Norweigan! haha!

That can't be true since I had a Norweigan neighbor, Robert, who became good friends with my wife and I, and he was always trying to show me affection.

I think it could be that fear of rejection is great among us. I think that pride comes into play and we never ever want to be seen as weak. I was just sent a wonderful pm from a member who feared expressing what they felt openly in public, and they gushed warmly to me and it felt good. I did not even check to see if they were a guy or a girl, because the words and gesture were so genuine and sweet that it did not matter. I accepted it without question, because it just felt good, and thanks to that member.

I don't know what it would be like if I could not hold my wife at least 10 times a day and tell her emphatically how much I love her. I can't stand the thought that one of my daughters are in the same room or the next room and they haven't been assured of my love. (We have a 10 hug a day policy in this house) I know that when we are watching a movie or something and my son comes over and sits next to me and leans on my shoulder, that he loves me, that is what he is comfortable with, although he hugs and says "I love you" less than anybody in the house.

Hugs and I love yous, when genuine, break down barriers.

Corvin

Many people do not show affection- why is this?

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