My wife is getting baptized on the 19th!

by Check_Your_Premises 111 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  hillbilly

  That is simple... over time her heart will come to belong to the organization more than you. She will become frustrated that you will not become a JW and will start to resent you. Once she reaches this point she will make your life a living hell hoping that you will leave her.

  "Been there, done that"~ Plus, my lovely JW Princess left her (our) son with me when she walked out and had little to no contact with him.

  She did manage to "escape" my inactive, "spiritually endagering" ass with the cash value of half the assets and 3 years worth of alimony. I am not DF or DA and she had no problem making a promisary note at 6% interest to settle the assets payment ( ahhh "brothers" and interest...isnt there a scripture about THAT too?)

  The local elders lied their asses off and aided and assisted this woman in walking away from 17 years of marriage and her child. She is still in GOOD standing!

  I hope your wife gets some sense before she takes the plunge. God Bless you if she does!

  ~Hill
• 

  willyloman

  if they get all spanish inquisition on her

  Good choice of words!

  How many years am I going to lose here?

  How many have you got? One is too many. Many of us on this forum have "lost" 10, 20, 30 years to this cult.
• 

  mkr32208

  Lots of scenarios that you could use have someone tell one of the witnesses in the hall that they saw her smoking or something I can personaly vouch for the sleeping around thing I wasn't sleeping around but even the slightest hint and they called it off and made me wait! Fooling around is the number one reason that people get df'ed so if theres any signs or signals they will call it off in advance!
• 

  Hondo

  I emphathise with you Check_Your_Premises, the exact same thing happened to me. In my situation (I was in Navy at the time, stationed overseas in Japan (my ex-wife is a Japanese National). Ship I was on was deployed, and kids in school) it was all a matter of timing. They (JW's) came, took her over, and destroyed my marriage, my family, and my life. She kept her entire involvement from me (I suspect she was advise by her bible teacher not to tell me of her JW involvement, or to tell her mother, father or sisters) until I confronted her after I found a couple of her Watchtower and awake magazines she had squirled away. This initial confrontation year was circa 1994 and everything went downhill from there. Although we were legally married, I felt as soon a she came under their control she divorced me. I was not the part of her life I had been; I simply became an object in her life. Me, our children, and our family became 8, 9, and 10 on her priority list of 10 most important things in her life. Meetings, bible study and selling magazines took the place of us going out to dinner, or attending some other function. It was dismal, from my perspective. Nothing I said could convince her that she was headed down the wrong path. I, unfortunately, became very angry with her, which just reenforced her intensity within the JW's. She was baptized in 98 or 99, not sure, again she did not tell me, nor would I have been able to do anything anyway. Divorce was eventually granted in 2003, and although it was something she, as a JW, was not permitted to request, was elated when it was granted. I did all the paperwork, but only did it because she wanted it. I'm not sure I could have gone through the rest of me life (we were married for 20 years) dividing my time, and life, between a cult and my life in the normal, sane, world. I sometime look back a few years and think that I should hung in there and tried to get help for her.

  Story of my life. Hope everything works out ok for you.
• 

  Check_Your_Premises

  That is rough man. I do hate the way I feel like they are always there when I am at work, talking me down, and minimizing the things I say.

  I couldn't imagine the feeling of helplessness you must have had being on a float!
• 

  calamityjane

  I do hate the way I feel like they are always there when I am at work, talking me down, and minimizing the things I say

  Check_your_premises, that just gets my blood boiling, that's exactly the way they work, behind your back. They are a bunch of lying snakes in the grass.

  cj
• 

  Check_Your_Premises

  Calamity,

  Yeah I have started to get her non-jw family involved. Her brother said he felt bad, like he was going behind her back. I told him, don't, cuz believe me they go behind mine to undermine everything I do in my family.

  MDP
• 

  calamityjane

  That's great that your getting her non-jw family involved. The more power you have to keep her from doing the plunge. I'm sure if her family knew what was involved, they would have been more vocal before she got involved with the jw's. Does she come from a big family?

  is she close to them?

  will she miss them when she has to limit her association with them? Eventually she'll be made to feel guilty associating with them. She'll even go so far as to try and indoctrinate them with her beliefs.

  No more family socializing for her, Christmas, Thanksgiving, etc.

  cj
• 

  calamityjane

  Let me put it this way. The light came on for me in a different perspective. From your children's eyes.
  

  I was raised as a jw. My jw mom married my non-jw Dad (I always tried to use that tactic when I wanted to date a non-jw guy, didn't work) anyway. Eventually my mom converted him to jwsm. From a very young age, I could see that my mom wore the pants in the family, always prodding and pushing my Dad to become elder. Reach out for more privileges, blah blah blah.

  Now comes my Dad's family, he obviously had a close relationship with his siblings, he had an extended family of aunts, uncles and cousins, who I thought were the greatest people, but he was limited in this association. Why, because if he did associate with them, it was hell to pay with my mom. The fights they would have, and the looks she would give him.

  My Dad's brother lived out of town, so when they came to visit us, my Dad would want them to stay with us, but because of my mom's venomous hatred for "wordly" and I say venomous, because I could see it in her eyes. It took a toll on my Dad, the stress prior to a visit would be unbearable, you could feel the tension in the house. Eventually I guess my Dad had enough and he finally relinquished the fact that they could stay with us and had them stay with other relatives.

  I remember one day as a rebellious teenager, my Uncle and Aunt were due to come over for a visit and I saw the usual tension and fighting between my parents, that I said to my mom " Ya know if this is what this religion is all about, I don't want it!.

  To make a long story short, this Religion deprived me of my extended non-jw family. I never was able to cultivate a relationship with my aunts, uncles and cousins. Now that I have left this organization I long for my cousin's to be in my life. We had great times as kids, but that was stripped from me at a very young age. In turn my kids have been deprived, because my cousins would probably have kids which in turn my kids would have cousins. But my kids don't have an extended family either. So it goes on down the line.

  I think of them at Christmas time, how maybe I could have a huge x-mas dinner with a houseful of my family, that day only consists of the four us.

  Sorry for the rambling.

  I hope this helps you.

  cj
• 

  rebel8

  cj, I too am the product of a jw mother and a non-jw dad. Although I've done everything humanly possible as an adult to try to mend the fences with my immediate and extended family, much of the damage is deep and permanent.

  CYP, I know this sounds gloomy, but I do think these stories can give you a realistic expectation about what you're in for. Being in a "mixed marriage", as the dubs call it, is harder on families than anyone could possibly explain.

  You've received a lot of advice and wisdom in this thread. One of the best tips I read was to try to delay your wife's baptism...if she doesn't agree to delay it, to give an anonymous tip. I know it sounds mean and wacky, but the suggestion is valid. It might be the only thing that would work--the only way to save her from a cult and a life of heartache. (I would suggest the alternative of sending an anonymous letter to the attention of the elders, rather than a phone call. You never know who you're talking to on the phone, and it's harder to ignore a letter.)

  Your wife would be subjected to a Judicial Committee. Believe me, they are soooo bizarre. Just being in a JC might open her eyes. Also, if your wife denies the 'wrongdoing', they may very well conclude that she isn't 'repentant' and mark her for shunning. As painful as that would be at the time, it would probably be the best thing for her in the long run.