Parent sleeping with teenagers (page 8)

lurking1

To Sara Anne and Lady Lee---- Your thoughtful comments reached me at core level...thank you for your kindness.

Big Tex

Howdy lurking!

I'm glad you took the plunge. Was it as hard as you thought?

My last therpist once told me that something, almost magical happens when we say out loud what happened to us. It's as if you can actually hear the rules of silence breaking. I think too that even more rules are broken when you hear that you're not alone; that others not only have experienced something similar but understand. And it's okay.

Please know that her behavior was about her, not you. It's not your fault, and I hope you can tell that to the 15 year old boy you once were. You didn't ask for it, nor did you want that behavior. That your body reacted the way it did was a physical reaction. It is no different than the knee jerking when the doctor hits the nerve. Your body is made to respond to certain stimuli. I know that you might understand this logically, in your head, but sometimes the gut feels differently. I know I did.

I do want to echo what LL said. "Victims No Longer" is a book aimed specifically at male survivors of abuse. It came out while I was in therapy years ago and it was like an oasis in the desert to me. I read and re-read 3 or 4 times. It offers insight into the male perspective and addresses specific issues men have in recovering.

It takes a helluva lot of guts to step forward. Welcome to a larger world.

Be well,

Chris

LyinEyes

Lady Lee wrote:

Add to that was her need to have me take care of her kids, do her shopping, clean her house, wash her clothes, do the ironing, cook her meals... I knew my job in that house and was never to get my needs taken care of. This is all part of emotional abuse.

It took me many years to understand that one of the things my Mother did to me was emotional abuse,,, the same things as mentioned above.

I always felt so creepy, when I had to go with my Dad to do the things that my Mother should have be doing . I was the subsitute Mom and I grew in my later teen years to resent her so much for it.

There are still many issues that I am dealing with that happened in my family, things that are still coming to the surface like little shards of glass a person digs out of their skin after having a really bad car wreck. Over time these feelings come to the surface and they make me feel physically sick. Even now reading this I am burning up , fushed and my vision is blurry.........weird how our bodies react to remembering things huh? But ya know, I just breathe and walk thru it, and listening to everyone eles's stories, thoughts and feelings really does help .

Growing up, so many of us kept secrets of abuse from all of our friends , alot of other people in fact and it is liberating to be able to share , finally these feelings .

Hugs to all, and this is coming from a kid who couldnt stand to be touched, not even a hug!!love ya , Dede

lurking1

I've been following your comments from the start. Big Tex, I told my dad earlier you seem to have a heart that matches your name...Thanks 4 all.

lurking1

Lyin eyes, Your courage is both impressive & catching, thanks 4 sharing

lurking1

Hello Sphere, I was sorry to hear you went thru a similar midnight flight unclothed. That alone can be pretty demeaning but it also takes some inner strength to do doesn't it? Sometimes when I watch the news or hear the stories of others I count myself lucky because I know some have had it far worse. What blows my mind is that gov. run social services and law enforcement agencies seem to be more enlightened than people who claim to get their enlightenment directly from God or His organization. It speaks volumes when a person can go to their local government and get more help then the Elders would give.

EvilForce

Thanks for sharing your story. Had you originally shared your story I would have been more supportive. When it's a clinical experience it's easy to muse aloud on the opposing viewpoint. When it is someone's own words quite the opposite I must say.
This thread was meant as a trial balloon. You got to see people's reactions. Mine included. Those of us who have not had any first hand experience with abuse see it through our own non-abuse eyes. The abuse problem is rather staggering....at least from what I have seen here at JWD. Perhaps it's too easily dismissed as something too vile to think to be that common.
But also, I don't think you would have had near, or any, opposing viewpoints if you had started the thread with your own first hand experience. I am glad you screwed up the courage to post. Welcome.... and as I said before I apologize if any of my words caused you ill will. My bad. Hope to see many more posts from you.

Respectfully,
EvilForce

gespro

Hello and Welcome Lurking1!!!!

I'm so glad you're here. This thread has put me in a bad way ever since it was started but now with all of the great comments it seems to be turning into a healing thread and now you have come forward inspite of those who would use the internet motto: get over it.

Healing and recovery is a process that these people aren't aware of...yet.

I'm so sorry about the things you [as well as others] have gone through. No, you're not alone.

gespro

lurking1

Hello Evilforce, no harm done as far as I’m concerned. You’re absolutely correct about not being given the full or clear picture to begin with. From that standpoint alone it would be silly of me to harbor any hard feelings towards anyone. Certainly no misrepresentation of the facts was intended when this whole posting thing began. Unfortunately, it ended up being a little like the game “whisper down the alley”. I told dad (and I didn’t make myself very clear with him) and then dad told our dear friend fatfreek who posted things just the way he heard them. All of this telling of the account was done with my consent but obviously it failed to accurately reflect the facts. It then took me days of soul searching to work up the courage (even though I knew I would have anonymity) to step forward with the facts in my own words. Heck, it wasn’t that long ago I told dad for the first time! It’s hard to articulate but it was something I finally had to get it off my back. I’m sharing this now for the first time in 20+ yrs. I never trusted people enough to share the information because I’ve been so afraid of what their reactions might be. Yep, I was afraid of what people would think if I told. As I said, I’ve heard of much worse happening to others but this was MY “dirty little secret”. Brother, I owned it and what a weight around my neck it was! I’ve had to fight back the tears as I’ve read the responses to my original post. Not because it caused me any pain but because it’s what I’ve needed to hear for so long. The benefit of opening up and the loving support from total strangers has been overwhelming. I can’t thank you enough for your last comment Evilforce. You’ve all done me a world of good, Thank you.

lurking1

Many thanks for sharing gespro I couldn't agree more.

Parent sleeping with teenagers

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