Posts by PoppyR

41

How many happy JW marriages do you know of?

by Bonnie_Clyde in

just reading frequent flyer miles on the subject of feeling guilty for having a happy marriage with a non-jw.. in our congregation which i haven't attended for about a year, i can only think of two or three who seem to be happy.

of course, i don't know what happens behind closed doors, but i know of several who admit they are unhappy.

i wrote out a long list of couples who have divorced over the last 20 years--including three elders (one is on his second divorce).

PoppyR

I personally feel the JWS are no better and no worse than others, I've known some very happy marraiges, certainly pressured by all the extra work and responsibility of the borg, however, if a couple did put into practice a lot of the bible advice they wouldn't go far wrong would they?

Before you flame me, I am divorced and also feel a couple can be happily married without bible advice, but sometimes I miss the morals of my old group of witness friends, and find I dont trust so easily. Not saying witnesses cant commit adultery and be as immoral as the next person but in my heart I still feel the majority tried very hard not to.

In my family of 4 well brought up goody two shoes witnesses, all pioneers, two divorces out of three marraiges.

Poppy

23

is being in love with your spouse a decision or an emotion? when to divorc

by sosad in

jw
friends

i would like some advice from any of you that have been there - a good friend of mine had an affair years ago, ended up working with the same guy and is now in love with her boyfriend instead of her husband ( several kids involved) the affair is now not a physical one but there is no doubt they are dating.

i wish i was unaware but i am - she says she has picked her family over the boyfriend but he is like a bumble bee around her- walking her dog past her house etc the boyfriend is older, married and has always been a tomcat - now he is truly in love and will wait.

i have told her it is going to blow up - and i know it is her deal to figure out - but i am from the happily married class and am at a loss.

PoppyR

I think being and staying in love with your spouse are both decisions and emotions. Certainly all marraiges will go through tough patches, and remembering why you loved someone and married them in the first place and putting the work in can bring great joy and love back.

This does however take a lot more effort than thinking the new and more exciting model is going to be the one for you! And with children involved you do have to think about their happiness. You may have to weigh up the pros of being with the right person, against the cons of all the difficulties involved with step children, custody and long term effects.

I can say all of this with first hand experience. I got married young and virginal and to my first proper boyfriend. Yes I loved him, still do actually, but it was just not right between us, we were like brother and sister, and I cant imagine any amount of work, or counselling or hypnotherapy bringing the passion back.

However I would say for your friend that she will never be able to make a proper go of her marraige while the boyfriend is on the scene, she needs to cut that out of her life and concentrate on what's important. Otherwise the decision may be made for her.

Poppy

33

Why do witnesses intentionally avoid having kids?

by NotaNess in

jw
friends

1) don't want to deal with it at meetings is what i think would be on the top of the list.they see what others have to go through.. 2) i know a married couple jws, that are avoiding having kids, and i've heard of reasons from them like.... "don't want to raise them up in this system".

"time is too short".

"i'll wait until the next system of things".

PoppyR

I think it's very much still an issue. My brother and his wife put off having kids because of the nearness of the end! They have now just had their first one aged 40 and 39. She is much adored, but it pains me that they missed out on having a family while young. My older sister has never had children deciding to put the kingdom first and wait for the paradise, and it is NOT an excuse, she desperately wants them.

I dont think having children is frowned on now as it was at one time, but certainly NOT having them is counted as being better.

When I had mine (early 90s) some people commented that I would have to carry them through the tribulation and how would I feel to watch them being tortured etc... Cheery thoughts.

Recently close to us there was a couple who had pioneered since marraige, he was being groomed for CO, they window cleaned and owned nothing. He was killed by a drunk driver. She is now 45, has no job, no house, and no children, no education and no work experience, That really does hurt me. I know she will be 'looked after' by the cong, but when we know they gave it up for a cult.

Poppy

32

"I'm going to Tar and Feather you two"

by whyamihere in

jw
friends

i swear to god, i've gone absolutely insane!.

my kids!

will the fighting stop?

PoppyR

I have two boys 13 and 12, They fight over everything. Sometimes coming to blows. I have tried just about every trick in the book, often wanting to cry myself, because nothing makes any difference (yes single parent!)

When I re-read how to make friends and influence people I tried to think what would make them WANT to stop. And have some success with rewarding the one who was willing to stop first. I ask one of them to 'Be the better person' and if I can get one to stop responding to the other, the argument is over and I make a fuss and try and reward that one. Next time the other one wants to be the better person.

Occasionally it works!

Poppy

33

X-Wife Got Married Yesterday........Our Son is Shunned Today!

by new boy in

my wife left me 5 years ago when i left the jehovah's witnesses.

she got remarried saturday to one of "our" old jehovah's witness friends jay .

jay's wife, judy died 6 months ago of cancer.

PoppyR

I sympathise New boy.. and as many have said, most on this board have experienced this kind of double standards.

My own brother gets married in July, and I have been invited (fader) but I cannot take my other half because although I am divorced my ex is playing the martyr and it is not acknowledged to be scriptural. The family do not want to be seen as encouraging me!!

All this while I have to sit on a table with my step brother, who was raised a witness but never baptised and can attend with his live in girlfriend and children.

My initial feeling was to not attend, I am so sick of them not acknowledging my 'new' relationship. But I feel the drip drip approach is best. I love my family and the only way they will turn to me in time of doubt is if I keep contact.

Take comfort in the fact you have your children out!

Poppy

22

Come, worship a god who wants parents to stone their children to death!

by jambon1 in

no thanks.. disgusting!.

PoppyR

Years ago, my parents told me that it would be easier for them if I had died!!
Can't ya feel the love?!
shell

My mum told me she feels I have a terminal disease, she knows I'm going to die,therefore what is the point in being close to me.. So I feel your pain! All we can do is 'be the better person' and hopefully wait long enough so they may see the light, probably not, but we'll be here if and when they do. Poppy

60

Does The Memorial Mean ANYTHING To You???

by minimus in

jw
friends

just wondering.

PoppyR

This is my first ever memorial in 38 years (I'm 38!) that I'm not going to. Although I had stopped attending 6 months before last year, I still went mostly to please the family, this year I think my 'apostate' views have got around because nobody even mentioned it. I logged on here to find the date.. lol.

I keep examining my feelings to see if there is anything momentous.. but absolutely nothing, except a huge sense of relief I dont have to sit through that hypocritical crap anymore.

For those that still have faith and feel they must attend, I'm astounded you choose the JW memorial as it has nothing to do with Jesus, I'd rather be a Catholic nowadays!

Poppy

38

When is a fade finished?

by Nellie in

so i was thinking - if i don't da myself and they don't df me, am i doomed forever to this limbo called "fade?

" when do i stop worrying about "what if they find out?

" when will they (if they saw me) just think of me as someone they knew, rather than "one of their flock" - even when they know i'm inactive?

PoppyR

I can see the upside to DAing - just knowing that it's over - maybe it's a female thing - needing closure.

I hear you sister I feel I am almost there with the fade (about a year) but have still not put up Christmas lights etc. I think there is a certain freedom to the DA. Recently I thought I may be DFd, but it seems the elders have decided to let it go. I have a large extended witness family, but was almost disappointed that at last it would be OVER!

But I am very interested to read about your son.. did they believe what they had been taught, and if so how did they deal with your leaving the borg? I have boys (pre-teen) one who utterly believes the JW thing and gets upset if I try and reason with him, guess I did a really good job on him What is your experience? Or anybody elses!

Poppy

50

I Saw Some JWs Last Night & They Gave Me The Cold Shoulder Like I Was Df'd

by minimus in

jw
friends

i saw him, his wife and kids coming from a basketball game, going on the train.

he looked right at me, i said, "hi!

" and he put his eyes and head downward as if he couldn't say hello.

PoppyR

I think you're getting a hard time and I cant quite understand why Minumus! Whatever his reasons for doing so, this good JW should not have shunned you, and you were merely passing comment not getting on your high horse about it.

However I have found that of the ones that have shunned me (I am not DFed or DAd) they are usually ones who feel a great injustice. They have had ones disfellowshipped in their family or whatever and see I should be getting the same treatment. I dont really blame them, and feel as you do, I dont care much either. I just give a wry smile and carry on with what I was doing, trying to look as happy as possible while doing it.

Poppy

22

OMG - I Did It ! I Really, Really, Did It !

by Nellie in

i bought a christmas tree!!

the kids kept asking me, "are we celebrating xmas this year?

" they asked the same thing last year.

PoppyR

We kept Christmas hidden away in our bedroom

How sad is this, I have to say that's what I've done! I started off with a lovely gift of Christmas baubles shaped like shiny boots, and before you know it, I'd bought some more, some tinsel.. and eventually some twinkly lights. All of this is hidden in my bedroom and I even went outside to make sure you cant see the lights through my curtains.

Last year I was very careful of my kids feelings, this year I've decided to be more honest and put up my cards etc. And they have loved it, my oldest son came in and asked if he could 'borrow' the lights after Christmas, and wanted me to reassure him this was ok.(still going to the meetings) . My b/f laughed and said JWs the only religion where twinkly lights are up all year round and taken down for Christmas...

Congratulations on the tree, I hope to be there one year!

Poppy