Feeling balanced again, thankyou!Had a hot bath, and an arguement with the cruel god of the JW's in my mind last night.. told him off.. (and I don't even believe in a god) but it felt good!
LTF
LearningToFly
JoinedPosts by LearningToFly
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11
Feelings
by LearningToFly ini feel the need to share how i am feeling at this very moment.
sad, so sad ( i have a huge lump in my throat that won't go away) for all the pain suffered by so many here, myself included.
you are all such lovely people, strong, honest and real.
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11
Feelings
by LearningToFly ini feel the need to share how i am feeling at this very moment.
sad, so sad ( i have a huge lump in my throat that won't go away) for all the pain suffered by so many here, myself included.
you are all such lovely people, strong, honest and real.
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LearningToFly
I feel the need to share how I am feeling at this very moment. Sad, so sad ( I have a huge lump in my throat that won't go away) for all the pain suffered by so many here, myself included. I am sure a good sleep will help balance out my emotions, my heart truly aches for everyone at this moment.
You are all such lovely people, strong, honest and real. I am honored to be amongst you!
(tucking myself in now) till tomorrow
LTF
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I hugged my dad tonight...
by memario in..... for the first time i can remember doing.
i posted in "my story" that my dad had never hugged me.
when i really thought about it i decided it was time to do something about that.. we went for supper at my parents tonight.
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LearningToFly
((((Memario)))) The emotions you expressed in your post touched my heart Good for you for taking the first step to embrace your father! At times like this I wish I could say I will pray for your success, but I dont pray .. please accept my deepest wishes for you to deepen the relationship between you and your father/family.
LTF
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The Sh** has hit the fan.....
by ex-nj-jw inmom called me, she got my letter.
yeah you guessed it, i am the devil himself.
she told me to never again speak to her, because i'm evil and satan has taken over my mind, body and any common sense she ever gave me .
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LearningToFly
((((xjnw)))) So sorry you had to go through that, no matter how crazy it is, it still hurts. You were very brave and confident in who you are to send the letter to your mom, already knowing what you would likely expect back. I am so happy you have your dad on your side, perhaps in time he can change your moms mind.
Be strong, you know you are not anything she said to you.
I have a wacked out family too.. with limited contact.. and I am not brave enough yet to send them such a letter. I know what I will get back.. so I truly applaud you for your determination to be who you are.
Once again.. so sorry to hear your news..
LTF
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Describe Your Feelings When You KNEW It Wasn't The "Truth" After All
by minimus inwhen it finally registered that you did not really have the "truth" after all, what went thru your mind?
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when things "clicked", what was your emotional state and what did you about it?.
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LearningToFly
Anger, stupidity, regret, sadness.
I was incredibly angry that I had wasted years of life after leaving feeling as though there was something terribly wrong with me, as I had been led to believe.
Stupid, ooooh so stupid, I felt like a fool. One thing I hate so much is to be misled, and be foolish enough to believe.
I quoted this to myself often: "Fool me once, shame on You; But fool me twice shame on Me" (kicked myself around for awhile with this one)
Regret: Regret for the years I wasted emotionally suffering.
Sadness: Sadness over loss.. just a human emotion.
And finally more recently "relief" "justified" & "FREE"
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What is your heritage?
by greendawn inso what is it?
i say mine is english with an admixture of german (before the nazis ever existed, no need to go on about that) northern french and italian from venice.
i look northern european and feel close to that part of the world with family tradition being roman catholic.
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LearningToFly
Major combo here:
Grandmother Dutch (came to Canada as War bride) - Grandfather Scottish Metis (Moms heritage)
Grandmother German - Grandfather French/Metis (Dads heritage)
French and Scottish lineage has been traced back to the 1600's in both France(Toulouse) and Scotland(Orkney Isles)
Dutch(Rotterdam) family tree still being worked on
German, no family tree traced
Metis is a mixture of Cree and other ethnicity (Scottish and French) Unions quite far back...late 1600's
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LOL under control
by Lady Lee ini grew up in a home where lol was dangerous.
i had three younger brothers and we all slept in the same room.
most mornings we were locked in the room until my mother or father woke up.. now 4 kids under the age of 8 in one room is a disaster in the making.
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LearningToFly
LadyLee thank you for sharing your story
I relate to your definition of home being dangerous, and am so pleased you learned to live after.
And most importantly.. to feel and "laugh"! I also had to learn this many years later, and lol, now I laugh so spontaneously that there are times I horrify my daughter when a little "snort" jumps into my laughter (lol)
Thank you
LTF
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has any1 been left with other issues(alchohol,drugs etc)as a result of life
by xnmad ini,m not making xcuses for the way ive lived my life, but have sunk myself into "the pleasures of this world"quite wholeheartedly.
mostly to escape my own demons, ironicaly due to serving god!just wondered if any of u guys went completely off the rails when u left n indulged in "unwholesome activies" like me.or maybe its jus me that ended up completely f**d up?
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LearningToFly
(((hugs))) xnmad
You are not the only one who turned to substances to survive, I do hope though at this time if you are indulging in substances to survive you will find a way out. There are many avenues out there to do so, you only have to chose one..
When I was disassociated at age 16, I was devestated beyond belief. My heart was mortally wounded! I had already left home due to bad circumstances and had tried to commit suicide, but failed, which I am forever grateful for.
From the age of 16 (nearly 17) to almost 19 I indulged in a lifestyle that should have destroyed me or killed me, but it didnt. Although I did not die with the attempted suicide, my soul truly wished to die due to the intense overwhelming pain I carried within me for the loss of everything I knew. The life I led for two years was one of self destruction, starting from basic pot smoking, heavy drinking and clubbing, to heavier drugs like cocaine.
Shortly before I turned 19, I woke up, I really can't say what it was that triggered me to wake up, but I knew that the life I was living was not for me. It was not me. I saw the pain and suffering of those around me so clearly, and I knew that I needed to run from this self destructive path.
Sadly the only way I knew of at that time to stop this destructive path was to return to the organization. I moved back home, (blocked off the past) was reunited with my family, stopped smoking, doing drugs and drinking all within a week, and returned to the organization.
I lasted a year after returning before I walked away without looking back for the last time. An experience left me completely disillusioned, I could no longer morally involve myself with this religion any longer, so I left. (Looking back now at this moment in time, perhaps it was the step needed to help me move on in life.)
Fortunately for me, and again I don't know why, perhaps it was having already experienced the lost life of drugs and alcohol, I never did return to that way of coping. I became a complete health fanatic, and lived a drug free life. I did though live many years, lost and confused, and still carried overwhelming pain for the loss of my family. Although I wasnt officially disassociated or disfellowshiped upon my last departure, my family due to the reasons I left, did turn their backs on me again.
What I turned to at this time, instead of drugs and alcohol was counselling to deal with my unresolved issues. The journey from then to now has been a long journey, but could not have been survived mentally clear without seeking out a counselor to help me through it. I so much wish that at the beginning of this journey I had found a group of people like I have found within this forum, this would have escalated the healing of my soul much faster.
So many people along this journey told me not to allow my past to control me and continue to hurt me. Although it took a long time to take control of my life, and live for me, this was the one message that stuck in my brain and drove me forward to fight the past.
I urge you whole heartedly to spend time here and seek out support to help you move forward to a life you truly deserve. Because no matter what your mind says, no matter what the past says, you deserve to live free from the pain you feel caused by this organization.
Warm hugs to you xnmad, thank you for sharing (stay strong)
LTF
p.s. I need to share at this time in my life I do enjoy a little wine now and then, and even less occasionally a little happy smoke, I need to be honest about that, but now it is not for survival, it is simply a social moment.
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Playing in the snow in august.
by BrentR inme, the wife and daughter took off this morning to climb up one of the volcanic spurs of mt rainier.
we started out at sunrise elev 6400 feet.
the weather was not perfect but there was no rain.
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LearningToFly
What beautiful photos Brent, and what a lovely day you all had together. Your day in the mountains is my kind of fun!
I haven't been to Mt Ranier, but I had the beautiful experience of travelling through the glacier fields in Alaska.. the beauty of it all was absolutely breathtaking..
Thank you so much for sharing your lovely day...
LTF
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Declaring JW's a cult to co-workers
by OnTheWayOut ini am in a unique work situation which i won't describe because i am a fader.. let's just say that it's like vegas.
what happens (or is said) at work stays at work.. we are a fairly tight bunch.
some of my closest co-workers know my situation.
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LearningToFly
Big smile here ((((()))))
My day is made as well... thank you OTWO
LTF