Everywhere we went everyone had something negative to say. Very few upbuilding people. Of course every minute had to be monitored with a chaperone. These became harder and harder to find to the point that some began demanding we pay their bill if we went out to dinner. Its amazing how even the WT only says you need a chaperone only if you are going to be in private but noooo everyone else feels you need one even if you are at the a$$embly, convention, zoo, park, restaurant, movies, anywhere! We got to the point we just started going to breakfast or lunch without telling anyone.
This was my experience, too. Nothing but negativity and me getting slammed with gossip. Even my own brother just saying he didn't think my then girlfriend (now wife) was all that attractive! As if that had anything to do with anything, given that (1) I found her attractive, and (2) shut up, she's not your girl, you won't have to wake up next to her, if that's what you're worried about!
Actually I hadn't thought about how potentially burdensome this could become on chaperones if they have to deal with paying a restaurant bill or something every time you go out on a date. But the funny thing was, I didn't even have a car, so all our dates were on public transportation. The one time we were alone for two hours and didn't do anything but hold hands and watch TV, we both got called into the back room by the elders for it. And it's like, the only person who even knew about that was, who, a non-JW daughter of the JW my then girlfriend was staying with? So who ratted us out? And why?
(Not to mention that if a non-JW was to accompany you on your date, that couldn't count as a chaperone, since obviously they've got their digital camera and we're all going to make a porno, right?)
And that's where your point really drives it home...
The irony of it all is that my then girlfriend/fiance both had vehicles and could meet up anywhere we wanted to fornicate if thats what we wanted!
The chaperone system falls apart when you realize this glaring problem: people can meet up at anytime and do whatever they want, if they really want to do it. It is ultimately going to be your personal desire to wait until marriage that will result in success or failure in that regard. If you don't want to, you're not going to.
For me, all the negativity did not give me any desire to invite a chaperone along. I mean, who wants to surround themselves with people who are hellbent on making sure the relationship can never work? (No offense to the naysayers about my marriage, since, well, that's another ball o' wax, there.) So I just kept on meeting my girl in public places to keep things simple and keep the fuzz off our backs. We went to see 'The Incredibles' like three times for lack of better ideas...
And yeah, any expression of affection--or even no display at all--was met with all this controversy! When we first started dating, my wife and I spent our lunch break at the assembly together, just walking around, minding our own business. I even took a picture of her that day. But my God, what a firestorm that ignited! Everyone was already planning the marriage and/or its disaster from that day on. All the pressure got to her first and she dumped me, and odds are, we might've had a better shot at it if things hadn't gotten so screwed up at that point. I may be wrong, but I already know that...
she said how great the movie looked and its too bad its rated R! I just felt like telling her to SNAP OUT OF IT! YOU ARE ALMOST 30! yOU ARE AN ADULD AND CAN WATCH WHATEVER YOU WANT!!
Ha! I still have to tell myself that sometimes, the guilt is still strong... I can't handle R-rated violence for the most part, but I do love a good R-rated drama or a smart enough R-rated romantic comedy or something. It's just with small children around so much I have to keep it to a minimum. I usually just wait till they're at the meetings so I don't get any complaints from the Mrs. about it. Speaking of that, you just reminded me that I need to make a list of R-rated stuff I want to check out.
Anyway, I like your rant. I totally relate.
--sd-7