i was driving in my car this morning, listening to the radio and i heard a song that i remember hearing when i was younger.
this song really bothered me when i heard it back then.
it made me mad that someone would say these things about god.....when i heard it today, although i liked to believe in a god, i actually agreed in many ways with the lyrics describing the biblical god.
Sometimes we get so busy trying to figure out why we're "here" and the "purpose for life", that we sorrowfully neglect to "live our precious life". We are like in this holding pattern--waiting, wondering, so unsettled and unhappy. Eventually that crushes us and compounds anxiety, until we are forced to be different.
This realization of "loss of cognitive belief structure" is truly sad and can be emotionally crushing--and that is what caused me to finally get off that merry-go-round.
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these pictures might take a while to upload the whole bundle to here, there be quite a few of them.
so i'll do as many as possible on the first posting box, then the rest will appear in multiples underneath.
therefore, if you wish to see all of them, you might need to come back to view them more than once or twice, if you get my drift.
something disconcerting i have noticed about most people is how unhappy they allow themselves to become.
so many people qualify their enjoyment.
"i will be happy when", or if this happens then i will be happy!
Maybe we learned this type of behavior as a JW--perhaps even prior. I had a dream recently about this great big airplane, and all the witnesses were on board. They kept up in the air in a "holding pattern", waiting for the perfect landing field and perfect weather. And it never came. Most of them seemed happy to stay in this "holding pattern"--on edge, waiting and waiting. Others were frightened and were sorry they were on board. Some just wanted to close their eyes and use their ear plugs.
The plane eventually ran out of fuel and fell to the earth. Everyone was killed, except one elderly lady, who miraculously survived. When they rescued her, she kept asking over and over again, "is this the new world?".....
Many people live life in a "holding pattern"....not just JW's for sure. The more people who are together as a unit, the more secure they feel. Still, the outcome is the same for all.
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i have been remiss in posting any updates on my home situation, with my husbands health issues.
and now, another stressful event has occured, and our beloved "ginger" (three year old cat) will be put to sleep on the 29th.. hubby has been undergoing test after test, and meanwhile has been admitted to the hospital here twice.
the first time was related to the growth in his chest and his ventral hernia; the second time was due to a seriously infected cat bite.
It is done.......
Goodbye "Ginger".....We will miss the way you were when we first brought you home with us in Nov. of '01. This scraggly little female Tortie kitten, tiny and sick. We took really good care of you for over three years. We loved you as much as you would let us. We had you spayed because that is what the animal shelter required of us, as responsible pet owners. We didn't realize that it would change you forever, and that you would become so unfriendly and mean. We had to let you go; we really had no other choice.
Rest in Peace "Ginger" 7/1/01 - 2/29/04
well, i just saw the movie yesterday and i'll tell ya something.
considering the reviews about how moving this movie had been for so many people, i secretly was hoping that seeing this movie might help me with my current state of disbelief and apathy about the person of jesus.
but sadly it had only the opposite effect.
In my opinion, Jesus lived a human life, but his level of existance had been manifested to a higher level, just like many other humans who knew/know how to draw power from the "source". He was simply trying to help mankind and to show them another way, a way away from "man" and "religion". He was trying to show how we can all draw from the "source" of all life, and that we are on a journey, from which there are many "resurrections" of our soul, until we finally are able to return back to our home in the universe. The Jews tried to make him fulfil "their own prophecies", and he was manipulated and perhaps even confused with being on such a higher plane, but living on earth among men who had such a long way to go.
This can get very complicated, but essentially, he lived his life in a way that would show that even facing our worse death in this human life, our soul will live again. But he was misunderstood. His followers had never heard these teachings before, and during the time they walked with him, they were in awe of him, but still didn't fully comprehend his very simple teachings, of love and compassion.
Mankind has a way of warping truth and facts, into their idealogy that has spanned a very long time. These are more like "traditional teachings", passed to us through the works of biblia and word of mouth. I cannot read the bible as being "god's word". It is man's idea of what god is. I do believe that among the words, there is truth. Perhaps the quotations for Jesus's words are accurate. How are we to know this? What power has the bible really presented to mankind? It has divided people, caused wars, and is filled with the human escapades of our ancestors.
The important thing is to live now. To live good by making good choices. To seek connection with the "source" of all things, and learn how to love ourselves first, so that we can show love and compassion to ourselves first, and then to others. If we don't know ourselves, how can we love ourselves? This is not an easy journey for a human to make, and our souls are all on different places on the path.
If we can just learn to let go of dogma, and open our minds and hearts to goodness and love, then I believe it will be for us, just as Jesus purposed--that we will be spiritually fulfilled and live this human life with true joy of heart.
I'd probably enjoy the movie, but just for the sake of it being "just a movie". There is so much about the life of Jesus that we don't know--so much left out, that having someone tell me that this is the most accurate story of Jesus life and death in those final hours, is just another form of progressive dogma. Look how the masses of people are falling for this. Not me.
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my roommate brought home this new ice cream last night, dreyers no sugar added, fat free chocolate fudge sweetened with splenda.
i was intrigued.
chocolate ice cream with no fat and low cal, how good could this taste?
I use Splenda in everything for three to four years now, and have not had any such problem. Any type of dairy product will cause this reaction if there is some intolerance going on in your system, and ice cream would top that list. Also combined with something else you ate during the day, could cause that as well.
I haven't tried this new brand of ice-cream though. It's been a slow process to get the companies to move from the dangerous "aspartame" to the healthy "Splenda", and I usually just use it in ice tea, hot drinks and cooking. Many of the cold drinks on the shelf with Splenda have an after-taste....so I'm thinking they added something else, and it just doesn't taste good. I hope they improve the products because it is definitely much healthier. Equal contains aspartame, and so do many foods and drinks. I had to give up my favorite "diet pepsi" for that very reason.
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you know the drill...... knock at the door...... i was expecting the engineer from hoover who was coming to fix my washing machine today, instead the second i opened the door, i somehow knew it wasn't him.
a young couple, pleasent looking and genuinely nice began the spill i have done so many times, and yet rather than say something, i just sort of froze, and went into the interested householder role.
i felt like i was in the tms again on the stage doing a presentation.
Scooby, its natural to react that way when we're caught off-guard. No wonder you were basically silent and didn't say too much to them. I probably would have done the same. Hey, I was so paranoid in those days, that I'd make certain who was at the door, and if I didn't know them, I simply wouldn't answer the door. Then I began to get braver and I'd answer the door, and then I'd tell them that I used to be a JW. They'd want to know what that meant, was I disfellowshipped. When I told them no, they seemed relieved.
More recently--well about two years ago--there was the nicest JW lady who came to the door, and I was just my happy self, and she was going on and on about the end of the world, etc., and I said a couple things that blew her away. She said she'd been having doubts of her own and would love to come back to talk to me about how "I managed to be so at peace". She never did. Another time, it was an adult and a young child, and I just told them I really appreciated them taking time to do what they were doing, but that I was very happy NOT being a JW anymore. They never came back either. No one ever leaves literature in the door anymore, like we used to do years ago.
Some day, the butterflies will leave the pit of your stomach, and you will be able to be relaxed even in the presence of a JW or two. They have no power over us unless we allow them the power. I let go of that a long time ago and it sure feels great.
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In fact--what's going on with door to door? Am I already "marked" as someone to stay away from? There hasn't been anyone here in ages. I never see the literature around places anymore either.
i am in a rather difficult situation at the moment.
if someone would care to pm me, .
i do not want to elaborate on my .
my question is regards to family though.
does missing your mother ever get easier?
does not wanting to hurt her or even others in the congregation get easier?
I understand. My mom and I were very close. We were friends. That was until I started thinking for myself and becoming my own person. I didn't fit the mold she had in mind. I was a good daughter, but still a disappointment. She lives over 1,000 miles away, but even if she lived next door, the relationship would be the same. She would deny me. She would shun me. I spent a lot of time grieving over all of this. The only solution would be to deny my own soul, and I cannot do that. So, I live with the results of my choice.
In time you will find some basis for moving on and letting go and perhaps then it will become a bit easier for you. Some things cannot be changed.
/<
my heart is palpitating even as i write this.
it was only recently that i was introduced to this site.
i had long had doubts but could never bring myself to peer over the wall built in my head about the evils of apostates.
Hi There and Welcome. I like your name "surfacing". Makes me visualize a person who is struggling in deep water...tired and seemingly so far from shore. Yet, that desire to survive gives that rush of adrenalin just when we need it; and you might go under for a moment, but when you do, you hold your breathe, and when you surface, you breathe in and breathe out. And, now, you've made it here, and we extend a hand to you, to pull you closer yet to shore.
You will make it!! Breathe in...breathe out. See, you're feeling better already.
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