I'll probably always be an X, but that's not holding me back in life. At this point, I'm still trying to get over that I allowed myself to be a true believer in this religion for 40 years. I'm including my grade school years as those were some of the toughest times. This DB community is such a comfort and therapy. It is so great knowing I'm not unique in leaving the org.
Posts by Wren
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22When To Stop Being X ?????
by ladonna inwhen is it time to stop being an xjw, or an x anything?
when is it time to stop being on xjw forums?
when is it time to just live?.
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7
Life Cycle of a JW
by Wren inthis is an introduction.
my jw life, i admit now, is typical.
in ways its typical for: jw demographics, life passages, time in a high control group.
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Wren
Hello! This is an introduction. My JW life, I admit now, is typical. In ways it’s typical for: JW demographics, life passages, time in a high control group. I’m not much of a writer but here goes…
My first memory was at a large stadium, summer assembly, in 1961, in California. I was five. My family associated with JW’s consisted of one unbaptized parent that attends here and there and a baptized crazy aunt. I started studying regularly with a pioneer couple. Within months, at age 10, regular attendance at meetings & field service, followed. This continued where ever we moved (I’ve lived from one end of the west coast to the other). My family life was not especially stable. I lived with either parent or different relatives. Stability came from having “the truth”.
The apex was the approaching mid 70’s. In my late teens/early twenties I entered my idealistic stage. Baptism was at 16, then pioneering after completion of high school. I desperately needed all the answers in a neat package. My zeal was enhanced with the 1975 peak of fervor and “ingathering”. In the late seventies, foregoing an education, I married a JW and had several children in close succession. I continued to try to keep up with all the requirements. At this point it began to dawn on me that I might have dug myself a hole and I’d better start looking for a rope to either hang myself or pull myself out.
With my slow slide down the curve in the early eighties, I went through the initiation of seeing the underbelly of the organization, JW imperfections and pressure. The usual: Elders using power for monetary gain, self righteous judgmental types, immorality covered over based on congregational position, double lives, all while proclaiming “We are God’s chosen people”. I could never be a good enough Christian. You must do more! My extended family life was controlling and judgmental. I had married into a struggling family business.
By the mid 80’s I hit the wall. The business failed. I’d had enough of the religious pressure and manipulation. We had children to raise. I decided it was time to “get back to basics”. Take care of what is most important. My values basically were “the golden rule” (found in most religions and belief systems) and caring for my children. These core values have not changed to this day.
One more learning lesson for me: quit whining and pull yourself out of the hole! We both went back to school, at different times, and learned new skills that ensured a reliable decent income. We became mostly inactive as far as the JW’s, attending once in a while. I like a statistics quote for the 80’s: we were part of the ones that just tired out. JW family called me selfish & my husband worldly.
We attended sporadically through the ninety’s. I wish I had the knowledge in 85 that I have today, examining my religion. It would have saved us the embarrassment of being the Jehovah half-wits for fifteen years!!! You know the ones. The parents both work. The family attends sometimes. Field service is way optional. The kids have worldly friends, attend parties, run for school office, and go out for sports but no saluting the flag! “Worldly people” at work think you’re a little weird and the witnesses make fun of you!
We did study through a book or two with the children, during this time, but had an unspoken pact not to encourage baptism while they were teenagers. If they decided to have a different religion, so be it. We had seen so many lives deeply affected as teenagers “sow their wild oats” then are punished and ostracized.
Here’s the end of the cycle with no regeneration. I’m on the internet reading the news last August. JW molestations headlines. Nice lengthy article about Kentucky molestation lawsuit and other similar lawsuits. I ask what else is being covered over? Why can’t I examine my religion!? BTW I want to thank everyone for all the information on the websites. You do make a big difference.
Chronologically, I began with more on cover-ups. Then, of the GB attitude and handling of life and death matters of blood & neutrality. So many lives lost and ruined sincerely trying to serve God. The reality is a group of men/corporate publishing & real estate power have the audacity to proclaim themselves God’s mouthpiece that must not be questioned and demand high compliance. I then focused on the psychology of mind control and high control groups. This has become my filter of understanding my JW history. I continued to read everything I could on the internet. Then I purchased several books to finish reading what wasn’t posted. The doctrinal points were easily dismantled. The quotes only sites speak for themselves. To sum it all up: JW’s are just what is found in reference books, an odd offshoot of the SDA’s.
It seemed like it was only over a few days. I began to think with my own mind. After continued reading and reasoning my beliefs are now along the Atheist/Agnostic/Skeptic lines. I had salvation vs. punishment questions but that’s for another thread.
By this time, I’m astounded, exclaiming to myself “you idiot you were just selling books!” I remember so smugly saying “I would never end up a follower of Jim Jones drinking purple kool aid!” I lived in SF and passed by his temple regularly in 1971. I also lived in Oregon when the Rajneshees were big and proclaimed “Look at all those expensive cars! How could anyone be that stupid to blindly believe like that?” I am!!! and might have killed my children over the blood doctrine to prove it.
I talked to my children about the research. They were studying off and on. They now pursue other beliefs; the one baptized was regretting it and wants a normal life. Apologizing to them some how felt like a death row prisoner blubbering on about repentance. My present family situation is precarious due to the shunning doctrine.
This is lengthy. I’ll sign off now…
“When the long, long day is over, and the Big Boss gives me my pay,
I hope that it won’t be hell-fire, as some of the parsons say.
And I hope that it won’t be heaven, with some of the parsons I’ve met-
All I want is just quiet, just to rest and forget.”The Spell of the Yukon and other Verses by Robert W. Service
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18
BOOK DONATION CAMPAIGN ANYBODY?
by Trotafox ini mentioned this topic on sleepy's thread but i'd like to have some input please from others on this board.
what i want to know is this: there are so many books available on the net that have been written by other ex-jw's who have been there and know the truth about the borg (other than rf).
what criteria do stores like barnes & noble and christian books stores use to stock particular book titles?
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Wren
For the developed world, book burning/destruction is so "dark ages". I had no idea this much of it goes on today.
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I was scared of apostates.....
by terafera inthe only experience i've had with 'apostates' was when i was 7 years old.
i was visiting family across the states and we went to a district assembly.
i remember a group of people outside with signs and billboards.
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Wren
I was amazed & frightened at the zealousness of the "apostates" at assemblies. They were more forceful, bold, and sincere than the JWs! I knew, at the time, that I was getting the crap kicked out of me with the demands of the organization. I could not imagine being even more zealous, like the apostate protesters!
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Hypocrisy Within My Own Family
by Reborn2002 inyesterday my brother (ever-loyal witness baptized same day as me 10 years ago; who is married to a holier-than-thou regular pioneer and subsequently with her encouragement has since avoided me as much as possible since i da myself) and his wife (see description above) came over to visit.. well.. shooting the proverbial shit, we got to the topic of movies.
asking politely if he or his wife had seen lord of the rings.. she interjected that it was inappropriate because it suggested wizardry and spiritism, and would never see such filth.
trying very hard to remain polite, my mom noticed the pause and said if they wanted to borrow any movies we have on tape to watch at home.. sneaky as i am, while they flapped their gums with my parents i glanced in the bag to see what they borrowed.. they took:.
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Wren
Reborn 2002, Read your post. (Finally got on line without someone looking over my shoulder.) I can sympathize with biting your tongue. JWs community often seems like a social club/pecking order. All the while proclaiming they are the chosen.
"You want to watch evil movies but We don't!"(Just don't look in the bag and bust us)
I've been inactive since 1985 but going along with the program just enough to keep my family/children together and appease extended family/congo in not getting DF'd. At this point I've been an atheist for 6 months, not even my husband knows, only my children, and biting my tongue all along the way. Lately a lot.
Having the same conversation different place. It seems talking about any entertainment, especially, is a set up for getting the old what's appropriate put down. It's to the point of avoiding the subject. I hid all the R movies last summer when the glassy eyed hardliners came to visit.
These seem to be the sacrifices made to be with loved ones.
Wren
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32
What Its All About - Lurkers
by Amazing inits all about lurkers: there are at least three main types of lurkers, 1. a jw with doubts, concerns, feeling that something is wrong with the religion, 2. an ex-jw who is caught between two worlds, and does not feel free yet to live a normal life, 3. a non-jw who is either involved with a jw, or a relative of a jw, or is in the middle of being studied with by the jws.. defining moments: everything we write, say, and do is observed by the lurkers.
in a single moment, or a series of collected comments, we will eventually cause a lurker to have a defining moment ... a point in time where they decide that being a jw is not for them anymore, or that they can stop living between two worlds, or cease studying, and not join the religion.
we may never know who we help, or how many.. flame wars and character attacks: when we get embroiled in these, whether we are the instigator or the brunt of the attacks ... what are we really doing?
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Wren
Lurkers or beginners can see it all UNCOVERED on this DB. Its about trying to deal with the covered over and mind control. It is important to not turn away those beginning their search. There is something to be said about civilized behavior.
I've been wanting to post for a while, since the beginning of my research on JW, on threads about this topic. My personal opinion of this DB, in particular, is its in the Expert catagory. Beginners hang on.
Its here: the best of research, bible debates, testimony, deep thoughts, compassion, advice, critical thinking and fun in a easy acess, open minded forum. There is also the human side of hot emotions, profane venting, arguments and making up.
Nevertheless, sometimes the Expert catagory speaks for itself.
another lurker -
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Do you think that the WT will ban the Internet?
by gilwarrior ini think that it will happen.
there is so much information about what really goes on.
the hypocrasy, the scandals, the misinformation.
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Wren
Have to agree banning internet would be like banning telephone. One of the most powerful words to a JW is FREE. Free comunication without paying fees or long distance phone/fax. A relative of mine just returned from overseas construction assignments. I was amazed at how much internet capability was connected on one phone line including e-mail for all on project too. I know several fanatical and long time JWs who are backwards keeping up with technology. They will never give up their computer bought & used for low cost commmunication. All the JW extended family to keep up with.
Must also agree with more 'back door banning', though. All the knowledge in the world, to crash Watchtower, is up and running on the internet and only a click away.
Now, how to convince JWs to only "Keyboard in the Org".
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Ignorant Judgemental CO's and DO's
by Scully inbadwillie wrote the following experience about an ignorant comment from a do:.
case in point:.
a friend received a full scholarship from a local college to study to become a veternarian.
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Wren
Metatron's CO's MO at assemblies sounds very familiar. He must have used it regularly at assemblies. I remember the "I'm waitinggg!" speaker.
To stay "In" ignorant and judgemental must be viewed as part of good society. -
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Okay Bible Supporters: Support this One
by FreePeace inthere have been so many bible thumping posts lately, i thought i would offer an anti-bible article from my truthquest website.
i wait with bated breath to see how bible supporters will rationalize and explain this one.. .
atrocities of the bible: the midianites .
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Wren
Tx Freepeace. Enjoyed this thread.
The bible is one of the great books for the goodwill or betterment of self it promotes, in other scriptures. On the other hand, it reads like my book of (primitive violent) bible stories. Or is it my book of folklore?
Posts like these make this board great.
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23
What do you think the Dateline show will do?
by Mulan ini am curious.
does anyone really believe the dateline show will make very many current dubs "wake up" and leave?
do you think it will bring the organization down?
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Wren
I've lurked regularly for 5 months. Have not posted as others can express thoughts on topics much better than I. Must respond to this. I am no longer a believer because of this cover up. I have also taken four others(my grown children)with me. Getting this cover up exposed in the national press/media was the catalyst for me to finally seriously question JW religion. We all know or have been burned by the old "imperfect humans" or "isolated instances" lines that cover over any and all manner of corruption. This molestation issue stopped me dead in my tracks. Blatant corruption is coming from the top down for Watchtower image whitewash. Who cares about some abused children? They are expendable when guarding "Kingdom interests". The JW/molest news article made Yahoo search engine headlines last August. This reaches many people. There is no way I would have known the other side except by way of internet(I swear it will be the crash of Watchtower). I am in a isolated place. If I moved to a more remote area, I may as well be in Timbuktu. If wide publicity reached me, with the effect of making the fateful click of the mouse, to really investigate the rest of what they are hiding, it will reach others. I've been active/inactive believer for a total of 40 years. I have digested all manner of corruption and "blinking light" knowledge. Remember it's part of 'suffering long' fruit of the spirit. This cover up and later learning about Malawi/Mexico opened my eyes and allowed me to think with my own mind. (BTW I wrote to Dr. Banda and all the addresses in the Awake, in grade school, sincerely trying to help). My research brought a change to non believer in me, in what seemed like a a couple of weeks. I'll post my story later. I'm posting in secret for now. Just want to say this DB has helped me immensely. I can't thank you Simon and this "community" enough!
Wren