Posts by asleif_dufansdottir

46

Planning A Fade. Need Ideas

by Doubtfully Yours in

this double life is slowly eating away at me.

i'm planning to fade away and need all the ideas i can get.. it needs to be a fade because my parents, who i care deeply about are heavily into it and my poor hubby is wanting to obtain more privileges in the cong.

me, on the other hand, can't stand going to so many meetings and service and giving parts, etc.. very much appreciate your ideas and support.

asleif_dufansdottir

I'm afraid I have to chime in with those who are concerned that if your husband throws things and has temper tantrums to get his way, that this does not bode well for your marriage. My advice is nont going to help you fade...but I'm really afraid fading is not looking to possible for you from what you've said.

Think about this...why do you accept the temper tantrum?? Everybody's different, and so are everybody's marriages, but if I was you, the next time he started that crap it would be time for a (what folks back home call) "Come to Jesus" meeting (not in the religious sense, I just like the phrase).

Stop him cold in his tracks. Tell him you're not putting up with behavior that would get a 2-year-old taken in the back room and spanked at a meeting. Plain language like,

"I'm not going because I don't want to. I don't need any other reason. Your bad behavior is not doing a thing to change that. Deal with it."

Phrases like, "end of discussion" and "I'm not going to be spoken to like that" are helpful here, too. Don't let him drag you into the fight, don't try to reason with him, DON'T try to appease him.

There's also the helpful words, "I'm going to do what I want with my life whether you like it or not."

Don't let him bully or intimidate or boss you. You're an adult, be one! If he gets violent tell him you're calling the cops - and do it!! And follow through with the complaint, too. Bullies often back down quick when confronted with strength, but you have to be Determined, you can't let him see you waiver or he'll be convinced if he just keeps up he'll get his way.

Stop thinking that he, your parents, or the elders have any right to tell you what to do or guilt you into anything. Do what you want.

Tell him that you love him but you're not going to let that give him the power to control your life.

Keep us posted!

21

Eye opening article about the...

by Smyler in

jw
friends

international convention in sydney, australia and the history of the wts.. http://www.smh.com.au/articles/2003/12/08/1070732144093.html.

eccentric, maybe, but their kingdom keeps coming.

by chris mcgillion.

asleif_dufansdottir

Somebody should fill the reporter in on their pedophile problem. A notice warning people in the area about potential pedophiles roaming the streets would be lovely publicity.

30

What Fav Christmas songs....fluff

by Brummie in

jw
friends

if you was to put a christmas cd together to get you in the festive mood what songs would you put on it?.

chestnuts roasting on an open fire?

winterwonderland?....lol.

asleif_dufansdottir

Carol of the Bells, either instrumental or vocal version...it rocks!

Riu, Riu, Chiu - Chanticleer's version (Chanticleer is an a capella vocal group who does a lot of medieval and Renaissance music...and the are about the best I've ever heard ... which is saying something)

Aspenglow, which is on John Denver's Christmas album, although technically not just about Christmas. Anything on that album except "Please, Daddy don't get drunk this Christmas" which I never listen to. Also the John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album - Miss Piggy singing..."Five Go-old Rings....BA DUM BUM BUM" is just way too great to pass up.

12

Snow, Snow, Go away...come again another day...

by flower in

jw
friends

checking in from new england where the snow is still falling steadily.

its been snowing since friday here and were pretty much buried under about 30 inches already in this particular part of massachusetts.

just came in from walking to dunkin donuts for coffee after digging out the car.

asleif_dufansdottir

Snow? What Snow? It was in the 70's today and I'm sitting out on my patio on my laptop...listening to the hummingbirds fight over the feeder...

I love Arizona in winter!!!

18

Questions..falling in love with a JW...

by twizzle in

jw
friends

i'd like the answer to the "boy meets worldly girl" question as well.

i was going to reply to the previous post but realized when i got to the end of my rant that other topics worth considering are mentioned in my message:

as a "worldly girl" (well, i'm 29) i've spent the last few days reading all i can about "the society" and trying to figure out what the hell has gone on in my life for the past few months.

asleif_dufansdottir

I've been told what I need to do to be made "suitable"

I'm sure you have. And I find that concept repulsive. Think about that for a moment. You, as you are, are not considered "suitable"...and here's the secret...you never will be. You'll never be good enough as long as you have an independent thought in your head.

Please believe me when I tell you the best case scenario is the pain you're going through right now if you break off the relationship. If you try to become "suitable", it just gets worse.

I've been married over 21 years. He became a JW after we were married, and sucked me in, over my initial protests. Eventually we both came back out. I do love my husband, and if he told me today he wanted to become a JW again I'd leave him. Today. No debate. I wouldn't go through that nightmare again for anything.

42

Cancelling The Meeting

by minimus in

jw
friends

one of the strangest things that i've seen with the "sheep" is how they would not do anything unless they heard from their elders.

especially was this so, during inclement weather.

if we were in the middle of a blizzard, we could not call off the meeting unless we heard it was confirmed by the presiding overseer, usually after he "discussed" it with some elders.

asleif_dufansdottir

Our situation was probably unusual, but in our hall only 1 family and a single sister lived in the town where the hall was. None of the elders did. We were far from the hall, with about 35 - 40 miles one way to travel over country roads. Most of the congregation lived in the next town South, about 20 miles from the hall. I don't remember exactly but I don't remember meetings being cancelled more than maybe once a year, if that. Of course you weren't considered "theocratic" if you'd miss a meeting over a little thing like dangerous, icy country roads. You were just looking for an excuse not to go (well, DUH)

40

How Do You View Men , Women and Children??

by minimus in

jw
friends

after reading blondie's wt.

review, we can't help but see how the society and much of society in general views women and men.

women are supposed to be subservient and in subjection to males.

asleif_dufansdottir

But doesn't someone (the man) have to make the "final decision"? Remember, you can only have ONE driver at the wheel. If 2 attempt to take over, you'll never get anywhere.....

It's cultural bias to assume that somebody has to make the final decision. In some cultures (usually small-scale tribal ones), decision is by consensus...things get talked out until a decision is reached that everyone can live with (of course it it possible that someone might try to manipulate the discussion, but among groups who are used to decisions made this way that's harder to do). Those of you who live in Canada, don't you guys have a new province made up of mostly First Nations people where the provincial government (at least part of it) is by consensus? I remember talking about that in class last year...

Most of our married life (JW time excepted), the person who was more knowledgeable on the particular subject or who cared more about it made the decision. He's never got to decide hardly anything about furnishings and decor in 21 years (he doesn't care that much). I remember hearing one elder's wife say, wistsfully, "It's my husband's house, I just clean it." I thought then and think now that's incredibly sad.

We're both such strong-willed people, that often it comes down to "I'm going to do what I want and you can just live with it." It's not as bad as it sounds. It's certainly better than only HIM saying we both have to do what he wants and I have to just live with it.

66

Your Favorite Football Team?

by eisenstein in

jw
friends

superbowl is around the corner and just wondering how many of you are football fans and who your favorite team is?.

me, i don't watch football as much as i used to.

i'm from huntington, wv and the football team there is marshall university "the thundering herd".

asleif_dufansdottir

Oxnard...you and my dad and brother would get along fine.

Eisenstein...know how you feel...I just can't get used to seeing the Cards in AZ, and the Rams in STL, etc!!

My favorite team is whoever is beating Nebraska!! (having to live there for a few years while not converting to the Big Red Religion will do that!)

116

My brother died last night

by doodle-v in

jw
friends

my brother turned 21 on september 24th, a month later the doctor told him that his leukimia had returned and he had a 10% chance of surviving.

ten days before he died he spent four days at my house.

he had already made up his mind that he wasnt going to take blood.

asleif_dufansdottir

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine...I only have one brother and no sisters. Thankfully none of my family were ever in the borg. Keep your chin up and know we're thinking of you.

49

Evolution Question(s)

by Cassiline in

if we have evolved my assumption is we still are evolving correct?

or am i wrong in this assumption as well?

with all that was wrought on jws this is one teaching i can not get past that of evolution v. creation.

asleif_dufansdottir

Asleif,

Leolaia: Right on...how cool that you learned that from the tv! So many undergrad anthro students don't learn it from attending classes!!

I wonder why

Faraon: Oops, sorry. I'm a TA in a Intro to Cultural Anth class (150 students in the class) at a large university with a reputation as a party school...That was just my smartaleck commentary on students who are sleeping or talking or playing computer games or otherwise totally uninvolved during a lecture , only to whine at the end of the semester when they wake up and realize they're failing ...just ignore me I'll get over it after their stuff is all graded and I don't have to deal with it anymore...