Thanks Lola and Cognizant, The thing is I had planned to take this with me to the grave, and never come forward with it. It wasnt until that I lost Amanda that I realized what I lost. This is a major problem that Im dealing with, and my family are always asking me why Im so depressed, now they will know the reason why.-----Also my grandpa is not much help, everytime I see him he always asks "why havent you got a woman?" "Why havent you found a new woman yet?" Im sick of his probing questions, given the fact that he really didnt give a damn about us, but that is a subject for another topic.
The point is my family are gonna get suspicious anyways if I dont have a girlfriend. What can I really tell them? "Hey I would, except for those gay tendencies get in the way" or "hey my childhood development has left me totally maladjusted"
They are gonna know something is wrong, I might as well fess up to them. I dont think anyone will actually hate me, except for my Dad and Uncle. This is a time when I will discover who loves me unconditionally and who doesnt.
This is the real me, the me that has suffered all these years, and hopefully they can work with me and give me some help and advice, support, encouragement, anything.
My Mom and brother have already proven that to me, im hoping the rest of the family will fall in line.
I have some truly kind non-jw cousins in Ky that I admire so much, Amanda knows who Im talking about. Perhaps when I tell them the rest of the story it will all make sense.
This could cause alot of dialogue in the family, and if it is presented right could have some positive effects.
Keeping silent does nothing for me but breed anger and depression. I should have breached this topic a long time ago, but I was afraid I would lose Amanda if she found out. I have always felt like damaged goods my entire life, Now Im gonna take those Lemons and make lemonade.
My plan--fully revealed
by Junction-Guy 149 Replies latest jw friends
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Junction-Guy
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cyberguy
Hey dude,
I don't know what to say here, just that I'm sorry for you, I just don't understand. I have no idea about your struggles! I'm sorry for you, because you are obviously hurting! Perhaps, only you know what troubles you, and will have to figure it out in the long run. Obviously, strong emotions are flying around in your head, and you're trying to sort things out. Your x-wife must be a wonderful person for still talking to you and wanting to be your friend, since most (JW) women would have left you long in the dust! And where people are unsure about their sexuality, I believe it is similar to the JW-thing, i.e., some leave and join a church, only to find that they don't fit there either! You may be experiencing something similar, but with your sexuality. I simply don't know. You may wish to seek a help from a professional like you say. I wish you the best on your journey, however! Take care, and we at the JWD board, are always here for you! PEACE! Hang in there!
Cyber!
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Q. Bert
May there be peace at your junctions, whether they be within yourself, or with family, or the connections beyond that.
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bernadette
Hi junction guy
Sounds like you have a good plan.
What is reparation therapy?
The impression I'm getting is that your family are a major stumbling block to whether or not you can properly explore your gay side in a balanced way. They may never give you the backing and approval you need.
So if you have the therapy in place first it may give you the peace of mind to deal with your family when you tell them.
just my 2p worth.
take care
bernadette
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cognizant dissident
The point is my family are gonna get suspicious anyways if I dont have a girlfriend. What can I really tell them? "Hey I would, except for those gay tendencies get in the way" or "hey my childhood development has left me totally maladjusted"
How about, "hey it's none of your business!"
Really, though, Junction Guy, I do understand your need to just come out and be who you are to your family and the world, come what may. I also struggle back and forth with whether to just come out and tell my family I'm not a JW anymore, despite the fact they may shun me. Many days I feel it is worth the risk, other days I think why bother? I plan on telling my parents and extendend family as soon as the opportunity presents itself, just because I am tired of going back and forth with should I tell? or should I keep quiet?
My main worry is that sometimes we have a need to tell our story but our family has no similiar need to hear it. So it might actually be a kindness to them and to yourself to leave them in the dark. Many years ago, I was in counseling for childhood abuse, and my counselor cautioned me to be careful who I told. Not because it was a shameful secret, but because many times when those who have been abused and silenced for so long, finally get the courage to speak up and tell their story, they often tend to tell EVERYBODY!. They want to shout their truth from the rooftops (or at least on national television ) and the whole world be damned. This could end up doing more harm than good. So she warned me to be discreet and choose carefully who I honored with my story. A good question to ask yourself is, "Would it benefit me (integrity, courage, self-esteem) to tell my story? Yes. Then the next question is, "would it benefit the person I plan to tell to hear my story? No. Then perhaps it would be better to find someone who is more equipped to listen and be supportive. A qualified therapist is a good start.
Well, whatever you decide, I hope it works out and please keep us updated.
Cog
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Q. Bert
Perhaps Amanda has a few thoughts herself that may help with your focus. Especially since you've been through a few things together and are apparently still friends to each other.
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Junction-Guy
Wow, so many responses so quickly.
Reparation therapy basically is similar to the Ex-Gay thing you have probably been reading about lately. They try to build a sense of self esteem and a sense of male bonding that I lost out on as a child. They coach you in your sporting skills, teach you about things that the Dad failed to. There is alot more to it, but I cant explain it all here. I want to meet with the therapist first and see what they say, and also see if it is something I want to pursue.
Also you're right about the discretion thing. Im only gonna tell a select few at first, and then test the waters. That is why I said from the beginning that this plan could take time, and alot of steps along the way. Therapy will be first and foremost.
This isnt gonna hit the media anytime soon.
My family keeps telling me that Im young and that I have my whole life ahead of me, and that I should be moving on from my marriage to Amanda, but there is so much to this that I dont think it would be fair to any woman to just forget everything, find another woman and start dating, it just wouldnt be fair. I plan to get therapy, and then and only then I must always be honest and not try to hide things from my past.
I will need to find another woman that understands me and is willing to look past my issues that I have had.
There is alot of things involved with this process, no quick fix answer. -
Q. Bert
It's good to keep true friends in the loop. You never know when a connection may come in handy.
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Mrs Smith
All the best! You are one brave soul.
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Junction-Guy
Also Bernadette, Actually my family arent hindering me in anyway. I live alone here in Knoxville and could go to every gay bar in town and no family would ever know, but I havent. I have almost total freedom here in Knoxville, I can do whatever I please here, it's not like the small town in Kentucky. I just dont feel that that is the direction im headed.
Also another reason for this is I dont want them to blame Amanda for our marriage, we just had so much stacked against us from the beginning, it was hard to get ahead in a life that wasnt expected to be this long.