I think this camel's back is broken (the final straw)

by JimmyPage 76 Replies latest jw friends

  • JimmyPage
    JimmyPage

    I got home from work last night and guess what happened while I was gone?

    My wife tells me she called the presiding overseer to set up a time for all of us to talk about our premarital no-no's.

    "Really? Is that right?" I asked her. She said, "You think I backstabbed you?" I replied, "I never said that. You're putting words in my mouth."

    Then I asked her, "Did you talk to your sister and her husband about our conversation the other day?" "No," she replied, looking at the floor. "You're not looking me in the eye," I said. She then made a feeble attempt at eye contact while saying, "I didn't talk to them about it." Her eyes went back to the floor before the sentence was finished.

    Thinking about my next possible step (disassociation), I said, "I think this may be a good thing."

    Later that night we had a long talk about all kinds of WT-related things, from their history of false prophecies to their child abuse cover ups. She defended them at every turn. "You really hate the WT Society, don't you?" she asked. "You're putting words in my mouth again," I said. "I'm just stating facts."

    I will say the one line of reasoning I used that really got her was about disfellowshipping. I told her I don't agree with it. I said, "Of all people who should be DF'd, shouldn't Satan be the first? And yet, in the book of Job, there he was, standing among God and the angels, coming and going. It was thousands of years before he was cast out, according to the WT Society." "It wasn't thousands of years," she said, before stopping to think. "Well, maybe it was thousands..." she continued, actually letting some wheels turn.

    She said she knew she had the truth. I pointed out that her mother's Mormon friend says the exact same thing about his religion. She agreed that the Mormon teachings are nuts. I said, "But that's all he knows. He totally believes it."

    I didn't get much sleep last night. Things are definitely coming to a finale. Heading everyone off at the pass and DA'ing is looking to be my best option right now. I think it will totally shock my wife. But hey, she went behind my back and did what she wanted. I was at the point anyway where I didn't care if I was DF'd or not. DA'ing, in my opinion, will give me that sense of control over my own life and take the power away from the elders. And really, it's the only way to get out from under the mind control and give my child a shot at some normalcy. I will miss some people, but hey, I don't need to carry on with something I don't believe in anymore anyway.

    I have a really positive feeling about all this.

  • dinah
    dinah

    Be a strong man for her. I'm hoping you guys love each other enough to survive this. But if she has family in, you will be painted as the Hound of Satan. Your being calm is your ammunition. Stick with facts. Make her think for herself.

    I wish you the best. I've been reading this for the last few days. My heart is with you and I hope your wife wakes up.

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    Uh, I don't think I could be as calm as you are. The first thing I would have brought up to your wife was why she circumvented YOU as "head of household?" I'd have asked her exactly who the hell she thinks she is???

    Any elders that would come by or start enquiring about the situation would get the standard, "We are married, any issues before hand are now null & void. This isn't any of your business, however, you may talk to my wife and counsel her on the fact that I am the head of the household, NOT HER."

    Your wife sounds like a contriving, scheming, self-centered bitch, and I'd be damn sure to put her in her place, "Per Jehovah God." I would then do what I wanted with my children, as in this country we have freedom of religion, and I'd be damn sure to let her know that your divorce attorney backs you up!!

    If I were in a relationship and had something like this happen to me, the trust meter would now be pegged at ZERO!!

    Imagine, going to the PO over something that happened years ago before you were married???? Guess what, you're married! Big f*cking deal!! Don't they have anything else more pressing to deal with, like Brother Superfine Elder's son going off to University, or Brother McFeely being to touchy with the youngsters?????

    Your wife and these people need to get a freakin clue!!

    - Wing Commander

  • dinah
    dinah

    Damn Winged, you a freaking elder? Just because Jimmy doesn't rule with an iron fist doesnt mean he doesnt rule his roost.

    The WT uses the Head of Household argument when it suits their needs. If a man stands up to them, the women are just trained to go around the man by any means necessary.

  • ex-nj-jw
    ex-nj-jw

    While I agree that what a person does or did during or prior to marraige is no one's business especially a religious organization I think this part was a little harsh:

    Your wife sounds like a contriving, scheming, self-centered bitch, and I'd be damn sure to put her in her place, "Per Jehovah God

    I hate the organization and the people in it who act like they are above everyone else, but calling his wife out of her name is uncalled for, IMO.

    nj

  • SixofNine
    SixofNine

    Man, I wish you the best. I've been following your story since the 14th; and I'm rooting for you.

    You're in an extremely tough situation, and the future (of your marriage) is really in your wife's hands. I just hope she'll choose reason in the long run. Your best option, imo, is to be strong, but calm - always a step ahead of the boys of the Tower. Show her that there is hope for a future beyond the narrow, limited viewing portal she now sees the future of herself/you/your child/the world out of.

    There can be no good from meeting with the elders about pre-marital fooling around. What I can see happening however, is them using it as a wedge between you and your wife and a reinforcement of her beliefs, ie: You are prideful, she is humble. She is given private reproof and told not to feel guilty anymore.

  • WingCommander
    WingCommander

    Dinah:

    Yeah, I know the WT uses the Head of Household argument whenever it suits them, but now it's time to turn it around and apply it where it needs applied, at home!!

    I just don't think I could come home after a day at work and have a homemaker wifey who spends my money flat out tell me that she went behind my back and spoke to the PO about something so rediculous and in the past. I would be furious, and ask her if she would like to move in with them and have THEM work and provide for her? She'd be sure to get the picture that her ass would be out on the doorstep wondering what the hell happened if she crossed me again. Sometimes people need a freakin reality check and wake-up call!!!

    Just makes my blood boil. Thank God my wife isn't a JW and is gainfully employed! I just couldn't put up with this petty sh*t in my marriage.....Elders overstepping their boundaries and whatnot.

    - Wing Commander

  • passwordprotected
    passwordprotected

    I'm pretty surprised your wife has done this, is it to shock you to remain loyal to the Org? While I don't agree with WC's tone, I think you'd be well within your rights to tell the PO that it's none of his business.

    Sorry things are this way for you, must be very frustrating.

  • jws
    jws

    It seems to me that if they stick to the pre-marital sex, she could be at much at risk as you are of being DFed. Although I've heard this is generally excused. You're married now, it wasn't generally known, etc.

    So I wouldn't sweat being DFed on the basis of the pre-marital stuff. And who knows, if they do, she might end up with the same sentence, which might make it easier for her to take a step back from them.

    But, chances are they'll take the opportunity to ask other questions as well. From what I've read on this board, any hint of "apostacy" will sink you.

    As long as you're perfectly OK with being DFed, cool. But realize that this puts you at a much weaker position with regards to your wife. I don't know whether you still value your relationship and are trying to help her out, but being DFed, especially for apostacy, will make her igore that "head of the house" thing altogether (not like she's not doing that now).

  • dinah
    dinah

    The GB is the "head of the household" Don't ever forget that.

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