Simple question, but if she feels so dirty of the pre-marital sex then why doesn't she just pray directly to God and ask forgiveness and let it be done with? Why get imperfect sinful men involved who will only judge her and make her feel worse? Tell her to take the issue to the top! Heck, pray with her and both of you ask for forgiveness. It's just silly to think you can free your conscience by confessing your private matters to three guys. Heck, hang out with me and my friends on Friday night for beers and confess to us ... we won't judge you or her.
I think this camel's back is broken (the final straw)
by JimmyPage 76 Replies latest jw friends
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JimmyPage
Sacolton, this is exactly what I did. I led her in prayer for forgiveness and then told her that I don't see how any imperfect men can improve on that. (Of course, she explained that they are "gifts in men".)
I'm gonna take you up on that beer invite one day. Hopefully I can check out the home theater, too.
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AudeSapere
Sorry you are both going through this. I feel for your wife but she is sure to find out some very painful truths. More painful than any perceived guilt she thinks she feels now.
It might be worth you time to look at some of 'Confession's' threads. He did some pretty intense reasoning and writing on the subject. Something in his writings might be helpful to you two.
-Aude.
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oompa
Why is the premaritial sex just now bothering your wife to the point that she wants to talk to some dirty old men elders about it?
c'mon JP, you know she started fussin when you stopped l.ckin....lol..........................actually.... you have had so much good advice here.....but tons of bad early on...esp with those that urge being harsh with your wife or calling on the headship clause......hell this is oompa and even I have not played that stoopid card........btw....i just carefully and without booze slowly read this entire thread.....
i did crack up when an earlier poster said to just blame it all on her for her evil sexual cravings!....oh ya.....tell her she made you drive the hershey highway every day and kept blowing on willie til you agreed to mary her!!!...lmao....just kidding...
.if you love her.....like you think you will want to be with you wife even after she wakes up (THIS IS A VITAL POINT!!!).... really,why wake her up and destroy her social structure if she is not going to be compatible with you in the long run??......
i do agree to make her go the stupid meeting she requested alone.......her idea......her meeting.........but you have done so well to CONTROL YOU ANGER.....and keep doing that.....and dont make her cry every day or week with your new truths......trust me on that one.............and dont flukkin DA!!!!.......unless you really dont care for this person......you will lose a lot of chances to save her
you have so many chances here.....so many paths........some short and fast.....some much longer and trickier.........nobody here can tell you what to do, and i am sorry if i tried as well......i really only meant to give some ideas..........i just have more in common with you than many who have posted so far..........take care ...................oompa
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The Oracle
Hey Jimmy,
You have certainly attracted lots of interesting and varied advice here! I thought Primitive Genius in particular had some great advice - hilarious!
Seriously, I wish you the best with this situation. It can be stressful, but remember - you have nothing to fear from these clowns. They are all poor people trapped in a cult with no clue. You have had your awakening. Always keep that big picture thought in mind.
Here is my two cents on the matter:
This is a GLORIOUS opportunity to expose the real truth to some of these poor trapped, mind-controlled people.
First of all - forget the disassociation letter. You don't need that to achieve your freedom. Freedom is a decision you make. If you don't believe it - then simply stop believing and stop conforming to their rules or respecting their silly processes.
Going to the trouble of writing a DA letter is respecting their process. Don't be their puppet - even in your exit. You may want to talk to certain people who are JWs at some point in the future - for whatever reason. Writing that DA letter effectively eliminates that possibility, or at least makes it much more difficult. I only favor writing a DA letter, if you have had it up to here with everything, and don't ever want to be bothered by anyone who remains in the cult. If that is the case then go for it.
Now, back to your situation: If you feel like it, have these guys over to the house and lay it on the line. Take over the conversation - don't let them dictate how things will go. They are in your house, you'll talk about the things you want to talk about. If they ask any questions that you don't want to answer - simply tell them that you're not going to talk about that right now, but instead, say something like "before we go any further I wanted to raise these concerns (insert any number of outrageous JW teachings or policies that are a concern to any intelligent person).
The point is - drop as many seeds of truth that you can. These seeds will plant doubts in their minds that will germinate over time. With some it only takes hours or days before they realize they might be in a cult. With others it may take years before they have their awakening. The point is - the seed needs to be planted. You are in a great position to plant some seeds, my friend.
It is a great cause to help get others out. It's true that the most important thing for someone who has had their awakening to do, is to move on with their life, and start enjoying it to the full..... HOWEVER.... when you have the opportunity to do so, it is a wonderful thing to be able to a free a mind.
Take care JP! And Good luck, whatever you decide to do!!
The Oracle
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MissingLink
Oracle is smart. Basically what I was trying to say.
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loosie
ask her to whom did Lots daughters confess to after they committed incest with their dad?
If years have passed since this incident, I don't really see the need to talk to the elders. Unless of course she likes to be embarassed in front of the congregation. Don't let her mistakenly believe that the elders will keep it quiet. They don't. That what they have wives for... to spread the word. It is a humiliating experience that I can't imagine she would want to go thru.
One of their favorite questions is did you have an orgasm? Who wants to tell a bunch of old farts that?!?! They based your repentance and guilt on the fact of having or not having an orgasm. She is ready to answer that questiosn to them?
Tell the Elders to go F*&^ themselves.
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MochaLatte
Some JWs believe that when couples have had premarital improprieties and there are any subsequent problems in the marriage, God's spirit and blessing were never on the marriage because the premarital sins were never "handled." It may be that when your wife spoke with her sister the premarital issues came up as something that needed to be resolved in an effort to save your spirituality and the marriage. As others have said, this is a misguided attempt to straighten things that have nothing to do with your current feelings about the organization. They're so programmed to look inward for blame that she may feel guilty that her part in the premarital activities (and then failing to immediately confess to it) make her at least partly responsible for your attitude about the organization.
Your wife will have to come to terms with this in her own way and time. I hope things go well for you. I admire your strength.
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loosie
I agree Mocha. When our son was born with cerebral palsy... the elders straight out asked us.. ..
" What did we do before we got married?" AssH&@*^