I think this camel's back is broken (the final straw)

by JimmyPage 76 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  watson

  The GB is the "head of the household" Don't ever forget that.

  Troubling in it's simplicity. Is that scriptural?
• 

  cawshun

  Wing Control and Cameo, I totally agree with both of you. Why should anyone have to walk on eggs all their day's afraid they might upset someone because of their own feelings? You disagree and your being punished daily for following your own thinking and reasoning. One partner calling all the shots, either believe like me or your evil. Sheesh! How can anyone live like that?

  Your wife did over step her boundaries by going behind your back and calling the PO.

  The day some religious organization tries to talk to me about a sexual private matter between two partners is the day I would say good bye. I will never understand where they get off thinking they have a right to question you or anyone on such a private matter. That should be left to the two partners or a marriage councelor.

  I know you have a child involved in this marriage and that makes it difficult but at the same time, I feel raising a child in a cult is child abuse and maybe the child would be better off with one parent that is not involved.

  Take a stand for your individual rights Jimmy Page, tell the PO its your household and you don't need some outsiders interferring. I'll bet they will back down, may DA you or DF you but thats what your really wanting anyway.

  I still think you need to reverse the situation, get p***** everytime she brings up the WT, get p***** everytime she takes your child to KH or a DC. Make her be the one to feel uncomfortable around you. Make her be the one walking on eggs everytime she has a jw friend over, walk around being rude don't speak to them act like their taking up your comfort time in your own home. Just make life miserable for her when it comes to anything JW. It may be bad advise but heck, why are you the one always doing the giving.

  I truely feel sorry for you and your child for having to deal with this cult, truely sorry! I have family in too and it just makes me crazy.
• 

  LockedChaos

  You have to hang tough Jimmy

  The ride has begun

  You bought the ticket and climbed aboard

  Hang onto the rail with one hand

  and your wife with the other

  It's about to get REAL ROUGH
• 

  OUTLAW

  Posting so I can read this page............OUTLAW
• 

  JimmyPage

  FYI: Should an elder drop by unexpectedly, I am now carrying a piece of paper which reads: "I was raised on false promises and refuse to raise my child on them. I hereby disassociate myself from Jehovah's Witnesses. Peace and Love, JimmyPage". That should end any ambushes real quick.

  And though I do not agree with my wife going behind my back I also do not agree with calling her a bitch or angrily insisting that I am the head of the household. She knows how bad my temper can get and that is all the more reason for me to try to remain calm and reasonable. She is generally a nice person but she grew up with a mother who's always had problems with headship. That woman's been married three times and is currently single. I'm not excusing my wife but it's easy to see where these things come from. I do agree that since she called for this by herself she can sit through it by herself.
• 

  cameo-d

  "or calling the po and telling him she called the meeting without talking to you."

  Bad advice. More tattling. Still acquiescing to their power.

  I would not give any po/ao any leverage to know there are any problems at home.

  Wife placed the call....make her call and cancel it. Not postpone----CANCELLED. You shouldn't have to deal with them at all.

  If she wants to get back in your good graces, make some conditions of your own.

  And make it clear that you don't want your personal life discussed outside the home.

  Edit:

  "I also do not agree with calling her a bitch or angrily insisting that I am the head of the household."

  Page, nobody said to call her that. The term was used in reference to her bad behavior, total disregard for your feelings, and for defiantly making "major family decisions" without your prior input in the decision. She knew you would disapprove and she did it anyway; she convicted herself with the "backstabbing" comment.

  Anger is not necessary to asserting your position as head of household. Nor do you need to clober her with "I am king". But she does need to realize that a marriage is 2 people who move together as one. And in a healthy marriage intimate details are not spread outside of the bond.
• 

  carla

  I'm sorry, hope your da-ing works out ok and wifey doesn't lose her marbles or anything about it. She will get accustomed to your absence at meetings, she will get used to you taking child out of meetings and such (none at all would be best but...) she will get accustomed to all these things because she has no choice but to get used to it. If the worse happened nothing would change, you still wouldn't be at meetings and you would still have control over your child at least a few nights of the week and every other weekend. I hope that doesn't happen and you two can keep it together. It will probably be hellish for quite some time but you two will learn that weird dance couples must dance when one is a jw and one is not. It is strange at times to say the least, but I hope you both can find your way together.

  As for who is the 'head of the house' thing, wasn't there something in a wt that if a woman has a ubm the elders & society become her 'head' in some way? She must still submit to husband but the elders trump him?

  How will you handle the child issue? have you thought that out yet? or maybe one thing at a time is enough? I worry if you wait to long to broach that subject with her in a serious way she will think it will be fine to raise child in the cult.

  Good luck with everything.
• 

  drew sagan

  JP,

  My only suggestion is that you hold onto that DA until the very last possible moment. I have spoken with many people who have gotten overly excited when they are in a situation like yours, only to realize that after some time has passed they can move along without problem and DA. I'm not saying it will work out that way, but just realize that DA is something you can't just take back. It's out there for good, so use it wisely.

  As another one of my posts mentioned in regards to your situation, I think you need to have a one way conversation with her. A conversation where everything is coming from her. Her feelings, her questions, everything. Don't put her on the spot, don't make her defend anything, nothing like that at all. Just try to get her to talk about what she wants and what she feels for as long as possible. Sometimes I've noticed that when people are leaving the JWs they tend not to listen to the other person and simply want to railroad all over them about problems, doctrines, ect. You can't make a person care about the Watchtowers problems, they have to actually feel it matters and that comes from a change within themselves.

  You can't make a person change their mind, but you can help them in the process of changing their own mind. Your wife is a scared JW, what else is she going to do! Just say you are correct in your criticsm and leave in a week? How long did it take you? Keep all of this in mind, it's a tough situation.
• 

  bennyk

  Time to play the "October 1972 Kingdom Ministry card". (Could someone please post the "Question Box" from said publication?)

  Your wife needs to explain to the PO that she was previously unaware of the provision that the Society has for Elders who commit DF-worthy offences to remain as Elders if they successfully conceal such sins for three years (since this implies that God has forgiven them). She can simply explain that because Jehovah never revealed your pre-marital indiscretion, it is clear that you've likewise been forgiven. Thereupon she can feel free to cancel the meeting they've arranged... (It will be helpful for her to hear why the PO feels that doesn't apply to the two of you.)

  I wish you the best.
• 

  OUTLAW

  JimmyPage..Just don`t attend the JC..You may or may not get the boot..Don`t start off,by shooting yourself in the foot with a D/A letter..LOL!!......................

  ...OUTLAW