by thecrushed 147 Replies latest members private
I'm sorry for you. I put my wife through this and although she has now left the WT$ she has a deap seated resentment of me.
I really hope this doesn't become the case with you guys.
Just don't push it too far, too fast and take a step back sometimes.
Take it slow and never be confrontational'
Never feel guilty for having doubts or asking questions.
You need her to tell you she is in a cult. You have to do whatever it takes to accomplish that and it's not easy. You damned near need a degree in a relevent branch of psychology to do it. Tread carefully my friend.
Chris
Hey thecrushed!
Best wishes and hugs for both you and your wife on the difficult process and journey.
As others have said patient, loving, gentle and simple questions are far better than telling or proving - "guided discovery".
Yes it is scary as hell! Once I made Peace with the truth of reality I saw the great beauty in everything. It was a moment of happiness and elation. I so long for her to have that peace of mind without the guilt. I want her to see that God never has and never will be found in temples of man. Evolution for me is a wonderous tapestry of diversity. I see the Universe as it is. That new Creation video the WT released has a computer model of 2 galaxies being obsorbed by each other over a period of billions of years. It is ironic that they use this because it simply shows that nothing lasts forever but everything is recycled and reused to make new galaxies. One day our milky way and the andromedia galaxy will come together destroying eachother to make an even bigger Galaxy. Scientists now know that Stars have a finite amount of energy that can be released. They witness the death of stars all the time. There has to be a God because how did it all start? It was divine spark. I think his rules are simple. Loving Kindness and mercy.
update: 3 days later my wife is acting like nothing happened. I think she filed it away under "never bring this up again" Now her mother is staying the week and talking WT speak all day long. I think I'm going to go nutz!
Please don't consider this a bad reaction. There have been numerous cases in the last two years where the wife has responded by kicking out the husband or seeking refuge with the elders.
This may be a project that takes many months or years and if you succeed in getting your wife out then it's worth it.
I appreciate what your MIL may be saying is frustrating, annoying and patronising. Turn it into a game - have some fun with it - make the time pass somehow without you getting wound up.
good luck
mmxiv
3 days later my wife is acting like nothing happened. I think she filed it away under "never bring this up again"
cognitive dissonance. She's been indoctrinated enough in her past to still hold on to some of the cult ideals/beliefs, yet her daily actions indicate her real personality. The cult personality only manifests itself when under pressure, like when someone exposes her to criticism of the cult, or tries to present her with apostate material or reasoning.
You cannot break that wall with logic, critical thinking, or evidence. As long as the believer wants to believe (or is pressured to continue to believe by stronger family members, like a parent) they are not going to react well to any criticism of the cult.
You're best bet is, for the time being, to act like nothing happened as well. Encourage the true personality to flourish. The more it flourishes, the more it can take over the cult personality. When the cult one flairs up, just ride it out until the normal personality returns.
In time, hopefully she will have a crisis of conscience moment and will, on her own, research and discover the real truth and then you can be there to guide her through the troubling part of the discovery process.
I'm speaking from some experience, though the journey isn't complete. It sucks at times, but you have to keep the bigger picture in mind.
Good luck...
thecrushed: Why would Jehovah God the God who requires pure worship without difilement use a man that uses pagan divination as his mouth piece? If you just think about this one thing aside from all the technical arguments about historical dates this should clue any layman on to the true nature of this cult.
The answer: He wouldn't. But you know that now. It's really amazing that once your eyes are open there are like a billion simple, single facts that show that the entire WT religion is a sham and a fraud, yet when we're "in" we turn a blind eye to it all.
thecrushed: The freedom from guilt that I feel is a gift like none other. It is helping me through my pain. I see people differently now. I don't see the walking dead but rather the good in people.
Yes, isn't it amazing! I'm glad you've had this experience. Hopefully your wife will see this positive change in you and it will help you reach her as JWs are all indoctrinated to believe that anyone leaving will become a depressed, suicidal, Satan worshipping, drug-abusing child molester.
Back to my wife. Today she is much calmer. She keeps saying she loves me very much and warmly hugs me often. I also reassure her of my love as well. The fact that she still loves me after knowing I have so called, "Apostate thinking" says a lot I think. I guess she has compartmentalised it for future processing or something I'm just not real sure. I can only hope she will start to question herself and use her very sharp critcal thinking skills to investigate the truth about the "Truth".
Wow, thecrushed, I'm sorry you had to go through that painful emotional experience, but it really does sound like your relationship with your wife has a lot of hope. The fact that she literally vomited when you told her speaks volumes that her mind is highly suggested by the Society. At this point try to convince her to be very quiet about your feelings. The problem is that if people know about how you really feel they are going to up the love bombing and application of mental coercion to your wife. They will look at you as a terminal threat if they know you will stand for science before their doctrine. It's a rough ride but you'll both be better for it. Don't give up even when it looks grim.
Read as much as you can about Codependency because that's the Watchtower's ace up their sleeves. Everybody in the Watchtower believes that they require the Watchtower for survival. For a Watchtower believer there's food and water and then there's the Watchtower. So when you told your wife that you have proved evolution to yourself, what she heard is that you just took yourself off of the life support. You might as well have been on a hospital death bed and you just told that you pulled your own plug, on purpose. This is a perfect example of a highly advanced case of codependent behavior facilitated and nurtured by a high control religion.
The emotional pull is, and always has been, the everlasting life that is promised by the Society. After you made your true thoughts and feelings aware to your wife her ego no longer had a position for you in it's eternal program that it has created. Up until that moment you were solid in that future projection, but then you tore yourself out of her painting and her mind didn't know what to do with it.
I would recommend that both of you identify yourselves on the Myers Briggs Personality Profiling scale (if you haven't already). Here is a link to a free online tester that is pretty accurate:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Where one goes after the Watchtower really does depend on some predisposed variables. It's important to identify those beforehand because you want to keep plans out of your future that are contrary to your personality. At this point, in this particular course that the Watchtower has thrust us all along, there is little margin for error. Therefore it's prudent to find out everything you can about YOURSELF, this includes your wife. Like the Watchtower says you require a personal relationship with God, but that's not actually possible without a personal relationship with the first step towards anything outside of yourself: Yourself.
You'll be the gauge to determine at what point your wife is ready to read works like Crisis of Conscience, but you should be reading everything and anything you can get your hands on. Of course you are already in the midst of that.
You have made the right decision, which historically always means you have chosen the most rough, selfless and thankless path there is.
-Sab
Be aware that your wife may feel the need to confide in someone and with the best intentions drop you in it. If her mother is staying it will be tricky to say the least since all of a sudden you realise how judgemental and misguided they are.
I'm sorry her reaction was not as positive as you hoped but it takes time to process this u turn in beliefs and she does not have the benefit of the weeks of research. What she has experienced is being pushed out of a plane in free fall with no training. It will take time keep communicating and ask questions rather than telling her what to believe. Tell her you love her right now that is what she needs to hear before anything else.
