spilled the beans (page 7)

thecrushed

I think it might be worse this week because I just realized that this week is CO visit. I wondered why she was at meeting on tuesday and thursday. Those that don't go to the CO visit to get guilt tripped into doing more are flagged for weakness.

BroMac

just gotta say. ZID... your awesome!

the crushed.. ifeel for you. youve got guts. i havent spilled the beans just yet. wish i could get it done with. but for now i have just been handed a great opportunity to Fade! i actually do think its a blessing in disguise, but ive gotta be a spy for a while.

thanks Zid for the spy analogy

ziddina

"just gotta say. ZID... your awesome! ...... thanks Zid for the spy analogy..." BroMac

Aw...

I totally do not deserve such praise.

I was afraid that I grumpy-dragon-chomped thecrushed off of his own thread.

The Crushed, just out of curiosity, what would YOU LIKE to see happen - within reason - during this week???

thecrushed

Right now I just want things to calm down and I want my wife to stop crying in the shower, at work, and everywhere. She is worn out and so am I. I wish that I could just plug up a network cable up to our brains and do a brain upload to her and she could be deprogrammed from my awareness. Too bad its not the Matrix and I don't have a red pill to give her.

I'm tired of the spy vs. spy with my wife. She is constantly asking me what I'm doing when I'm on the net and telling me I'm not going to find the answers there. She has the finances under her control and pays all the bills. She has the power to tell what I'm buying and when. I think that may be why she knew about the books but didn't know what ones exactly. Maybe she opened my email just not sure. Maybe she even looked at my JWN acct which would be very very very disasterous! It's bad when I can't even read a book without her being suspicious. Above all I want my wife to stop torturing herself because it tortures me. It is the ONLY reason I'm remaining in this cult right now. It would be sad to lose my family but I also have my entire mom's side the family that would take me back in a second. If it wasn't for loving my wife I'd already have that DA letter in the mail.

ziddina

All right, thanks for stating your goals clearly.

[Psst! Yet again, I'm NOT talking about actual 'spying' here. What I'm referring to, is PLAYING A ROLE UNTIL YOU CAN GET YOUR LOVED ONE[S] OUT.]

Are we clear on that? Good. In that case....

Here are some suggestions:

You want things to calm down. The easiest way would be for you to go to your wife and [SUPERFICIALLY] agree that you've been acting a bit strangely lately, that she made valid points, and that you'll [bleah!!! ] go back to the meetings immediately...

ON ONE CONDITION. That she begins to RESPECT YOUR BIBLICALLY-APPROVED HEADSHIP.

That means that she is to STOP SNOOPING INTO YOUR ACTIONS.

(If I were you, I'd cast a bit of guilt right back onto her - tell HER that it's HER FAULT that you started looking into "other" things, because SHE wasn't RESPECTING YOUR AUTHORITY. Obviously that isn't the issue - BUT IT MAKES A GOOD SMOKE-SCREEN.)

From this point on, APPEARANCES will be all that matter. Maintain APPEARANCES, and you can read books/research on the internet/check out books from the library to your heart's content. All you need to do, is TAKE CONTROL and convince her that you've "COME BACK TO JEHOVAH" - with A VENGEANCE!!

[damn! I wish I had more time to lay things out for you - and a blasted keyboard that WORKED PROPERLY!!]

But I don't, so here are thumbnail sketches...

Scenario #1 - grit your teeth, go back to the hall, GET THE MONEY BACK UNDER YOUR CONTROL because YOU are the HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD ™ according to the Watchtower Corporation. Then be the most DILIGENT "head" that she's ever seen...

WORK HER TO DEATH - 'scripturally' . "Dear, you need to go out in service EVERY DAY THIS WEEK. And you'll need to have dinner ready for me when I come home, because that is what I, as the "HEAD OF THE HOUSEHOLD ™ ", expect of you, in order for me to be a devout husband who truly worships [you'll notice I didn't say, "loves" or "believes in" - it's just a superficial appearance of "worship" that I'm talking about here] "Jehovah"..."

This technique has been suggested in the past, by many posters in many instances, and has NOT been used NEARLY ENOUGH, in my opinion.

In other words, you want to be SO "uber-spiritual" that you make HER begin to question the wisdom of her insistence that you "return to 'Jehoobver'..."

By the way, being 'uber-spiritual', means that you get to play the

"headship" card EVERY TIME SHE TRIES TO LEAD YOU BY THE NOSE.

YOU do not have to go out in service - at least, not as often as SHE does, because YOU'RE busy being the "Man of The House" ™. You have to bring in a decent earnings, because THAT "sanctifies 'Jehoober's' name", too; YOU have to make sure that the lawn looks good, because THAT "sanctifies 'Jehoober's' name", too...

Are you getting the picture?

As I said above about playing the Watchtower's games AGAINST

THEM, this is HOW YOU DO IT.

You must - like a successful SPY - or perhaps I should have used a SUCCESSFUL ACTOR as an example - you must PLAY YOUR ROLE TO THE HILT.

THAT will be most effective, in this situation.

The FIRST thing you want to do, is make your wife SICK of the "theocratic arrangement " - well, after YOU'VE

regained at least SOME control over your life. And you must do this, in the most "loving", "theocratically

approved" method possible...

You are SERIOUSLY going to have to "play a role" here. And as I said before, you'll NEED A SOLID SENSE OF HUMOR to carry this off.

I just don't have time to write more just now, but what do you think of this, so far???

Zid

ziddina

And, the crushed, this isn't going to be easy for you; I fully realise that. Because YOU have just begun to see the truth about "The Truth", even though you've progressed far enough to realize that evolution makes more sense than a Bronze-Age Middle-Eastern sheeperding males' volcano "gawd" stick-building the entire universe.

Though your conscious mind has caught up, there are probably some left-over JWisms that you may still have to deal with.

But look at it this way...

You can deal with it in a calm household in which you are the undisputed master - by using their own system against them...

Or you can deal with it while your wife is freaking out and tearing out her hair because she thinks you're "going to the devil/apostates" and are going to be "Killed At Armageddon"...

Which situation would be easier to work in????

wallsofjericho

I simply said that I no longer believe that the GB had our best interests at heart and that I now knew that Evolution is a fact of life. I also told her that my therapist confirmed my suspicians that JW's display many patterns associated universily with cults. Her only words were, "Oh God! NO! not you!" She then rushed into the bathroom and threw up. After this she was completely hysterical and hopelessly lost. I became hysterical and we both cried together. I've never experienced such a painful emotional night with her.

oh boy that brings back memories. I thought I was reading my own 'coming out to my wife' experience.

You've got a long row to hoe my friend but you have started it out the only way possible. keep reassuring her. she needs it more than ever.

Just be prepared for when her family finds out and they turn on you like hungry, rabid wolves

ziddina

Naouw, Walls!!!

Dammit!!

That is exiting by crawling through razor-wire over broken glass!!!

Seriously, those who have effectively exited AND successfully gotten their families out, too, have tended to go the route I've recommended.

Or, have used these techniques...

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/34600/1/How-I-helped-my-Family-Leave-Jehovahs-Witnesses

Giordano's story on this thread is heartening...

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/222696/1/How-to-get-your-family-out-of-the-JW-world

http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/154413/1/For-those-who-helped-family-OUT-of-the-Org

Captain Obvious

Ziddina! That is excellent advice. Crafty and difficult, but very interesting. Would it not apply not just to being able to abuse the headship principle, but to gain a few points on the earning respect as a husband scale? Taking care of everything that needs to be done, taking control of the money, being in charge (in a good way), we could add to that dressing, looking, and smelling good.. Maybe even taking control of this situation in particular. Basically being an amazing husband.

From a woman's point of view, do you think a man that does all these things would have a significantly better chance of getting through to you with something that you completely oppose? If nothing else I would think it would help her commit to the relationship more and treat/respect her man better.

Thoughts?

Scott77

marked for later

spilled the beans

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