Let's really talk about sex now- Advice please???

KateWild

So I am divorced, 40, going through custody issues and deprogramming from a destructive cult.

Am I in a position to date? Is casual sex a moral option?

Let me know your views.

Thanks Love Kate xx

Witness My Fury

Technically yes, but your timing may be off to make sensible decisions about it.

Why not sort your head out a bit 1st before entering the mind games and emotional crap that usually come with dating etc.?

The fact you are asking means you arent ready in your own head, or else you are just bored and couldnt think of a better topic.

My 2p

Meantime self medicate as it is complication free. Unless you do it in public for the extra thrill....

KateWild

The fact you are asking means you arent ready in your own head-WMF

Spot on!! No I think I want to be celibate for now, thanks for reminding me about all the mind games of dating. But I don't think casual sex is always wrong, but perhaps it is. Promiscuity leads to all sorts of consequences, but perhaps they could be avoided

Kate xx

zeb

WMF............ "self medicate"....... it took me a second to work that out... cute.

KateWild

What I thought that meant get drunk???? Am I missing something??

Kate xx

gorgia2

KateWild,

If the people you date know straight away you are not ready/interested in casual sex, then being taken out and wined and dined could be a pleasant diversion for you, during the stressful time of custody issues. You deserve it!

gorgia

snare&racket

Sex has been hijacked by religions, as have many natural desires, urges and needs. Its a smart way to control people.

it took me some time to relax about intimacy, I wanted some kind of commitment beforehand and that is just not how people have worked since the start of time and not now, normal people think now. Had I been more relaxed, I am sure that relationships would have developed if they were supposed to, asking for a contract before rubbing skin together is just odd and a turn off. Or you get the people who say yes just to say yes. Now I see it the other way, people wanting a lot early on IS a HUGE turn off. It is a lie to pretend that anything less than a year or so is useless to indicate just who someone is. Also sexual compatability is a real thing and something the JW's also ignore and pretend doesn't exist as it doesn't suit their message.

We were raised to believe that sex and morals have drastically changed in the last 50 years because of satan, but in reality, if anything we have matured in our views. Judgment and guilt has been replaced with education and awareness. Centuries ago children were given in marriage and had children at ages we would consider absurd and wrong now. Greeks had boys for pleasure, ancient arabians had harems, royal families had incestual relationships... Looking in history you won't find this mythical, rose tinted moral world. Ironically its here now, in 2013.

The JW's are full of marriages getting by, teens that married 20 years ago for sex. It is so abnormal and odd to the natural activity in the real world.

because of our upbringing, it is important to get your head straight, you dont want to have feelings of guilt or shame etc from not sorting it in your head first. Once that is done, accepting you are a human with biological needs is something that most have accepted in late teens, yet some live there whole life and die in religions denying this reality.

i guess for me, it is important to not live a lie anymore. No more pretending to be happy with someone your not happy with, nomore pretending you dont have very normal and natural desires, no more judging others for their choices, no more out dated, mysognistic views on life, love and sex.

i guess I am saying.... Go have some safe fun x

snare x

p.s. sometimes Iover compensate by talking about all of this very openly, I think it is far healthier than the pretend life we all lived. Of course JW's dont masturbate, they are the 0.1% that the studies talk about.... Oh and they don't enjoy oral sex either, the other 0.01% in the research.... Lol. Never mind all the other stuff i'm too polite to mention here! Ha ha

KateWild

Marked for later, thanks guys

under the radar

Kate, I think WMF was talking about pleasuring yourself, not getting drunk. It does have several advantages and none of the dangers of casual sex.

I'm not saying that all sex has to be within a lifelong committed relationship, but neither is it smart to be completely free and easy without any thought to the possible consequences. Some are life-changing, and some can be deadly. As the number of players goes up, the risks increase expotentially.

We have all needs in this area, and it is not wrong to satisfy those needs, but it's important to be careful, selective, and to protect oneself physically and emotionally. Many have been hurt after having sex with someone because they read more into it that the other person intended.

Another thing to consider in your case is whether it could complicate your child custody issues. I would advise you to be very careful, discreet, and selective if you do decide you need some "human touch" for "medicinal purposes."

I don't think it's a moral issue so much as a practical issue. We all have the craving to hold another person in our arms from time to time, but pleasuring oneself can offer the needed physical release without the time, emotional turmoil, and hazards that an actual encounter might present.

Please remit two cents for the highly valuable pontification above.

Radar

snare&racket

Advice on sex to a 40 year old woman......

"it could complicate your child custody issues"

"life-changing"

"deadly"

"As the number of players goes up, the risks increase expotentially."

"emotional turmoil, and hazards"

With the greatest respect Radar, the indoctrination we had has caused many of us to have 'facts' that have gotten a little hazy.... You make it sound like something you need insurance for! Ha ha.

When sensible, informed and stable, it is not just harmless but very rewarding, our species and most alive on earth depend on it! Marriage and engagement is a man made, religious ceremony. Also, been as the average lawyer or judge have not been raised in a cult, sex would likely only be relevant to a case if the legal team were concerned that the child may be raised with abnormal rules or teachings on sex and sexuality. Jws in the UK are turned down for fostering/ adoption if they say they would not promote/support a gay childs sexuality. (Seen this happen)

I know my colleagues and group (not jw's) have views like mine, though they are new to me too, and obviously they differ in culture and upbringing and personal preference. But i think it is easy to make it unrealistically unnatural following a JW etc upbringing,

snare x (has been known to be wrong before)

Let's really talk about sex now- Advice please???

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