by KateWild 86 Replies latest members adult
You won't know if someone is considerate and generous in bed until after you have been in bed. - DJS
I am afraid I would have to disagree with that. I am not 21 anymore, women can tell if a guy will be kind before going into the bedroom. We use discerment, back to what WMF said about mind games. We know ugly guys are usually the most generous men, and majority of the hot ones are plain selfish, that's the women's rule of thumb.
Love Kate xx
Kate, I've sent you a PM.
haha! I know I am fast Jake xx
Dear Kate,
I'm smoking hot. (Sounds arrogant but I am). I'm also an extremely generous lover. I think your data is skewed. Millions (ok hundreds) of women can't be wrong. LOL. Have FUN!!!!
DJS,
I said the majority, you must be the minority DJS. A generous hot guy, wow post a pic, that will be fun. Kate xx
I can't believe I'm posting anything here, as I'm pretty much batting .001 when it comes to relationship stuff. Here goes anyway.
I read most of a very good book about emotional abuse called 'The Bully In Your Relationship' by Anne-Marie Testa. One of the good pieces of advice it gave was, well, say you had a friend who you knew had very recently been in an abusive relationship. Would you go to that friend for advice on who you should choose next? Probably not.
The WT and/or your own spouse could fit as emotional abusers. That said, exposure to that has inevitably affected your judgment. It is best to spend time getting to know yourself and reminding yourself of all the good that you deserve in life. Once you have come to fully see that, then and only then will you be better able to choose a partner, be it for the lovin' or for the love. It is incredibly easy to let the hormonal impulses, the natural desire to mate, to cause you to go for the first opportunity you encounter.
But when you've had an emotional bomb go off in your life, it's best to spend some time doing repairs to your emotional state. A good amount of time.
Can't say I take a word of my own advice, 'cause I totally went for the first person who liked me, and the second person, and then back to the first, and neither of them treated me particularly well. Since I married the former, that kinda sucks. Even when the physical stuff is there, when things aren't right emotionally, when you're not being treated the way you deserve, it definitely has a long-term impact in the bedroom.
This also calls to mind Robert Jay Lifton's book on brainwashing. The subjects he interviewed, who had spent a long time in Communist prisons, often felt a great need to have some sort of structure in their lives to replace the system they were subjected to. In short, it's incredibly easy, as I know firsthand, to go from one prison to another, even if both have invisible bars. A desire for intimacy is one of the easiest ways to land on the metaphorical 'Go To Jail' spot.
It does seem that the opposite sex will say or do whatever it takes to get what they want from you. Really, it would be easier to find a good hobby and take care of your own needs. At least for now. But...you already have some idea what men are capable of. You have a valuable opportunity to progress towards lasting freedom. That freedom is far more valuable than anything else. Everything needs to take a backseat to that.
Getting away from the JWs is only the first step. The fight for freedom never ends because people are always trying to take it away from you. Keep your eyes open and your guard up. The real battle has only just begun.
Maybe if you have higher self-esteem than I do, and strong boundaries, you'll fare better. If you really are insisting on someone, well, at least be prepared and be safe with it all. Value yourself and your future more than pleasing someone else. And...good luck.
--sd-7
If you're going out into the rain, make sure you wear your galoshes. Or make sure the other person is at least. And maybe just trust your gut instinct. I've never regretted saying no. Afterall you can change your mind. But when you've said yes and things have happened, you can't change it. Be careful of diseases. And I'm not just talking about AIDS. There's hepatitis, gonorrhea, syphillis, chlamydia, HPV.and a host of other nasty bugs. Just be careful.
Billy, loved the YT, funny. Kate xx
Hi there, Kate~
Maybe I'm not the best to give advice, as I've made some' interesting' choices myself, but, for what it's worth...
'morality' is very subjective and individual...what matters is what you are personally comfortable with and doesn't compromise your own values. And that involves getting to know what you want, need, desire..and having an understanding with the person you chose to become intimate with. If you choose to be that 'cougar', that's your business. If you choose an 'open relationship', your business. Monogomy, your business. Just so long as anyone involved in the intimacy is on the same page. Otherwise, there is bound to be hurt to someone.
The first year I was out of the religion,and divorced, as you are, I was like a teenager. I couldn't even imagine marriage, didn't even believe in it any more. I was quite whimsical with intimacy initially, then realized on several occasions, that I did not want to continue into a relationship with them, and it was emotionally draining. Gradually, I learned to be even more selective than I thought I was being, for the sake of each of us. It takes time to realize what you really want after being in such a high-control religion/relationship. I have no regrets, was very lucky with who i was intimate with, but it still weighs on you emotionally to start and end any relationship. And not all men are jerks, they have feelings, too, so that's something to consider also.
And good luck with being 'casual' about sex. I recently tried that. Face palm. We had an understanding that it was a 'friendly' relationship, I felt comfortalbe with him. And I was excited to shed my lingering 'old fashioned' ways. Figured after all this time away from the religion, now surely I can separate sex and emotion. Sure enough, that just didn't happen. So, before it continued into a 'friends with benefits' situation, (and before I had a chance to ride in his convertable Bentley, tempting), I called it off. Again, no regrets, but realize that isn't what I want. Sex with no real depth may seem exciting at the moment, but it's a flame that will die out soon if there is not substance...but, then again, some may be ok with this..each must find what works for them.
Cut yourself some slack, and take your time. The sex can only be good if you are happy with how you feel when with that person and about that person and you feel emotionally in sync. Otherwise, you will want to end it....which is not always easy. Hope some of that made sense.
The more challenged they are, the longer they will stick around. The less challenged they are, the more quickly they get bored and run on to the next conquest.- FHN
Yep the old mind games again, can't be bothered with all that atm. Kate xx
Not really, Kate. It's nature. Recognize nature. Work with nature. You can't change it, so walk wisely with it. Someone mentioned respect. Respect begins with self respect. Being adored for your personality is very powerful, as powerful as respect, both are important.
