Dating

by d 82 Replies latest social relationships

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  d

  Bumped to give me more advice.
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  Frazzled UBM

  Sean connery said you need three things to be successful with women: 'confidence, confidence, confidence' Women can sniff out whether it is real or fake within 3 seconds. So you have to love and resepct yourself first and then let women see that in you. Studying and going to the gym will help but just being a good person is most of it. I was crap in my teens bbut as I ahve grown older my self-confidence has grown. Getting some runs on the board in terms of qualifications and career helps and doing some interesting things in your life also helps. Once you ahve that then you can strike up a conversation with a woman anywhere - the supermarket, on public transport, in the gym, in a coffee shop etc. and things will move from there.
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  KateWild

  Dating doesn't have to be about commitment straight away. But I read this thread to get advice more so that give it. I am in a situation where I also find is scary to get out there and date after a messy divorce and being part of a cult I have lots of trust issues.

  Kate xx
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  Vidiot

  Let's start an XJW online dating service!
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  d

  I have confidence so that is really not an issue. I just feel nervous around themI think a lot of it is from the Jw upbringing.
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  humbled

  Do you get out around people very much ,d?

  I have a son a little older than you who was a JW very briefly. His work schedule is such that he has to make an effort more than most to get out among PEOPLE. When he doesn't make himself do this, he gets anxious about EVERYTHING--women especially.

  The less secure you feel about just knocking about with others the more you will feel in a spot light when you talk to a woman.

  There are places, as has been mentioned before, where you can find others with interests related to your own. Libraries sponsor events, meetings, presentions,discussions etc. where you will run into others people--without pressure.

  Make yourself go where there are people.

  And if it is really a problem for a long time--and your fear and sense of dread around women persists--get a bit of counseling. It will help. I know people that have done that too.
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  mynameislame

  Stop worrying about dating and concentrate on just meeting new people. Once you get good at that you will start to meet women you like and then you can ask them out.

  If you want to practice, go places where you know you won't ever see the people again and practice approaching women. Start with just saying hi to people as they walk by, or maybe even holding eye contact for a little longer than you feel comfortable. Then work your way up to a short conversation. Make it about having a small conversation not about asking someone out. Half the problem when you approach a women is you're already thinking about how she is going to turn you down or worse yet become a chain around your neck.

  Practice confidence, good posture, eye contact and minimizing nervous gestures and such.

  Remember dating in the real world doesn't automatically equal a permanent relationship. As long as you are honest about what you want up front then you should be fine. Don’t expect a woman to change what she says either. If she says she wants something casual believe her. Thinking she will change her mind once she gets to know you is a great way to get hurt.

  Do expect to be hurt now and then.

  Don't waste one second or one penny on "dating doctors". You know those guys that train you how to pick up women by being mean. Thats all BS.

  The most balanced advice I heard on sex was to only sleep with women you have some affection for. And of course you need to respect her boundries in that area as well. Again honesty is key here.
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  d

  I have encouraged to join clubs at my college and go to school events to meet people.
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  sarahsmile

  Maybe your thinking like a JW that dating should end up with marriage or at least have it in your mind.

  How about just having fun and two people enjoying each others company. If it works out to something more that would be great but if not maybe you have a new coffee date.
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  d

  I could just start off witha simple lunch date but the simple of asking a girl out. Just makes nervous becuase I feel that she would just laugh in my face and walk away.