skirts tucked in knickers ,loud farts,kids vomiting...
thats my addition.
thanks guys havent laughed so much in ages...my Man thinks Im crazed!
Elders' Gems of Wisdom
by stephenw20 104 Replies latest jw friends
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sf
Bwahhhhhhhhhroflol.....i knew from the word blowtorch, i would be on the floor. Took me several minutes to read.
Funny stuff!
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waiting
okkkkkkk, the "vomiting" got another memory......
Woman had 5 kids, 6-15 ages, and tried diligently to attend each meeting. One of her younger ones was sick in restroom, so she was back there with the girl.
Her teenage boy gets up from his seat had promptly spews his breakfast all the way down the aisle (no exaggeration.) For some reason, the child had not learned to chew his food before swallowing.
No male attendents came up the aisle. The mother, within minutes, had rags in her hand and on her knees, was cleaning up the seeming gallons of vomit. Other sisters joined her, including myself. It was Sunday morning, which meant heels, dresses, hose, etc. Quite a sight. We made the mother go back to her two ailing children.
A sister produced a mop & pail, which we used (as sisters are known to use regularily). After the meeting, I asked the sister where she got the mop & pail - "from an attendent." I found out which one - and told him off for not doing his job and "attending" to the needs of the congregation. His reply "but I only seat people."
When my husband & I got up from our seats after the meeting, the visiting speaker (sitting across the aisle from us) said, "Man, did you see the size of those pineapple chunks in that vomit!"
I said, "Yes I did, as I was one of the five sisters on our hands and knees cleaning it up."
This story is not funny to me - but it does show, oh so well, the attitude of brothers towards sisters, and the attitude sisters have of themselves. We sisters are more capable vomit cleaners than brothers - and are used for such work.
waiting, getting down off my soap box, thank you.
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We once had a talk about dressing and grooming, in which the elder said: "And what would be the appropriate skirt length for a sister?" He paused rhetorically, and I was fully expecting him to continue with something general about "conscience" and using good judgment and not stumbling others, etc. Instead, he said: "Well, nothing above the knee!" I had to roll my eyes. Did he always check out the sisters to see how long their skirts were?
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The Dredger
Dredged!
Been gone a while but happy to be back. Love the new features!!
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Lady Lee
oh my gawd - just read this and had the tears rolling down my face
As a sign language interpreter I had the opportunity to trian others in the congregation to become interpreters. Some people were pretty good and some were terrible. One elder who decided to join in always looked like he was signing backwards. He was so difficult to watch that the deaf group preferred to ask others to sign.
One lovely single sister actually quite well. But sometimes her words were a little off.For those of you who don't know sign language used particular signs for whole words. If there is no sign for the word it is spelled out. Well she had been assigned to interpret the Sunday Talk. About half way through the talk a few of the deaf brothers were looking around questionningly wondering what the talk was about. Since I usually sat in the deaf section or near to it they started asking me what the talk was about. I sat and watched the interpreter to see what the problem was.
Bro: In these circumstances it is important for us to remember that...
Interpreter: In these circumcisions it is important for us to remember that....
Ok so now that I see the problem I tell the deaf brothers that she has a sign wrong. Well flurry of hands waving to the rest of the group to tell them to substitute circumcisions for circumstance. Then they start waving to her to tell her that she has a sign wrong. But she is a nervous type sister and quickly loses what she is doing and can't understand what the problem is. Every one settles down and she finishes the talk with circumcisions.
I had to take her aside at the end and explain what the problem was. Took her weeks to want to get back up to interpret again.
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Lady Lee
Just remembered a another one.We had a couple of elders in the congregation that would get very nervous. They were both very nice men so we felt very bad for them.
One would button up and unbutton his jacket. Over and over and over. We would count the times he would do this to help us pass the time and then the giggling would start as he broke old records.
The second elder would hmmm... how to say this politely.... well there would be a bulge... yup he got an erection every time he got up there. And for a while we had a podium that he could not hide behind. Wonder if that is why they got a new one? We were all embarrassed for him and it was so har.. difficult not to look - his jacket and parts were strained - giggling just thinking about it. Nope not a prude even then... I looked
Some of us thought that maybe after he married that he wouldn't have this problem but nope that wasn't the solution.
Then we sat there wondering why she married him and if size had anything to do with it
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Soledad
VERY true story: This occurred in Puerto Rico
This hall had cordless microphones. During a Sunday Watctower meeting, one of the brothers in charge of passing out the mikes had to go the restroom. He waited for the proper opportunity (while a long paragraph was being read) and decided to go, inadvertantly taking the microphone with him.
The reader is halfway through the paragraph, and all of a sudden some strange noises start coming over the speakers:
"Those goddam rice and beans AAAAAAHHHHHHHH........(fart)........... KERPLUNK! (It all sounded funnier in Spanish)
The congregation ROARED with laughter, so loud that some of the neighboring business owners poked in wondering WHAT was going on.
It was reported that the brother in the bathroom never ever showed up at that particular hall again.
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dustrabbit
When I was about 12, I remember this time one elder I really liked was really passionate about his speech about the dangers of foul speech...in his excitement, he put up his finger to say, "point number one" which was his habit, but unfortunately, he used his middle finger.
I mean it was sooooo silent for a moment, you could hear a pin drop, and then the snickers from a couple of wise-ass teens. The elder was wondering what all the snickering was about.
I started laughing, and my mother whcked me a good one. But it was funny, ya gotta admit.
the dustrabbit -
noidea
This sure is not a "Gem Of Wisdom" but shows the callused stupidity of some..When talking several years ago to the then PO of our congregation the topic ..Child molestation..His word were: "It usually does no real harm to the little girls because they find it pleasurable" A definite eye opener for me!!!