by gumby 195 Replies latest watchtower child-abuse
Ladylee,
That was a beautiful but sad last post of yours. I wonder how many people who are hard, and shallow, and non-sociable, have been abused in some way? I often think some people are just rude jerks......but you have to wonder what made them that way. How many "jerks" are simply poor hurting people who will not face their nighmares?
What does this mean?,
The last thing a childGumby
of abuse really needs,
Is a tiny strongbox
To hide a soul.
When you're abused, you have to protect your core or you lose yourself, gumby. It's a terrible, terrible feeling. Some people build brick walls, and some build mazes so it's impossible for a bad person to get deep inside and truly crush your spirit and soul. That way, in that strongbox or behind that wall, you still live and wait for the day that you can come out and be yourself.
Unfortunately, for some that day never comes or, when it does, they are so used to the brick walls and the mazes and the strongboxes that they can't get out -- it's too scary.
Nina
cruzan
what a good explanation ... mazes, so true
t
(((Nina))) Your explanation was awesome. I am moved that you "got it" so well
In the movie "To a Safer Place" Shirley Turcotte says that her abuser could have her body. He could beat it and assault it. He could torment it. But her spirit, her soul went into a crack in the wall beside her bed.
In my Old Scar story I went outside to ride a horse. Often I could hear children playing outside so my spirit was out there.
Some kids have a box, or a cloud, or a maze. What ever it is for that child it is a place to put a part of the self so there is at least one part of us they cannot hurt.
As Nina said there is a huge price for this because some people never find their way out. But it is a psychological defense against the horrors some of us lived with on a daily basis.
Some people build brick walls, and some build mazes so it's impossible for a bad person to get deep inside and truly crush your spirit and soul.
Nina......could you describe how a child might act who does this? Can you give an example?
Gumby ( sorry for so many questions....but this gets more intresting with every post)
some build mazes
My walls were breached, so I had no choice but to construct impossibly difficult mazes that no one could navigate. It was only then I was safe. Unfortunately, it was also impossible for kind and caring people to help me. By the time I was interested in finding a way out of my maze, I had long since forgotten how to get out.
My greatest gift is that I was given someone who was willing to go with me down each dead end until I found a way out. It is this person who stood next to me in that darkness who means the world to me. She is the love of my life, and saved my life from a certain and final dead end.
how a child might act
Perfectly normal. Whatever that is. The child will function acceptably so as not to attract undue attention to itself, because attention means bad stuff happens. It will learn to carefully close all of the curtains before going outside to play Superman, so no one will see.
Dear Big Tex does indeed have many mazes, but he married a very stubborn woman who loves him dearly and was willing to hit the dead end time and again until the way to his heart was found.
As for me, I did not experience horrible abuse like so many others recovering here -- my abuse was more mental than physical. My mother (whose soul many times reminded me of that painting "The Scream") was determined to control me completely in every way, and so I built a wall around my core personality and hid it fairly well until Big Tex showed me it was okay to be myself. I've found a strength in me that I didn't know I possessed (in fact, Mom always told me what a weak person I was and I believed it), and creative talents that were similarly locked up because they weren't what Mother wanted me to be.
I still think I got the better end of this marriage thing, but I think we complement and help each other very well.
Nina
could you describe how a child might act who does this
Thank you for being interested. Most "normal" people are not. It means a lot, even though what we have to say is painful.
There are all sorts of walls. One child might become terribly withdrawn and "shy". Another might become angry and violent. Still another might become overly sexual. Realize that each is a wall. By acting out, each child is telling not only what happened to them, and how they felt about it, but they are also showing you what it will take to "breach" their defenses.
A child who withdraws, is basically telling you that you can never reach them. They are always in reverse, and until they are ready, you can never, ever reach them.
A child who is angry and violent is the most upfront. Their defense is their anger and if you move in too close you will feel their wrath. These are also the children that are the most brittle. Realize that once you get past their anger, they have nothing left.
A child who "acts out" and is overly sexual is one who deals with the abuse by being so compliant they embrace the experience. They seek only to please. They are so fragile they cannot stand being hurt, so they will do anything to avoid being hurt. They retreat into the very essence of the experience.
Does any of this make sense? Sometimes I feel like I am posting in "short hand" and using metaphors and words that mean something to me, but may not to others.
Chris
another analogy I have heard is that the walls built up are like an onion. You keep peeling layer upon layer off and there is another one underneath it.
My mother (whose soul many times reminded me of that painting "The Scream"
Edward Munch's painting:
The Scream
