Sexual Harassment (page 9)

Big Tex

I really doubt this thread gets locked

Me too. This is an adult and intelligent discussion. Nothing wrong with that.

Chris

SixofNine

I like to approach an individual from the conservative side, conveying a sense of dignity toward them, even if they may not be projecting one themselves. My manner might change as I become more familiar with that individual, but I still maintain a conservative boundary toward the opposite sex, and any activity which might be interpreted as invasive, possibly stripping them of their dignity.

Steve, just wanted to comment that that is a great way to articulate the "general" level of acceptable social behavior.

And it can't be said enough, drunkeness often throws dignity away first.

I just think people giving the fests should be more careful especially with house parties, this is the world wide web after all. The open invitations and publically posted addresses of party spots often concerned me. Maybe people should have to email for an 'invitation' to be sent that way the host has a clear list. Its scary to think anyone can just show up and claim to be an ex who doesnt post much but lurks. I guess thats just the internet though. Cant be too careful.

bem

...Sexual Harassment is Harassment no matter if the person in the 'wrong' is male or female. Once a person has stated what they want,,, for instance ' flirting' if at first are innocent and playful, IMO is acceptable and fun. As has been mentioned already. But. Once a person has requested or at times demanded the un-acceptable behavior be stopped. And if it is not stopped then the "line" has been crossed. Many date rapes occur because a person may of gone to limits where they are willing particpants. and then said Stop, At that point, Stop needs to occur...

Dorothy

P.S. Trying to keep this general.

xenawarrior

It's ludicrious in my mind that just because a man is in a kilt that somehow he's open to "whatever". WTH is that? And to go to the extent of touching someone else without some sort of invitation to do so is a total boundary violation. Wearing a kilt isn't an invitation. Or jeans or shorts or a Santa Claus suit! IMO, a person who does that doesn't understand the concept of boundaries very well. And if they are asked to stop and they don't it would be quite obvious that they don't care about other people's boundaries. And then what to do about that? That's a hard one. Walking away is a good idea but as earlier stated-easier said than done at times. I don't know how to teach people who I'm not that close to about boundaries and having them and respecting those of others.

((Ross)) I'm sorry that this happened to you and put you in a very uncomfortable position. I'm also surprised to hear that something similar happened in Dallas. I was totally unaware of that- but then again I spent most of my time wandering around trying to absorb it all while being in a throwback to the 70's .

Until you have your shit together, you should not get drunk, whether you're 15 or 50.

Very good point ! Oh wait-I might resemble that remark

XW

Incense_and_Peppermints

Is it appropriate for a guy to ask if you are wearing any panties? NO

Are there any circumstances, for a stranger, where this would be appropriate? NO

How about if there were no discernible panty line? Would you be asking for it? um. nooo...

How about if he then went the extra step of trying to look up your skirt or using a camera to do so, or even lifting it? omg...What would be appropriate recourse, especially if they?d been repeatedly asked to desist? it would depend on the situation. if at work, tell HR. and my boss. if in a social setting, call him a boor and tell him if he came near me again i'd expose him. if a stranger, call a cop.

i also think it's disrespectful to be overly familiar wtih anyone, male or female, and to ask them about their unmentionables is just tactless.

Insomniac

OK, I'm back from work. Little Toe asked me (about 4 pages back) if there might be extenuationg circumstances- I think that was the expression he used. I think my experience with my old boss sums it up well, in that, while he was a natural-born flirt (with absolutely everyone) he respected those around him, and their boundaries. One lady at work was pretty reserved, and he was careful not to tell her the really bawdy jokes that the rest of us got a laugh over. And, when asked to stop, he always did, most graciously. Sexual harrassment is when the individual does not respect your wishes, won't stop the behavior.

I was sorta joking when I made my comment about kilts arousing lustful thoughts in ladies, LT. I have a gentleman friend in my town who wears a kilt pretty often, and a landscaper in town wears this kind of buckskin skirt thing (not a kilt) when he's working. So, I'm rather accustomed to the sight of a man's knees, and while I do find it quite an attractive look on most fellas, it's also not likely to make me forget I'm a lady. If you're kilted in Dallas, I promise I'll be nice.

Fleur

edited.

i wasn't discussing anyone in particular just trying to comment on the question generally.

Billygoat

While I appreciate the adult conversation (actually I'm really proud that it's going so well) I'd like to know if anyone has any qualms about talking about RHCP like she's not even here? No, she hasn't posted, but perhaps she is still lurking. Yes, her behavior was unacceptable (from what I hear), but even if she has not apologized to the appropriate people in an appropriate manner, from what another poster mentioned on the ride home, she was embarrassed, humiliated and apologetic. It does take a lot of courage to pull up out of the shame to apologize to someone. Perhaps it will just take her time to get there.

Don't get me wrong! I'm not minimizing what Little Toe or Princess or anyone else went through, or even saying they have to forgive her...but perhaps somehow we could all reach out to RHCP and help her understand that if she WANTS to heal and create healing, then she mustn't leave this board. Staying here and learning how to deal with this head on could be the start of a wonderful new direction in her life. Maybe I don't know all the details and maybe I'm being naive, but the one thing I hated about the behavior of JWs is that once you screw up, you were banished. Gossip ran amuck, the person was never forgiven, and healing never happened.

Could this be a turning point for RHCP? Could it be for all of us?

I'm just thinking out loud here...

Andi

Sexual Harassment